| Title | : | A Mothers Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | - |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Kindle |
| Number of Pages | : | - |
| Publication | : | Crown |
For the last sixteen years, Sue Klebold, Dylans mother, has lived with the indescribable grief and shame of that day. How could her child, the promising young man she had loved and raised, be responsible for such horror? And how, as his mother, had she not known something was wrong? Were there subtle signs she had missed? What, if anything, could she have done differently?
These are questions that Klebold has grappled with every day since the Columbine tragedy. In A Mothers Reckoning, she chronicles with unflinching honesty her journey as a mother trying to come to terms with the incomprehensible. In the hope that the insights and understanding she has gained may help other families recognize when a child is in distress, she tells her story in full, drawing upon her personal journals, the videos and writings that Dylan left behind, and on countless interviews with mental health experts.
Filled with hard won wisdom and compassion, A Mothers Reckoningis a powerful and haunting book that sheds light on one of the most pressing issues of our time. And with fresh wounds from the Newtown and Charleston shootings, never has the need for understanding been urgent.
All author profits from the book will be donated to research and to charitable organizations focusing on mental health issues.
Washington Post, Best Memoirs of 2016
A Mothers Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy Reviews
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Should a reviewer decide on how many stars to give a book upon the entertainment value that the book brings or the content? I enjoyed Sue Klebold's book. But as the mother of four adult children who were ages twelve to twenty one when the slaughter occurred ( I hate that Klebold refers to this incident as the tragedy. A tragedy is an earthquake or a tornado or a plane crash. Preventable cold blooded murders and the suicide of the murderers is not a tragedy ) I read this book with my hand over my eyes, peeking through my spayed fingers with a big knot in my stomach as I knew what was coming.
Although I feel very sorry for Mrs. Klebold, and perhaps expected too much from her, I was apalled at how little attention was given to the victims. She was so busy attempting to absolve herself from any responsibility that the victims were only mentioned as an after thought. Many reviws on this thread mention the repetitive nature of the text. I don't think that it was so much repetitive as an incident would be recalled and then several pages later be retold with a different slant to it. For instance when she first tells us that her older son, Byron, moved out at 18 with her and her husband's blessings, but returned for Sunday dinners and enjoyed a good relationship with the family. Fifty pages later she reveals that Byron moved out of the house at the intervention of a family councelor. Byron plays a rather large role in the family dynamic. She tells us that he had difficulty keeping a job and accused him of giving Dylan marijuana. In so many words she describes Byron as a bit of a loser and clearly adores Dylan and he becomes the basket that holds all the eggs for Sue. She is an academic and is very excited about Dylan's college prospects. Byron clearly was not college material. Having two male children with this kind of dynamic established spells trouble to me. Both boys would be effected by this in different ways. Byron, of course, suffering from the feeling of being a disappointment to his parents and the quiet Dylan, clearly the apple of his mother's eye undoubtedly felt pressure under her expectations. This is barely noted in the book by Sue.
I was also disappointed to hear absolutely nothing from the Harris family. I am sure it was their choice to not participate.but Sue was allowed to completely put the blame on Eric. This is absurd on it's face. I was fascinated by her research on the suicide gene but the theory that Eric wished to kill others and Dylan only wanted to commit suicide was offensive to ME. I can only imagine how it settled with the Harris'. Sue was very defensive about her family being accused of being well off financially. She wanted us all to understand that though her home was clearly a compound in the beautiful mountains of Colorado, it had been purchased as a fixer upper. The Klebolds were indeed well off. This becomes important when Dylan and Eric are caught stealing together. Children who are under privileged steal because of the obvious fact that they do not have the possesions that their friends do. When a child as privileged as Dylan was steals it becomes much . We are lead to believe that Eric is bad and Dylan just blindly follows him into mischeif, and eventually a murderous rampage which was originally planned to be much destructive than it was. Dylan willingly took part in making the explosive devices and it was his prom date that purchased some of the guns. This is also not fleshed out by Sue. Was this young woman held responsible in any way? I believe she should have been charged as an accessory to the crime.If that happened, Sue does not tell us.
The fact that the Klebold's marriage did not survive this most heinous of abominations was also given short shrift by Sue. The family had been weakened by many factors that were not given their due in the narritive. We all know that Sue Loved Dylan. In my opinion Dylan was her everything. So much so that she made one excuse for him after another. She would explain a negative about Dylan and then inevitably make an excuse for him at the end of the paragraph. Didn't all teenage boys behave like Dylan? No, Sue. They do not. I am not necessarily judging Sue. I am sure I have done it myself. Sometimes parents just cannot bear to see what is right in front of their face. I feel that Sue Klebold kept her hands over her eyes with her fingers splayed, just as I did while reading her story, for many years of watching Dylan become darker and darker, until the lights went out completely. -
Audiobook, Library Overdrive,.read by Sue KleboldSPOILERS INCLUDED
I haven’t felt this incredibly dissatisfied about a book, in the way I do, like this, in a very long time.
A special thanks to local Goodreads friend LisaVegan for being a great support discussing issues and battles I had daily hour by hour at times with ‘my reckoning’: living with my thoughts and feelings in the aftermath of Sue Klebold’s memoir.
It’s unimaginable the horrific devastating shocking pain range of emotions a parent faces after a tragedy of this magnitude: denial, grief, loss, shock, fear, sadness, sickness, guilt, ashamed, etc., knowing your child killed 13 students a teacher and injured 24 others. I had immediate empathy for these parents years ago. I didn’t blame them. I still don’t.in fact I felt incredible empathy for them.
When I started this book I felt even compassion and empathy for Sue Klebold. Over lunch one day with Lisa I said “I had read a harsh review of this book which I felt was ‘too harsh.”this woman is so real our hearts break for her”. I WAS SURE I WOULD GIVE HER BOOK 5 stars.Now, I don’t think that review was harsh ‘enough’.
By the next day I was writing Lisa,SO IRATE I had taken a complete turn from feeling empathetic, to feeling angry. As my reading continued — my thoughts and emotions were mostly judgmental about this entire book! I can’t tell you how angry I felt at times. THIS WAS THE BOOK SUE WANTED THE WORLD TO READ? To me there is SO MUCH OFF WITH IT. I could write pages!!!!!
I still feel sorry for the shoes Sue wears since her child did what he did I’m not saying it’s fair that she was left to suffer — but what I don’t respect are the choices she made in the print words she wrote. With the audacity, it took a lot of chutzpah to focus on HERSELF ( as a good loving mother AS MUCH AS SHE DID), and how her “sunshine boy” was a good kid and she lost a son too, FOR MOST OF THE BOOK over and over so MUCH I begin to cringe. I actually felt embarrassed and ashamed for so much narcissism she exposed of herself.
There were pages of examples of Dylan’s childhood ( her “Sunshine Boy”). A few of HER INTERPRETATIONS from the examples she shared I saw different than Sue.
I thought about how much denial she was in. Dylan was a son she wanted to see ( I don’t even blame her for being blind and having limitations we all have them)—
But there was so much justification, looking for false causes. and turning the story into a suicide story as being dominant than a kid who was a mass murderer well I’m sorry I think she is still in denial.
When Sue introduces herself today to people groups wherever she says: “I am Sue Klebold, mother of a son who committed suicide. He was also one of shooters at Columbine”.
Throughout this ‘entire’ book Sue repeats how good she was ( many examples dinner with the family she wanted to know who his friends were had rules about violence in movies etc etc etc and about Dylan: smart, good grades, would still snuggle her), and that she had NO IDEA he was capable of this. She minimize ( “BOYS WILL BE BOYS”), the year before when Dylan was arrested for a felony, and wrote a paper in school it was so disturbing the teacher called the parents. Is she kidding herself that there were no signs?
The denial about her son, starting very early:
When Dylan was 10 years old she took him roller skating. He was having trouble and falling down a lot. She wanted to hold his hand. THEY HAD VERY DIFFERENT PERSONALITY TRAITS AND DISPOSITIONS. It ‘would’ be hard for a caring hovering loving mother to get inside this type of child’s head and needs.
Dylan said he wanted to skate himself he could figure it out himself. Sue says it felt like an hour waiting for him to make it around the rink— that it was so painful watching him fall down so many times. But when he made it back, he said ( in an aggressive voice)”see, I told you I could do it myself”. Sue and her husband concluded “Dylan would be able to accomplish anything he wanted in life out of his pure will of force”.
She didn’t hear his frustrated voice or acknowledge his anger or his need to prove something by the way he snapped at his mother.
Sue spent too much time praising Dylan for doing his own laundry doing origami and his diligently working with legos.
Her BIGGEST fear was people would think she wasn’t a good parent. Why in the world would that be such a ‘big’ fear? Parenting is not about the packaging. A checklist is not required to prove great parenting. Just because there is no abusefamily dinners and holidays are emphasized ( positives on the good parenting checklist)there can still be a hollow empty package on the inside. Dylan didn’t just one day make a quick choice to kill
his deep inner voice didn’t match his families world. He didn’t express his inner world to his mother he simply was a smart rat who knew how to be and may have even cared and loved his parents very much but his inner voice was disconnected. Sue a mother who was a teacher & taught from her good mother rule book. Dylan had fired his mother very early. There were signs of his anger his frustrations.
This book was SO MUCH ABOUT SUE and that DYLAN was LOVED that I started to feel ‘embarrassed’.
How could this woman speak about she and her good loving son FOR MOST OF THE BOOK — making excuses ( oh she had many possible false causes), ultimately turning this into a suicide story — leaving all the other families dangling with “I think about them all the time”.. ( but we don’t feel it nearly as much as we feel Sue’s mission to EXPLAIN *BRAIN ILLNESS*). Give me a break
Sue was MORE UPSET, that Dylan’s Friends were not allowed to go to graduation than she expressed for the VICTIMS, killed.
I’m ashamed of this book. I felt it was an INSULT INSENSITIVE to the families and victims of Columbine.
I clearly would have been better off reading “Columbine”, by Dave Cullen for a better comprehensive ‘understanding’.
This is a MOMMY’S MEMOIR of LOSS & PAIN..The life she knew before April 20, 1999, was over. THAT I AM SOOOO SORRY FOR!!!
Yet Sue is confused still in denial. This book had to have made many people gut wrenching angry: those who lost children family and friends. I share their anger and at minimum a sad disappointment with Sue’s memoir. It felt hurtful to others.
At some point I’ll definitely plan to read Dave Cullen’s book for a accurate examination.
THANK YOU TO ANYONE who read this review I know it was long broke my own rule. But this book got under my skin. Writing this was my way of letting it go.??
[somewhat]
Off to soak in the pool not to read or listen to an Audiobook simply listen to music!!! Enjoy the sounds of nature too!!!
🌿🌳🌱🍀🍃🌴🌵 -
I was 14 when the Columbine massacre occurred. I can still vividly remember all of the news channels here in Minnesota constantly reporting on it. I remember this event so well because I quickly learned that they listened to the same music I liked, and so many talk show hosts blaming Rammstein and Marilyn Manson was just absurd to me. I remember reports that they had been bullied, and I was definitely bullied too. I saw similarities between myself and them and yet I couldn't understand why they did such a thing.
Sue explains her thoughts, feelings, and actions thoroughly and I completely understand now why Eric and Dylan could have thought such a thing would help them. Mental illnesses are very cruel, and they victimize thousands, if not , every year.
I never blamed Sue nor any of the other parents for what Dylan and Eric did. I was 14, and I knew despite my unhealthy upbringing that my decisions were only mine to own. I feel terrible for what the Klebolds and Harrises went through. They were victims too, but in the most unfathomable and misunderstood way. THANK YOU SUE, for sharing your story, and sharing a little of Dylan with the world. You are not a monster for loving your son. -
When Columbine happened I was a senior. I remember hating the parents of the shooters and asking "How could you not know?" " How did they have this arsenal without your knowledge? " Blaming the parents was an easy solution , because it made me safe. Our friends came from "normal" families with "attentive" parents. Almost 20 years later, I look at Columbine now through the eyes of a parent. A parent freaked out that her kids practice Lockdown Drills like the normalcy of sitting in the hallway, heads tucked, with a hard book protecting your neck in case of a Tornado, that we did. Scared that my kids' school will be home to yet another school shooting. It hit close to home when the Chardon Shooting occurred, as that is the next district North of here. I wanted to Homeschool my kids at that point.
So I've been reading books like Columbine by Dave Cullens looking for answers. Then I came across this book while looking at Brooks book. I wanted answers. What had she missed? What had she allowed? What could I do differently by paying closer attention to my kids' classmates or even my kids? What do I watch for? Where did she fail, that I will succeed? Just like me, you won't find those answers in this book.
That said, I do feel like at times she sugar coats a bit too much. She makes herself appear as always forgiving, always sorry, never angry at treatment from others, always deserving of hatred, acceptance. I don't buy it and I think sugar coating it goes against the information this books is about. I also have read stuff that was proven that is ignored her. Saying "there were no signs to pick up on" or "that wasn't shared with us" or "we never saw that". She talks again and again about how smart Dylan was, so why was there no concern to the grades he was receiving? Multiple sources refer to Dylan's grades tanking. Even if the teachers didn't reach out, Report Cards would have shown it. Also, many sources refer to "Dylan's Episodes". These are reported as violent , angry outbursts for years leading up to Columbine. It would happen with friends, other parents, etc but we are to believe Dylan never showed any sign of these in front of his parents and they were the only ones to not know about them. I feel this information was intentionally omitted. Parents are reading this book looking for ways to protect and help out kids and hopefully prevent loss, and I feel by leaving this stuff out, does not give the reader the truth.
My heart bleeds for Sue, it truly does, but I feel that this book could do so much , if we stop sweeping proven evidence under the rug. -
I've always wanted to hear from the parents of the Columbine shooters exactly what their experience was like. This book goes into great detail about Dylan's life growing up in Littleton leading up to the massacre. I was completely engrossed to hear from Sue Klebold what it was like to unwittingly raise a killer. One of the most overlooked aspects of the Columbine tragedy that this book illuminated for me is the fact that Eric went to the school that day to kill while Dylan went there to die.
Similar to the point that Dave Cullen makes in his great book Columbine though the boys ultimately committed murder at the school together what got them to that terrible conclusion was quite different. The most telling thing that I got from this book was that to his mother Dylan seemed like a perfectly normal teenager. He did not display any signs that would, for most parents, raise any red flags. He was involved, he had friends, he held jobs, he participated in activities at school, and his grades were good. I think for most parents we cling to the notion that those boy’s parents had to know that something was terribly wrong with their sons. This thinking helps us believe that what Dylan and Eric did could never happen with anyone we know. The terrible realization came when I started to understand that what Dylan did could happen to anybody's child.
When we put Dylan Klebold into the safe little box where he was an evil person to the core it makes us feel safer because our own child could never do something like what he did, could they? Much like other famous tragedies that ended in death Columbine is easier to deal with when we can easily explain what happened and why it happened. The chilling thing that I've come to realize is that what happened on April 20, 1999 at Columbine High School has the potential to happen practically anywhere.
The book was at times very repetitive and sometimes I did feel like Sue was trying to drive home the fact that she was an amazing parent to Dylan. Her liberal ideals did get on my nerves at times, just because they are very different from my own, but I can still appreciate her views without agreeing with them. At one place in particular in the book she tells us about an incident only days before the shootings that I have a really hard time believing is true. It feels like she included this story to make herself look better. On the other hand, if she is telling the truth, then Dylan was truly unbelievably manipulative and cruel in the way he lied to his mother that morning. Maybe it's just that it is hard to believe that a person could be so cold and deceptive.
Ultimately this book is a much needed chapter in the Columbine tragedy. The suicide of Dylan Klebold is so tragic because he was a teenager on the brink of graduation, he already had a college picked out and a dorm room paid for, he had a potentially bright future working with computers, and a family who loved him dearly. How could this boy make the horrific decision to kill himself and take innocent lives in the process? That is the question that will haunt me for years. -
I read this book over a three day period. As I was reading it I guessed that some would have the negative reactions you can read here in the 1 star reviews. It seems that many people missed the entire point of Sue's book, which she states clearly early on. It is to show HOW the signs were missed and how normal her family seemed to her so that another family doesn't miss the same things.
Her exact point is to guide others NOT to miss the signs that she admits she missed. She's explaining WHY she missed them, so others don't. I agree that she lays a significant of blame on Eric's shoulders rather than her own son's. But if we as a society are going to try to figure out what the heck drives children do these kinds of acts, we have to be willing to hear and listen to and BELIEVE her perspective. Does anyone believe that because her son wrote a disturbing essay (which the school never actually showed her) she should immediately think he's probably planning a mass murder?
Mental health professionals discharged BOTH Eric and Dylan early from the Diversion program 10 weeks before the shooting even though Eric had actually checked boxes that said "Homicidal Thoughts". These are professionals who deal with criminals. If they couldn't see it, why does everyone think untrained Mom should have?
His friends didn't see it. His teachers didn't see it. His parents didn't see it. His brother didn't see it. The criminal justice system didn't see it. That's the entire point of her book.
I would have liked to have inclusion of what the Harris's thought but that is their book to write. This book was totally insightful. -
This book missed the mark for me. I felt like although it was very heartfelt, it wasn’t rooted in reality. Yes, I do believe they were a typical middle class family and I do believe that Sue was a good mother in so many ways. I feel like she was very organized and really tried her best to be there for her sons.
The reason why I didn’t finish it was because it never got to the core issue. Anyone who can murder, is most likely a narcopath. I suppose everyone wants to know when something this tragic takes place what motivates the perpetrators. All the topics seemed to be covered. Music, drinking, drugs, depression, and a friendship with someone who was a narcasssit. Although I believe these influence teens, none of them could be a true cause for planning and killing people in a diabolical way.
I have no idea if her son was a covert narcasssit. It seems to be the only answer because although he certainly was influenced by his friendship, he still actively participated in a slaughter. Highly unlikely he had any empathy. Although maybe actively mimicking empathy his entire life. Seems like lots of passive aggressive ideation going on in the home and there is a denial that is deep rooted. -
My mom used to get upset with me because I disregarded what was going on in the world, as far as news goes. Columbine was the first news story that gripped me to the point of obsession. I asked all the questions every other person was asking, and made assumptions I had no right to make.
That changed when I read Susan's essay, I Will Never Know Why. It, to me, is the single most important essay ever written, and it changed me. Never, since reading that essay, have I ever blamed parents for their child's behavior, especially kids in their teen years. I've seen my own child act out in ways that she certainly didn't learn from her father and I, and I felt deception like I never felt it before. And stupid. I felt stupid that a teen could pull the wool over my eyes. Thanks to Susan, I learned years ago that it is foolish to think I know my child.
I waited for this book to drop on my Kindle last night, and read it until I finished it. I did have to take breaks, because she is raw and honest, and as a mother, this is a welcomed relief, but also suffocating. I can only conclude that not only is this book a reflection of Susan's most personal thoughts, but a reflection of myself and all the mistakes I've made, and the signs I've overlooked as a parent. It's suffocating to realize my own failures, simply put.
Every year, right after New Year's, I share Susan's essay on my FB page in hopes of enlightening others. Susan, I continue to send you strength, courage and clarity. Thank you for being you. From one mother to another, I give you permission to mourn your son. You can simultaneously have grief for all the victims and your son, because the heart can hold multiple emotions at once. I wish you well. -
On April 20, 1999 Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold committed what has come to be known as the Columbine High School Massacre, killing 12 students, 1 teacher, and themselves. Sadly, the Columbine incident was not the last of these tragedies, with tragedies such as the Virginia Tech Massacre, the Newtown Massacre, and now the Parkland Florida Massacre occurring, turning mass shootings from anomalies to commonplace in the United States. I was in 2nd grade when the Columbine High School Massacre happened and I remember that my question at the time was What could two teenagers be so mad about that they would go into a school and murder people in cold blood? As I have gotten older (and hopefully a little wiser) I have often wondered What did the parents see while their children were plotting these events? This book offers one answer to that question.
A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy is written by Sue Klebold, mother of Dylan Klebold. The book begins on the day of the Columbine High School Massacre, and ends on the same day; except by the end Sue mentions all the things that she missed and would have done differently had she known about mental health issues. She depicts Dylan as a normal, bright kid; noting that while he did have mood swings as a teenager, he was for the most part a respectful, shy, smart young man. Perhaps this is emphasized to show the reader that while a person may seem fine on the outside, they may have malice and rage on the inside. Like a book, you cannot judge a person by their cover.
Most of the book talks about how Klebold herself dealt with the tragedy. We often forget that while the parents of those assassinated had to grieve for a long time, this is true to an even greater degree of the parents of the murderers. They not only lost their children, they also lost the image of who they thought the child was and now have to deal with the fact that their child was a murderer. This is not something that I would wish upon anyone. Eventually, Klebold was able to recover but at a price; her health was damaged (breast cancer and stomach issues) and her marriage of 43 years came to an end. Luckily, Klebold is now an advocate of mental health, and hopes that eventually we come to think of mental health in the same way that we think of other health problems. She is not a complete Utopian; she notes in the book that even if those with brain health issues do get help they can still cause problems. (Eric Harris did see a therapist but was the chief planner of the massacre.)
The main criticism I have of this book is that Klebold tends to blame Harris for the attack and tries to minimize her sons involvement, pointing out that Klebold allowed several students to flee during the massacre and did not kill as many students as Eric. (Eric killed 8 people, Dylan killed 5.) While it is true that Dylan killed fewer people than Eric did and participated for different reasons (Dylan was suicidal and depressive, Eric was sadistic and psychopathic), it is worth noting that Eric let people go as well (one of them, Brooks Brown, wrote a book about it) and was also suffering from mental health issues. If Dylan is less to blame than Eric for having mental problems, could it be that Eric's problems were severe and made him sadistic than Dylan? And even if Eric was the chief organizer of the plot, Dylan went along with it instead of turning Eric in or talking him out of it. While the body count was different as well as the motivation, both are equally responsible.
This book is a must read in light of the recent mass shootings. It gives an insider's perspective that we do not get very often: the parent of a shooter. It also shows that we need to be as kind to the parents of the assassinated as we are to the parents of the assassins. Anger is no reason to increase someone else's pain; after all they have lost someone to a tragedy as well. It is our place to show kindness to all, since it could just as easily be us who are in that situation.
In closing, I offer my condolences to Sue Klebold. The Columbine High School Massacre was not your fault, and I cannot imagine the suffering that you have been through. I hope you know that you are loved and are an inspiration to many. -
If you're looking for a book that breaks down everything that happened on April 20th, 1999, then don't pick up this book. For that, I'd recommend "Columbine" by Dave Cullen. If you want an intimate picture of who Dylan Klebold was, the pop open this book and read away!
As someone that's been reading a lot about Columbine for a research project, I really appreciated Sue Klebold's book not just for the descriptions it presented of Dylan, but for the way it unintentionally clears up fallacies that other books make. (In particular that Brooks Brown was not Dylan's best friend as Brooks claimed in his book and that rather than being a victim, Eric and Dylan were actually bullies.) For what it's worth, I feel that "A Mother's Reckoning" even helps to validate Dave Cullen's book.
So aside from that, what Sue aims to do with this book is to detail what Dylan was like so that it can act as a warning for other parents and let them know what to look for. Sue Klebold admits that this doesn't always cast her in the best light, but overall you get the feeling that she was a great parent, especially compared to someone like Cassie Bernall's mom. The argument she presents is that it's the little things you need to look for, things that Sue could easily be forgiven for having ignored. In this regard, I feel that Mrs. Klebold succeeded in her mission.
In her attempt to show us the warnings, we get a look into Dylan's life, but also a somber display of her own life as the mother of a mass murderer. She downplays it where she can, but its evident that she's suffered, and is still continuing to suffer.
All in all, I think this book has a little bit for everybody. It satisfies us ghouls while presenting important lessons about parenting and sharing her own grief. This wouldn't be my first choice for anyone wanting to learn about Columbine, but if you already know a bit and want to learn some , I can't recommend this book enough.
Also, I have to give a shoutout to the Goodwill seller that I bought this book from in 's marketplace for sending me an autographed copy without notating it as such. I will always treasure this book.
