The Mother-in-Law: The Other Woman in Your Marriage by Veena Venugopal

The Mother-in-Law: The Other Woman in Your Marriage Reviews

• 
  Balachander

  Phew. I will admit that I am thoroughly depressed after reading this. Having grown up primarily in the south to mostly educated, liberal parents I had assumed that the "evil mother-in-law" trope was restricted to bad "mega-serials", poor education and small towns.(I know very little about villages to assume anything) But man, was I wrong. Some truly horrific stories about cruelty from the mother-in-law (and on occasion everyone from the man's family) ranging from instances of petty verbal taunts, physical violence,emotional blackmail, threats, narrow-mindedness (western clothes are a big no-no, a working girl is an even bigger no-no - one mom-in-law actually calls them prostitutes) and even rape from the husband to the mother-in-law who trains all grandchildren to treat her as their mother and treats the daughter-in-laws as maids. Phew, Real life seems infinitely weirder and crueler. The men rarely come out smelling of roses. A few of them are openly supportive, a few are supportive without knowing how to take on their mothers and in a few sad cases, a few brain-washed ones actually turn against the wife.
  
  I guess the only thing to be moderately happy about is that the two south Indian mom-in-laws are comparatively mild and spectacularly progressive when compared to their North Indian counterparts.
  
  If I have a grouse with the book, it's that perhaps most of the people mentioned here seem to be from a middle-class to super rich economic background. It might have been interesting to see if small town marriages are similarly depressing or if there are surprises there.
  
  To conclude, all the girls who I know are in happy marriages, you have no idea how lucky you are. And the unmarried ones, you might want to read this.
• 
  Marcia

  Only got 17% in... found it quite depressing actually
• 
  Marcy

  This is a far more serious book than I had imagined. The stories in it--which are, by the way, case studies--are often rather devastating. Some of the mothers-in-law appear innocuous--even loving and fun at first--but as the daughters-in-laws' stories unfold it is clear that it was all a manipulative ploy. The book surveys young women (mostly upper-middle-class and urban, though from both the north and south) and one mother-in-law in her role as daughter-in-law as well (which is the most interesting chapter). There is certainly a range of experiences here, but there is clearly a conditioning--of mothers-in-law and their sons--that leads to quite an unhealthy relationship in the family. One thing I would have liked to read more about is why so many women--even those conscious of the problems in these dynamics--do not do more to intervene in this dynamic.
• 
  Payal Rana

  The novel is like of s frustration of a Daughter in law .I do agree there a people who have bad experience with the mother in laws but there are some good also. The novel should have shown both the pro and cons of mother in law.
• 
  Heena Garg

  Tried to take some help from this book but it is very harsh as per current times. Of course stories could be true but reading such stories will not help to revive positivity in any woman's mind.
  This book can only make aware strong women, about the women who succumbed to adjustments after the marriage. Reasons are still unknown.
  
• 
  Sushumna Kannan

  Best book I have read in a long time. This is how writing is done. This is how a book should read. Perfect length, perfect timing, just perfect everything. Reminded me effectively why I cannot be anything but a feminist, not that I needed reminding. Now I am just counting the number of people I want to recommend this book to. Partying is not the point, freedom to do what we like in accordance with our upbringing and understanding is (my response to someone who commented on this).
• 
  Sigy George

  GENRE: Cultural, India, Realistic
  
  Rating:4/5
  
  Duped, yes I was duped by the comic cover of the MIL with a rolling pin and the DIL with a skimmer. The title had me believe that this was going to be fun read about the squabble between Mother-in-laws and Daughter-in-laws. But the pages within contained stories or rather fictionalized version of someone's reality that it took the air out of me. Each story had me asking the same question: How can women inflict torture on another of their own? Is the power ratio so imbalanced that women go to any extent to have an upper hand? While these thoughts were running in my mind I fell into thinking that even though we are fast progressing in the 21st century there are things that still throttle our growth at the roots. These are the rigid, conservative,monopolistic, chauvinist outlook that the society has for women in general. And it does not help that this mentality is watered into the men since childhood by their very own mothers. Mothers who instead of teaching sons to be kind and respectful towards women, teach them to be princes in their own little world where all their whims and fancies are to be met. The men grow up to be bigger babies with beards and moustaches who refuse to grow up. Their mothers smother them with love and any deed of theirs is considered right.
  
  So when in this equation comes the daughter-in-law, she is eyed with suspicion and the MIL fears losing hold over her son and household. Harboring these insecurities she only sees the new girl as an enemy. The mil's do their level best to create  wedge in the relation of husband and wife so that she is always between them, invisible yet whole. We have a plethora of saas-bahu saga, but the book brought forth a reality that was beyond  any of this.
  
  The book contains fictionalized stories of real life happenings of women whom the author interviewed. To protect identity they've been renamed but the events are just as real. As the title suggests, the author went looking for some funny stories involving Mother-in-law, but came back with a bag full of stories of torture, manipulation, power politics, scheming and conniving women. Is this the imminent future we are providing our daughters?
  
  There are eleven stories of eleven different women who share their stories about their MIL. There is Rachna who falls in love with her MIL before her husband only to realise that she was driving her life in ever aspect. Then we have Carla who belongs to Australia and who has a MIL who is unwilling to accept her owing to her 'white skin' and her notions of how Western women are. Payal weds into a joint family and struggles through enough but catches grip of the situation and fights for a separate kitchen and peaceful dwelling. Keisha, an Anglo-Indian girl is raped by her extremely conservative husband in the very presence of her MIL almost every night, and who enjoys sadistic pleasure in being audience to the torture. Then there is Arti, a successful journalist who is not allowed to sit on the couch in her marital home, which is seen as insult to the real members namely her in-laws, Deepa, whose mother-in-law called her a prostitute only because she was working. Similarly, there are stories of Anshika, Seema, Supriya, Nikita and Arti. There’s also Lalitha who speaks about her mother in law and her daughter in law Michelle who tells about Lalitha.
  
  
  Reading this book feels like a hot gossip session with your girlfriends whewr you bitch about your respective MIL's. But the only difference being that the gossip is no fun rather harrowing and traumatic tales of insults, taunts, tortures, rape and sadism. A girl is not a commodity to be bartered off as a commodity or chattel, nor is she a machine to work without break. She is just as much human as the rest of you.
  
  This is a well researched and honest book, which will be an eye opener to both men and women. It goes to show how the silent act of husbands and Father in laws prove to be perilous for the daughter in laws and wives. The lack to strike a balance or toe the line for the MIL and DIL causes damage that sometimes cannot be healed.
  
  Striking a slightly comic relief to the otherwise dry and depressing mood, Veena list Do's and Don'ts for Indian marriage and also Ten ways to survive the Mother-in Law- after conclusion. Go on and read to know what your future can be or seek solace that there are others like you.
  
  Some quotes:
  
  “In India, modernity is like a new outfit, you wear it only when you go out.” 
  
  “There is no fashion police stricter than the Indian mother-in-law.” 
  
  “Indian mothers do have an obsessive love for their sons. The whole notion of preference for the boy child feeds into this obsession.” 
  
  “Certainly, whom you marry on that day determines how you live the rest of your life. So forget about what you’ll wear and how you’ll have your hair done, focus on finding a man who has your back.” 
  
  “In many of the stories, husbands who don’t stand up for their wives often end up destroying their marriages.” 
  
  “You all talk about family values all the time. I am not sure what the family value is when a pair of pants is more important than wishing your family members well,” .
• 
  Janane

  Slightly horrifying this is, considering the age I'm in. :|
• 
  Khayma

  I asked my partner who was on a trip to India to buy me this book. I thought it would be a witty and funny read, but I was proven wrong. The book took me close to three weeks to complete, because of the emotional reaction that I felt for each story.
  
  I would suppose my emotional reaction was strong because of my cultural background, I come from the Indian community and have heard many an unbelievable story of the mother in law madness. At first I channelled my anger toward my partner but came to a quick realization that this was not healthy for our relationship. So I adopted the method of telling him the gist of each story and having a discussion about it with him. It was helpful as I could positively get it out of my system.
  Veena Venugopal has compiled eleven real stories of the mother in law- daughter in law relationship by talking to eleven women about their marriage. Hence the book can be considered a non-fiction. In her own words she admits that she was looking for witty and humorous stories but ended up baffled by some of the crazy things she heard. In her introduction, she talks about her own relationship with mummyji (how she refers to the mother in law. The ji shows that you are not the daughter, but the daughter IN LAW).
  
  It irks me that the mother in law has the last say in the daughter in law’s clothes, jewellery, intimacy with her own husband, job, how many kids she can have and this list never stops growing, but Instagram has given me limited space. Should I have read this when I was single, I would have taken a vow of never marrying, but I am with an amazing guy now, so that vow doesn’t have a place in my life now.
  
  The fact that Veena has evoked so much emotion in me by presenting these stories in such a straightforward manner begs for an applaud for her. Do read it. If you are an Indian, lets hope you do not find the stories relatable. I mean that in the nicest way possible. If you are non-Indian, then you get a glimpse of this complicated relationship.
• 
  Lindi Jarvis

  This book was such a difficult read. I Read a few other reviews and my thoughts were similar. I knew nothing about the book when I started it and thought it was a work of fiction but was a non-fiction book which looks at the relationship of 11 women to their mother-in-laws. It is based in India and shows the cruelty of the mother-in-laws and husbands towards these women. With only one story being positive this book was difficult to read and also difficult to come to a conclusion about whether this is the norm in India or whether the sample of women chosen happened to mostly have a negative relationship with their mother-in-law. My rating is therefore a 2.5 rounded to 3 because the writing was good and the book really challenged me and will therefore stay with me for a long time.
• 
  Richa Naik

  Picked this book thinking it would be a light read.. quite the contrary, it turned out to be quite a serious one and left me with a feeling of impending doom. Don’t get me wrong, this is a very well researched and well written book on a topic which many Indian women are known to have troubles with. While there are a few funny stories, many are horrific and leave you feeling extremely sad and wondering how atrocious and vile can one woman act against another. Surely an eye opener about real life saas-bahu stories..
• 
  Anita Ramchandani

  Well written! A good and honest book!
  
  Well written and brutally honest book! The truth that needs to be shared and openly spoken. My heart goes out to all the young women who go through suffering in the name of marriage. An eye-opener, a must read for all young girls. Make wise decisions in life!
• 
  Jo-anne

  This book provides a fascinating look into the power of the Mother-in-Law in contemporary India. Some of the first-hand stories are frustrating and some are just heartbreaking, but all are a challenge to understand for those of us not brought up in similar cultures.
• 
  Prerna Katyal

  Read half, but considering complete. Written in funny tone, but more or less similar stories.
• 
  Book-a-Holic

  Not bad. There were two really bad stories in them but nothing too special.
  
• 
  Brinda Narayan

  
  https://brindasnarayan.com/indianmoth...
• 
  Manisha

  As the name suggests, this book is about THE mother in law. Veena Venugopal travels around the country to meet a few married women of different age groups who all have one thing in common : an interesting tale about their Mummyji or the mother in law.
  
  There are altogether eleven tales of eleven different women who share their stories about their mummyji. There is Rachna who met her to be mother in law in a wedding who went on to impress Rachna in all possible way and then made her meet her son. There is Carla who belongs to a different country and who’s mother in law is not ready to accept her because of her “white” skin. Payal, who has been wed in a joint family and struggled hard enough to get a separate kitchen. Similarly, there are stories of Anshika, Seema, Deepa, Supriya, Keisha, Nikita and Arti. There’s also Lalitha who speaks about her mother in law and her daughter in law Michelle who tells about Lalitha.
  
  Reading this book is like having a gossip with your girl friends where you talk about your mummyji while sipping on tea during a cool evening. The plus point of the book is Veena Venugopal’s grip over the language. Funny, witty, sarcastic at times the book undoubtedly makes an interesting read. The minus point is though, at certain point, the deeds of mummyji narrated in the book are unbelievable. You can relate to a few incidents, while you gasp at some others.
  
  All in all, worth reading once for the interesting topic that it has and the author’s creative language !!
  
• 
  Natasha

  I am not married so I can't validate the horror behind the stories that I have read but I do have to admit that every story reminded me of the horror each one of my girlfriend's had or rather have to face in their married lives.. oh well as the saying goes "a woman is a woman's worse enemy.." and there is no better relationship than between that of a mother-in-law and daughter-in-law to validate it.. if anyone wants a quick read and understand the cruel existing imbalance of this relationship in the Indian society, the book is worth a buy and worth a quick read..
• 
  Noor RK

  A clear winner in terms of narrative and style, my only problem with this otherwise hilarious and thought provoking collection of stories is with some of the narratives.
  
  I mean, really, is it so bad if your mother in law doesn't like it when you go clubbing till 4 AM?
  
  Some of the stories were, admittedly, disturbing, and there were several inspiring narratives as well.
  
  Hats off to Veena! This is something our generation needed. The moral: when marrying (for love, or not), take a good long look with your mother in law. In her game of holy matrimony, you either win or cry.
• 
  Mona

  Hesitant to review this book because though it was a quick enough read, it was the stuff of saas-bahu dramas on TV. The commentary was a little prejudiced in some of the stories and there were no new insights. All in all, while I really felt for the daughters-in-law stuck in some of the more horrendous situations, the stories themselves came across as very one-dimensional.
• 
  Disha

  Very boring. Nothing comes across. Straight out of Ekta Kapoor's Saas Bahu Saagas
• 
  Nids

  Describes every details of this relationships in a very subtle manner. Presents myths and facts of this relation through various stories. Loved it and recommended to all married women.
• 
  Jayanti Jha

  Read this with a LOT of apprehension for work purposes but turned out to be a ridiculously fun read!
• 
  Deivka Datta

  Must read for all Indian women and women in general.
• 
  Rabia

  Sigh!!!! I have pick this book for fun and to giggle while reading it. While in this book situation was vice-versa.
  Stomach churning stories has been shared by the author. These stories are horrified in reality. Sometime i feel these are the frustration of daughter in laws and they exaggerated it.
  Mainly author tried to do case studies of different person and too main thing ie arrange marriages. I think if she took love marriages, she'll be able to write more hardh and painful stories.
  In 12 stories of the book mother in law figure look like an alien nation in India. At some points i recall all those news regarding India in which daughter in laws suffered a lot.
  Book has started off quite funnily about the author's mother in law. Ended up being sad.
  I agree with it that there are daughter in law, who have bad experience with the mother in laws but there are some good as well. The book should have shown both the pro and cons of mother in law.
  If you are comparing mother with mother in law you are quiet wrong. Keep both at their place. It's the best option for daughter in law. In all sad stories there are role of husband too because they have to keep justice among two ladies and being bearable.