Procure Nerdy, Shy, And Socially Inappropriate: A User Guide To An Asperger Life Developed By Cynthia Kim Rendered As Print

rating may be based more on the fact that I've overindulged in books in a similar vein and hence have exhausted my capacity to entertain them, rather than the quality of this books' writing and content.


I think of the saying "if you've met one autistic person, you've met one autistic person" and whether it should also apply to books on autism, "if you've read one book on autism, you've read one book on autism" and hence should I be reading deeper into each book to find its uniqueness.
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But, like I've reached limits on my past special interests of jigsaws or cross stitch, I think I've reached my limit on reading this type of book, which I guess can be characterised as the genre "female writers diagnosed autistic later in life write about their life through the lens of their diagnosis, with a slight dose of text book vibes"

My one critique/query I would put to the author is the consistent use of "Aspie" given it's been removed from use and the unpleasant history of the person who named that diagnosis.


If this was the first book under the aforementioned genre I read, it would likely be,stars. Excellent book about the lifechanging discovery that you're autistic in yours, Oh, how I could relate to THAT, Based on Cynthia Kim's blog, Musings of an Aspie, this book is packed full of everything Kim's learned since her diagnosis, backed by research and supported by stories from Kim's life.
Adults expect other adults to know how to sit in a chair, p
I not only only wasn't perfect, I wasn't even "normal", p

I am not sure if CK intended her book to be especially funny, or if I was being insensitive when I gasped with laughter at reading her insiders account of someone herself who was already an accomplished human being, compensating quite nicely thank you, when diagnosed with Aspergers, the perky form of autism.


Or maybe my inadvertent laughter was more the shock of recognition that flashed when I realized that she was often describing something that I have experienced, like being constantly chastised for being fidgety and unable to sit quietly in a chair for more thanminutes.
Like being overwhelmed by particular stimuli, or rendered inarticulate when emotionally overcome or prone to solitude, withdrawn sometimes forgetting to brush my hair before going out, awkward, oblivious to common social cues: in fact that is probably one of the main reasons I gravitated towards this book: I am rather nerdy shy and socially inappropriate.
And the cover Could be a self portrait of me before I learned to modulate, simmer down,

Instead of running for a diagnoses, I recognize what a fine exists between mental health and mental illness.
I choose to stay on this side of the boundary, CK claims to have benefited from her diagnoses, finding that it has enabled her to make sense of her life.
Her strong sense of being, supported by loving family and friends, her determination and her clarity have allowed her to come to terms with the labels that come with any diagnoses.
I am glad she didn't stop there but instead has given us this brave and much needed guide to a murky area.


the rules are supposed to serve me, not the other way around, p

This book is brilliant! It teached me a lot about myself and how to deal with things.
I admire the author a lot for the way she deals with everything, I hope I can reach as far as she has, More accurate personal /,
More accurate impersonal /,

I am giving two separate ratings because this book functions both as a memoir and a selfhelp nonfiction book for people on the spectrum and those around them.
There were things I couldn't relate to and/or felt were lacking on a personal level more on that in the review proper but at the same time I think the book serves as a good overview of ASDspecific experiences of the Aspergers/twiceexceptional subtype specifically, and offers helpful tools to understand the specific characteristics and challenges of the condition/neurotype whichever word your prefer, I don't really care.


:

First, a disclaimer: I chose to read this book because I have recently been diagnosed with ASD myself, and wanted to read a memoir/nonfiction book about living on the spectrum, from the point of view of a woman diagnosed late in life specifically.
I hoped to find a life story I could relate to, in as large a part as possible, with some useful advice thrown in.


This is, largely, what I got with this book, The author shares her personal experience going through life with undiagnosed ASD, talks about the major characteristics of ASD and how they relate to her as an individual , and offers advice on how to manage some of the difficulties and disability they may incur.
The author makes it very clear people with ASD are, first and foremost, people, i, e. unique individuals with unique personalities, and as such ASD traits and specificities will not manifest the same way, or to the same degree, for different people on the spectrum.


Things I liked:

The paragraph on intellectual giftedness and being "twiceexceptional": I was happily surprised to learn the author is twiceexceptional, like myself, as that meant I could relate to what she had to say about this topic, which has become a huge source of debate and controversy in Frenchspeaking countries.
It's a topic I feel very strongly about, as it leads many people who might otherwise need a proper ADHD and/or ASD assessment astray, and into the hands of pseudoscientific charlatans out to make a quick buck out of their suffering/developmental disabilities.


Her comments about the specific vulnerability of ASD girls and women to sexual predation and relational abuse,

The fact I could relate, so much, to so many of the things she experienced and/or talked about, quite simply.
Relating to other people, even fictional people in literature, is something I often struggle with guess that all makes sense now and here I got to read about snippets of another person's life which made me smile, or want to cry, because I understood them completely, for once.


Some of the author's advice about stimming, meltdowns, sensory processing and executive function or dysfunction, as the case may be.


Thinks I liked less/disagreed with/was disappointed in:

I think it's easy to minimise the toll solitude takes on even a solitary person when you yourself aren't really alone.
The author has been married to the love her life for twenty years and has had children, She's not really, truly alone then is she I'm a loner by nature too, anintrovert, but even I have basic social needs and couldn't imagine my life without my loved ones.
They are few, and all the more precious for it, and I need them, Even as a loner, I have suffered from a crushing feeling of loneliness and alienation many times in my life, so I think it's easy to take this for granted when you're lucky enough not to suffer from it.


I'm not sure I agree with the author's take on social anxiety disorder her take being that social anxiety can't be disordered for neurodivergent people because we have perfectly rational reasons to perceive others as threatening.
I'm not sure I completely disagree with it either though, . . I don't know, I'm going to have to think long and hard about this one right now, I think social anxiety can be a natural feeling for people on the spectrum, yes, and that it can also, still, devolve into a disorder in need of remediation.


I'm still not entirely convinced by the social model of disability, Or rather, that it's the only acceptable lens through which one should approach this topic, I think it lacks nuance, just like only seeing it through the lens of the medical model lacks nuance,

I didn't have much use for the chapter on "romantic" relationships, given I doubt my partner is neurotypical, and given that I don't have any issues with intimacy related to ASD.
Still, it'll be useful for those who do have neurotypical partners, and have a hard time in the bedroom because of their sensory profiles.


I didn't have any use for the

chapter on parenting, which I skipped, but there again it will be useful for those who do have children and are on the spectrum.


It's very clear to me the author hasn't suffered from severe, chronic mental illness in addition to her ASD like I have, and this made it very hard for me to relate to some aspects of her personal lived experience.
There was next to no information given about psychiatric comorbidities, and the unique ways in which they interact with a neurodivergent profile or the impact of trauma on an autistic person.
Of course, she had no obligation to write about this, and it wasn't part of her experience, but it's something which I could've benefitted from, I suppose.


So that's why I gave it a lower personal rating, Beyond that however, I'd still recommend this book to people on the spectrum, and their loved ones, Since people seem to absolutely adore this book: unpopular opinion incoming!

It's not that I dislike it, Because I don't. Honestly, out of the three books I've recently read this one, sitelinkAspergirls: Empowering Females with Asperger Syndrome, and sitelinkPretending to be Normal: Living with Asperger's Syndrome Autism Spectrum Disorder Expanded Edition I prefer this when it comes to explanations, views, experiences, and tips.
Because, out of those three books, they are most like my own, However, the writing style made it a chore to get through, And that's why I can't give it more thanit would have beenotherwise,

Other things that I like is that it also discusses some things that are more modern like Tumblr, something I didn't find in the other books.
There were also things that I found out about myself I didn't necessarily label as ASD behaviour or at least being rooted in my ASD example: when I used to ride horses I loved, absolutely loved, to go fast.
. . something the author also describes as liking,

Like the others, she also generalises at times, But I feel like that's inevitable when you write about a topic like this, However, she does also talk about how her experience with Aspergers is uniquely her own, So, it's not all generalising, which is nice,

Honestly, this is not a perfect guide, If you are on the spectrum you might recognise yourself in some parts or maybe in none of them and don't feel the connection with others.
That's why it's such a heterogenous disorder, So, I'm not going to tell you that this is the book you absolutely should read, In my opinion it is best to read multiple books so that you can see how unique every experience is.
But this book definitely belongs in the "should read" pile, Just like the others the only ones I wouldn't recommend, especially if you want to understand ASD, are those written by "experts" who aren't on the spectrum themselves.
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