Get Started On The Five Love Languages: How To Express Heartfelt Commitment To Your Mate Written By Gary Chapman Presented As Paper Edition

زبان عشق" رازهایی برای داشتن عشق پایدار است که توسط دکتر گری چاپمن نوشته شده است.
چاپمن در این کتابزبان متفاوت عشق را معرفی میکند و از مخزن عشقی سخن به میان می آورد که خالی بودن و خالی ماندن آن مساویست با مرگ تدریجی خانواده!
شاید شما هم به افزایش بی رویه آمار طلاق فکر کرده باشید. .
شاید  این موضوعات دغدغه و ترس خیلی از جوانان مجرد یا متاهل باشه! طلاق طلاق عاطفی سست شدن بنیان خانواده و
ریشه همه این مسائل در  این هست که زبان عشق طرف مقابل رو یاد نمیگیریم و نمیتونیم به زبان عشق اون ابراز احساسات کنیم در نتیجه مخزن عشقی که نباید خالی باشه خالی میمونه و بعد از مدتی منجر به جدایی رسما یا قلبا میشه!
و این یعنی فاجعه !
چاپمن این کتاب رو برای متاهل ها نوشته اما بعد از یاد گرفتن اینزبان به نتایج عمیقی رسیدم و علت بسیاری از مشکلات اخلاقی کودکان رو هم کشف کردم. .
و نکته بسیار مهمی که از این کتاب آموختم این بود که :حال و هوای عاشقی رو نباید با عشق اشتباه گرفت!برای توضیح بیشتر به کتاب مراجعه شود
بهشدتتوصیهمیشود. .

I absolutely recommend this book to EVERYONE, Whether you are married, dating, single, whatever, The ideas and concepts in this book will benefit any relationship, The idea of loving others the way they need to be loved might feel counterintuitive, but it something so essential to growing as a person and understanding what love really is.


I had always known about this book and the love languages, but this was the first time I actually read it.
Of course, as with any selfhelp type of book, there were a few cheesy moments, which is why I docked it half a star, but overall it was a fantastic read! This was recommended by a “friend” of my wife, which proves part of the old adage: “A friend of thy wife, is thine enemy”.


Thats from the Bible or the Decameron or Archie Comics,

I think.

Ill do the whole woulditkillyoutoreadsomethingpositivewithmeforachange thing if I want something in return in order spend some time with my wife.
Plus, bonus, the audio book was relatively short,



Ive had to read a few scoops of selfhelp crap literature over the years, so Im down with the lingo:

Annie Wilkess How to Win Friends and Influence People.




Im OK Neurotic, OCD, manicdepressive, Youre OK Nymphomaniac, Daddy issues, Passiveaggressive,



Untying my “inner child” from the radiator and letting him have ice cream with my “toxic” parents.




Books that give you a “thought for the day”, you know, something cosmic and revelatory to think about and chew on for eternity or until you close the book.




Jeff, buddy, Im breathless with anticipation! What are the five languages of love, already

Well, as a way to work into that, fanatical and borderline crazy Goodreader, let me explain the good doctors theory on the FIVE languages of love.
Basically, we all speak a primary language and we all have a language of love that we learned from mommy and daddy.


One of five languages of love,



Five! Count em, Five!



What was that number again



So, that number is five, right



Stop dragging this out in order to post “five” gifs.


According to Dr, Chapman, the five languages are:



Now, Im done,

Giving gifts If the last time you gave your wife flowers was when Nirvana was a thing, then this one isnt you.


Words of affirmation These dont include: “Youre an idiot/moron/devil/shrew/succubus etc, ”

Acts of Service or doing stuff for your loved one or something Helping my wife bury the hoochies that chase after our son qualifies here.




Quality time



Its not me, me, me, Maybe your wife, wants to hang with you and do stuff, like, I dont know, talk

Physical touch Its not only smexy times, but just being there, being present.




Note to wife: Please treat every day like my birthday!

So, in a nutshell, recognize your love language and your spouses love language and try to accommodate them in some small way.


If Ive saved your marriage, youre welcome or just send me a check, Make it out to “CASH”,

Warning! The doctor likes to work in the Christian stuff and this is strictly a hetero tome, so if the first is a turn off and you find the second limited, look for help elsewhere.
And like anything in this world that makes money, Chapman has written enough additional books on this subject to choke a Tijuana stage show donkey.
Before I start in on the reasons why I didn't like this book, let me mention the good parts of it.
As someone who just got married, I value ideas about how to strengthen a lifelong relationship, and the book did have some good ideas.
It's always good to be reminded that I should be looking for little things I can do to make my spouse happy, that even if I'm happy with everything in a relationship I should be checking in with my spouse to make sure he's happy too, etc.


I've always thought personality quizzes were fun and this book has a certain appeal because of that.
There is something fun about trying to discover your "love language" and your spouse's, and see what that says about you both.
Just to establish, theLove Languages in the book are Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, and Receiving Gifts.
I can see how in certain instances, thinking about the love languages could strengthen communication in a relationship, For instance, if one spouse really communicates most strongly with physical touch but that doesn't come naturally to the other partner, they might feel unloved until the other partner learns to show love through physical touch.


Finally I appreciated how the book suggested mindful, practical ways to maintain a relationship over time, It talks a lot about the "in love" experience at the start of a relationship and how that's different than developing a lifelong, sustaining love.
It reminded me of a quote from an Adrienne Rich poem: "I choose to love this time for once / with all my intelligence.
" To me, loving with intelligence means that once those crazy feelings of infatuation at the beginning of a relationship subside, and you and that other person start to see each other's flaws, to learn about them as an individual and not an ideal you've built up in your own head, you still choose to love them or, if you see that they are abusive or mistreating you, etc.
, you choose

to end that relationship and love someone else who respects you,

I think in a lot of our TV shows, books, and movies, there are two kinds of relationships: the young lovers who emerge victorious at the end of a romantic comedy, perfectly in love and just starting out with their lives, or the middleaged married couple who nag each other and take it for granted that romance and sex are off the table permanently.
It's kind of a sad pattern that I definitely don't want to be true in my own marriage, So to circle back to the book, I did appreciate that it was very practical about how to consciously nurture the love in a relationship it doesn't assume that once the honeymoon is over, things will fall apart.


But I still gave this book astar rating, Even though it brought Adrienne Rich to mind, Gary Chapman is no Adrienne Rich, It's kind of a bumbling mess written by someone with maybe a slight Jesus complex, I noticed that even though platonic love is discussed, every example of a romantic couple in the book is a heterosexual couple and the book presumes, consistently, that the only form of acceptable romantic love is between a man and a woman in a Christian marriage.
It was also openly against open or polyamorous relationships, I understand because I am not interested in that for myselfbut I wouldn't judge someone who wants a nonmonogamous relationship, because it's all a matter of personal choice.
I didn't like that the book assumes so much or that Chapman feels he can tell people what's best for them.


I also think too much emphasis is placed on finding your one true love language, Yes, I did just say personality tests are fun, but while reading the book I really connected with several of the love languages described almost equally.
It's nice when my spouse compliments me, but it's also nice to hold hands with my spouse, or when he does the dishes for me, or gives me a gift, or when we spend quality time together I can't really differentiate between the niceness of those different things.
Yet the book really insists everyone has one love language and maybe one secondary love language, It smacks of someone trying to sell me something and I don't like that, It's also kind of creepy and weird to read about all these troubled couples who host Chapman in their homes for the night while he's traveling for seminars, just to beg him for marital advice.
Reminds me of televangelists who prey on their flock, I'm wary of selfhelp books to begin with, I only read this one because I've heard good things about it, but it reinforced my view I don't need to be sold on the idea of love or preached to about it.


My biggest problem, which came close to the end of the book, is one example Chapman gave of how the miraculous love languages work.
A woman came to Chapman who was so sick of her marriage, she was on the cusp of leaving, because her husband didn't care about her at all anymore.
All her friends were telling her to get out, She said she hated him and asked Chapman, "can you love someone you hate" Which of course he decided to meditate on by reading the Bible.
OK, I can dig it the Bible has some good quotes and advice even if you're not religious, In fact I have no problem with the words of Jesus Chapman chose to share with this womanlove thy neighbor, treat others as you want to be treated, if you give a measure it will be returned to you until your cup runneth over, etc I'm paraphrasing because, lazy.


OK so that's all fine, But then Chapman is all, "what's your husband's love language" and she says "physical touch" and he's like "well you need to touch him and have sex with him more" and she says "but I don't want to" and he says "well yeah that will be hard but just think of Jesus" I AM NOT KIDDING.
I laughed as my valuation of the book instantly crumbled before me into sad, atheist dust, It's not directly expressed in the book, but this lady basically hints that her husband is verbally, if not physically, abusive and at the very least totally negligent and uncaring.
Well of course the suggestion works and he starts to come around and love her back in her own "love language" but any respect I had for the book disappeared at that point.


Also, even though as I've said I'm all for choosing love and loving with intelligence, some of the suggestions Chapman has are just laughable.
For instance, every day you should ask your spouse "how full is your 'love tank' on a scale ofto" and then if it's less than, you're supposed to do something to "fill their love tank.
" I'm sorry but I just can't with that childlike, pandering language, You can choose to love mindfully without teetering over into this totally clinical, almost bureaucratic method,

FINALLY, and this review is so long now I know nobody is reading at this point but oh well, all of the advice is totally directed at middleaged couples who have basically fallen out of love, so a lot of it was not applicable to me.
Also, a lot of the advice is the really basic flavor listen to each other, give your spouse undivided attention, give your spouse little gifts or notes to remind them how much you love them you could get anywhere, that honestly should just be common sense by the time you're married.
And finally finally finally, the "love languages" are nice and all, but I can see so many instances where troubles can arise in a marriage that the love languages couldn't fix.
For instance, disagreeing about money/family/politics, if one partner is downright abusive or uncaring or habitually cheating, if a partner withdraws to the point where they won't do anything to help fix the relationship despite how strongly you're speaking their "love language.
" The end. Phew. .