The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate by Fran Hauser

The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate Reviews

• 
  Lori Tatar

  I absolutely loved this book! It felt like I had a mentor speaking to me and guiding me to behaviors that would strengthen me. I have felt for a long time that I do not have issues holding my own in conversations or presenting and discussing information.
  
  As I read The Myth of the Nice Girl, a couple things came to mind, first that I am very fortunate to work for a mega-company that has built its brand on diversity and spends quite a bit of time and capital recruiting minorities, including women. What this book reminded me is that the vast majority of people, women in particular, are not so fortunate and work for organizations that may not consciously have bias but do, in practice, at least unconsciously hold different standards for women and minorities.
  
  The second thing that came to mind is that I do not do as well under all circumstances as I do in others, and I also am reluctant to assert myself sometimes, or apologize for doing so. Fran Hauser illustrated this and got me to see myself a little more objectively in that regard.
  
  To keep this review from becoming too lengthy for you to enjoy reading, I want to mention one last thing, and that is that I look at many books as tools thus do not find it a crime to annotate or leave other signs of them having been read. A habit I have is that on a page with a favorite thought or passage, I will make a tiny dog ear so I can go back later and thumb through and find exactly what I was looking for easily. The Myth of the Nice Girl: Achieving a Career You Love Without Becoming a Person You Hate by Fran Hauser wins the dog ear contest! More than a third of the pages have folded corners. When I say I loved it I mean it!
• 
  kartik narayanan

  Read the full review at our
  blog
  
  
  This book came up in my goodreads feed and the subtitle 'achieving the career you love without becoming the person you hate' really drew me into the book.
  
  The author Franc Hauser had started her career at a huge accounting firm, then moved to media and is now a mentor and start-up investor. She felt the need for this book based on her own experiences in the real world on how to be nice and successful at work. It is not easy but comes with conscious practice. After all, who would want to work with a heartless task master? At the same time, you wouldn't want others to mistake your being nice for stupidity or weakness.
  The book is about being “nice” at work and nice is defined as being considerate, genuinely kind and respectful towards others but not being a people pleaser or a doormat. The nine chapters of the book are the author’s experiences in working with people right from her early career up to and including her current pursuit as. She has described various situations which presented themselves to her and how she kept her cool and made her point, without being come across as being a … um, the term rhymes with the word hitch. She had successfully come out of these sticky situations most times; at other times, she had learnt something valuable. She shares both kinds of experiences and the tactic or the learning from each one.
  
  Read the full review at our
  blog
  
• 
  Suzanne

  "Just so we are clear, don't mistake my kindness for stupidity." - Kat Cole
  
  I must admit that when I started reading The Myth of the Nice Girl, I wasn't sure that I was going to get much out of it. It initially felt a bit lightweight and fluffy. But the more I read, the more I started taking notes, and the more inspiring/helpful I found it.
  
  Fran Hauser shares challenging moments and lessons from her own stellar career as well as anecdotes from her friends and people she's worked with to help you better navigate the world of work as a woman. (Although, frankly, a lot of the advice is not just applicable to women.) She deftly balances between giving you theory and actionable steps. I ended up making a ton of highlights and bookmarks in my ebook as it was packed with useful information. Even better, I think it will not only help me personally, but also as someone who manages and mentors others.
  
  I liked it so much, it made my list of
  6 Books That Every Career Woman Should Read.
• 
  Hoolia

  Hmm. This was a little bit of a pickle for me.
  
  On one hand, I really liked the author's absolute rejection that women should try to embody a completely different persona just to get ahead--"pretend to be someone you're not" is the essential message most women get when advised about leadership, and it's fucking grating and 100% WRONG. Having a book that addresses the topic of leading with the force of your own character, not someone else's character, or someone else's idea of what a "tough" leader looks like, is a refreshing thing to see in books targeted towards young, professional women. To be frank, all of this advice could be taken by men as well, considering that men are under a lot of pressure to live up to the "macho" leadership stereotype. I would love to have some of my male colleagues and superiors read this just to get it through their thick heads that berating people doesn't make you tough. I also thought that the chapter on mentoring and being mentored was especially helpful, and something that I hadn't thought about before. Highly recommend this book to young professionals of any gender!
  
  However, I couldn't help but feel that the book had blinders on. There was a lot written about being sensitive to other people's emotions, and being as kind as possible when doing anything at all, even when writing out emails. I'll be real, I'm not a naturally "nice" person, and I don't work in a "nice" industry, so I'm definitely not the target audience. But so much of this book was absorbed in focusing on other people's feelings without ever questioning why women are expected to be this emotionally considerate at all. Why is there not a book called Hey Men, Stop Taking Everything Your Female Leadership Tells You So Damn Personally, They Are Just Trying To Do Their Fucking Jobs? Or how about Having Your Emotional Well-Being And Validation Depend Entirely On People Being Nice To You At Work Is Unhealthy, Unrealistic, And Will Ultimately Make You Miserable? Even in my very un-nice industry, the amount of emotional labor I am expected to do compared to my male colleagues is astounding, and frankly annoying, because again, I am not a "nice" person. Granted, this book does sort of address this topic, but in a very lukewarm way, almost like the author is just shrugging her shoulders and going "Well, that's the way it is!" I suppose it's not the fault of the author, but I am incredibly frustrated that there is a huge market for advising women on how to manage their emotions and zero books teaching men how to not lose their fucking minds when being told to do something by a woman.
  
  This isn't to say this book isn't useful. It absolutely is. At its core, it's about how to maintain polite, friendly working relationships with people so they'll want to work with you again. In a competitive corporate world, I can definitely see how those skills might be rare, and how women especially might be targeted for being too "weak" when they express empathy for colleagues or employees. But I honestly feel that the same things can be accomplished by not focusing on being "nice," but on focusing on actually knowing your team and taking care of them. Where do they want to be in 5 years? In 10? Where are they from? What are their kids' names? How is their spouse doing? What are their hobbies? Is anyone sick? How can you, as a leader, make sure that they are stable enough to grow as a leader? I can understand that in a fast-paced corporate world, in-depth connections like these just aren't feasible, but to be honest, that just leaves me with a distaste for the work environments the author describes, rather than a desire to pick up being a nice girl.
  
  I listened to the audiobook version, which was narrated by the author. She did a fine job narrating and the book itself was easy to follow. No complaints on format.
• 
  Danielle

  I could not put this book down! The Myth of the Nice Girl is a practical guide on how to succeed with kindness, integrity, and authenticity. Fran Hauser gives her readers permission to show up as themselves in the workplace—nice AND ambitious. She provides personal examples of how being nice and genuinely connected with others leads to professional advancement and perhaps more importantly, fulfillment. But, do not mistake kindness for weakness! Fran is a savvy and successful business woman who knows her worth and stands her ground. The Myth of the Nice Girl encourages and teaches the reader how to do the same. This might be the most influential professional development book I have ever come across. Because Fran shares so generously from her own personal experience her advice is accessible and applicable wherever you are on the career ladder. I cannot wait to give this book as a gift!
• 
  Kathleen

  As a former colleague of Fran's, I have witnessed first-hand her unique ability to be a nice, compassionate, analytical, ambitious, and successful executive. This book shows it can be done and gives you the tools you need to get there. I was fortunate to read an advance copy of the book and every single chapter resonated with me. As someone who has been told at work that I need to "push people harder" and "not be so nice," this proves that that line of thinking is not only antiquated but inauthentic. The mix of research, real-life anecdotes, and actionable advice (how to negotiate and not want to cry!) makes this a must-read for any woman who wants to get ahead without sacrificing her self.
• 
  Andy

  I got this because I mentor young women. There are some sections specific to women and sexism, but much of the book could apply to “nice people” in general. I expect numerous tips will be useful.
• 
  Anna Malivska

  It should have been a blog post.
  The general idea is interesting but very simple - be nice but not at your own expense.
  Definitely not enough content for 250 pages.
• 
  Bahareh Mostafazadeh

  It's worth a read if you're looking for practical advice.
• 
  Jessica

  I listened to this on audible and was surprised by how much I enjoyed it. I picked this up because it was a work book club pick.
  
  There was a lot of great advice for the workplace and especially new managers or anyone in the position of having to give feedback or having difficult conversations.
  
  She talks about taking risks, failures, the importance of mentors, and more. One of the things that I appreciated most was that the author provided lots of specific examples from her own career experience.
  
  I wish I had read this when I first started my career out of college!
• 
  Sadaf Matinkhoo

  One of the few self-help type books that focus on the point and don't spread too thin by repeating the same thing over and over. Full of practical advice and strategies for career advancement.
• 
  Danielle Corcione

  I could not put this book down! The Myth of the Nice Girl is a practical guide on how to succeed with kindness, integrity, and authenticity. Fran Hauser gives her readers permission to show up as themselves in the workplace—nice AND ambitious. She provides personal examples of how being nice and genuinely connected with others leads to professional advancement and perhaps more importantly, fulfillment. But, do not mistake kindness for weakness! Fran is a savvy and successful business woman who knows her worth and stands her ground. The Myth of the Nice Girl encourages and teaches the reader how to do the same. This might be the most influential professional development book I have ever come across. Because Fran shares so generously from her own personal experiences her advice is accessible and applicable wherever you are in your career. I cannot wait to give this book as a gift!
• 
  Kristi Connell

  An enjoyable read, but one that seemed more suited to younger women in their career journey. I did find the Four Square Model to be a helpful tool for identifying and focusing on my personal priorities, and I’m excited about implementing that concept in my own life. I wish I’d had been able to read a book like this fifteen years ago!
• 
  Mehrsa

  This is just a bland career advice book whose central message is: don't be a jerk, but don't be a pushover. It's an important message (sadly), but I think it mostly applies to people (I mean, women) starting out in their careers.
• 
  Laura

  I'm writing this review months after reading the book, and I don't remember much of it other than thinking it was fine. Maybe that says all I need to say.
• 
  Amanda Coopersmith

  I finished this book feeling uplifted, recharged, and hopeful about my career.
  
  Fran formats the book beautifully to make each chapter digestible and engaging. Each chapter opens with statements from different women that help reveal the mixed messages and beliefs "nice" girls navigate in their careers. Fran then shares anecdotes about her own career, friends' careers, and situations her mentees have experienced that have given her insight into how to successfully navigate these double standards. At the end of each chapter, she sums up her suggestions and methods into an actionable, bulleted list.
  
  I found the chapter "Set Boundaries and be Caring" to be particularly useful at this stage of my career. I especially liked the idea that there is a sweet spot between yes and no, where you can be helpful and caring by offering something small and thoughtful when you don't have the capacity to deliver on a larger ask. I think this idea of showing up and being thoughtful while making space for yourself is an important theme throughout the book.
  
  As someone early in my career who is still trying to find my natural voice and cadence, I feel like Fran's insights have saved me from years of confusion and anxiety around how to bring my authentic self to work. Fran's candor, strength, and kindness shine through on every page and remind me of the kind of woman I aspire to grow into. I am sure I will return to different chapters this book throughout my career as I face new challenges!
• 
  Alejandra Martinez

  In the work place, do we have to suppress our “niceness” to get ahead? Fran Hauser says, “NO.”
  
  Nice is your capital 💸💸💸
  
  This is the first self-help book I’ve read this year and I’m so glad I picked it up. I’ve been working for about four years now. I’m instictly nice. I like to make personal connections with the people I work with, but at my first job out of college I was definitely taken advantage of (by some).
  
  At work being a “nice girl” was seen as a push over or people pleaser. And it took so much energy and time out of me 😣☹️ I found myself in sticky situations, apologizing for no reason and constantly complaining to close friends about how some coworkers treated me bad or how my ideas were constantly criticized or not heard.
  
  Since then, I’ve learned to establish boundaries, to stand up for myself (a little better), to push for what I want and ask for it too.
  
  & this book really made me feel seen. It taught me that being nice & strong at work are NOT mutually exclusive.
  
  The chapters touched on:
  🔸being more confident and speaking up during meetings
  🔸how to make decisions firmly and collaboratively without seeming “bossy”
  🔸how to negotiate with strategy/ empathy without seeming “greedy”
  🔸how invest in yourself and not feel self-centered
  
  Key takeaway: Be nice, be you & spread the power of kindness.
  
  This is the book I feel any woman in the workplace will find herself identifying with many of the stories shared.
• 
  Jessie

  I absolutely LOVE this book. Women do not have to be a bi*** to be in charge and Fran shares stories about herself, her mentors and her colleagues to show how this can be done. She also includes stats about the wage gap and this one about men vs. women applying for jobs: Men often apply for jobs when they meet only 60% of the qualifications. Women need to ask themselves if they're 60% qualified.
  
  Some of the pieces of advice she shared that really resonated are:
  1. Pay attention to the way you talk about yourself
  2. STOP SAYING SORRY
  3. If something at work bothers you (or in life for that matter), say it! Spare yourself a week of analyzing and advice from friends and just squash it in the moment.
  4. Understand if you're doing something because you want to, or because it will please someone else.
  
• 
  Jennie

  I was lucky to get an Advanced Readers Copy of The Myth of the Nice Girl. I cannot wait until it comes out - I will be buying copies for my college-aged daughter and the young women I mentor at work. The Myth of the Nice Girl is a down-to-earth guide to professional success that foregoes gimmicks and offers real world tactics anyone can use to achieve their goals while remaining true to themselves. Fran Hauser teaches us that being nice and being powerful are not mutually exclusive. In fact, the stories we've been told about being nice (if you're too nice, you're a pushover, for example), have got it all wrong. Being authentically nice is a secret super power. Let's hope The Myth of the Nice Girl ushers in a new era of powerful, compassionate women leaders. From the boardroom to the Oval Office, we really need the kind of leadership Fran Hauser espouses in the Myth of the Nice Girl.
• 
  Natalia Quintero

  LOVED reading this book. It explains why being ambitious / successful is not at odds with being nice and offers a credible and practical framework to develop an authentic voice / professional persona.
  
  Fran shares engaging case studies and anecdotes that showcase how executives have been able to straddle being successful and nice. It's inspiring to read and exciting to have tools to put into practice.
  
  Can't wait to share this book with friends and colleagues to spread the message that authenticity and kindness can make us more effective as professionals and as people. With this collective takeaway, a future filled with kindness might just be ahead of us.
• 
  Heidi

  I was pleasantly surprised by this book. I was expecting a book to teach me to become tougher and how to use my niceness to achieve this. This is what I been reading too many other places that you cannot become successful and be nice at the same time.
  
  This book showed me how to use my niceness as an factor in my work, and how to make it my "weapon". I am greatfull to read a book about how to be nice and still succeed in business. Niceness is one of my traits that I like the most, but are the most skeptical towards, therefor I am happy for a book that tell me to be my self!
  
  *Copy provided by Edelweiss in exchange for an honest review*
• 
  Kristina Libby

  Fran Hauser has worked everywhere and has the tips and recommendations people need to really make the most of their careers. Filled with solid frank advice, it is the guide for getting what you want regardless of where you are in your career. In my opinion, it’s a must read for every female or male who wants to achieve their career dreams.
• 
  Janet Comenos

  This book is fantastic and is a must read for any female executive or employee. There are so many valuable lessons in here that are going to help me as a female CEO, lessons that will help my young managers, and even our most junior employees. There were 30+ actionable suggestions in this book that I am starting to incorporate into my company's work today, and I just finished the book yesterday!
• 
  Rebecca Tredway

  This might be the most illuminating, affirming, and helpful book I read all year. And I'm reading a lot of good books so that's saying something.
  
  I picked this up from the library and now have a copy in my Amazon shopping cart. I have a feeling I'll need Hauser's words as a reference in future days.
• 
  Lilian

  Let us take a minute to appreciate the cover of this book.
  
  I have picked up and read many leadership/self-help books in my short millennial life mainly because of the buzz around an author's great accomplishments. In addition, I am not one to judge a book by its cover but I have to admit this was sourced from Netgalley purely because of the cover. I had never heard of Fran Hauser in my neck of the internet woods until I got through this book.You can see her accomplishments on her website.
  
  In The Myth of the Nice Girl, Fran unpacks from her extensive corporate experience how she was able to harness her 'niceness' into a superpower and achieve her career and general life goals. Drawing mainly from her own experiences and the women that she has mentored over the years, she gives specific examples of how colleagues (because we tend to spend most of our lives working) can easily mistake 'niceness' or 'kindness' for weakness. Women are caught in a double-bind because if they are nice, they are labelled pushovers, mediocre and people pleasers. On the other end of the spectrum, if they are firm and speak up, they are regarded as arrogant, selfish or rude.
  
  One of the major issues that Ms Hauser tackles in the book is saying no especially when you feel that it could strain a relationship. Popular career advisors will state that is important to go above and beyond one's call of duty so that you can not broaden your skills and portfolios but also increase your visibility in your company. However, what they may not openly state is that when you say yes to a new project, you also say no other things like time with your loved ones or "self-care" time.
  
  In the chapter titled "Set Boundaries and Be Caring", Fran shares how she came to prioritise boundaries in her professional life as a nice person. Fran learned this first hand when she became known as the girl who volunteers for everything till her boss automatically assigned her additional tasks. So she mustered the courage with the following script :
  
  "I've been struggling with how to talk to you about this. Over the past two weeks, I've had to change my personal plans three times at the last minute to stay late. I'm afraid my boyfriend is going to break up with me! But truthfully, I wonder if this is a good opportunity for someone else on the team to step up and pitch in."
  
  Examining this response, Fran was respectable with her boss but still got her point across with a touch of humour. You bet that she not only gained her boss' respect but also from her colleagues. Since she was able to get him to spread pending work more evenly among her team members in future instances, giving them opportunities to shine.
  
  Some people regard books in the female leadership space as propagating male-bashing. This book is nothing of the sort. Fran clearly shows through examples from both male and female colleagues that it is important to correct people especially when they are inappropriate or acting as bullies. As humans, we are prone to err. That said, it is important to use that situation as a learning point and know when it is time to escalate the issue.
  
  Aside from the stunning cover, readers will appreciate Fran's seasoned advice and the step by step strategies on how to establish boundaries, negotiating "win-win" deals while being nice, up your networking game and to speak up at meetings. For self-help junkies, this book might have very familiar content but it you will appreciate the anecdotes and help you muster the courage to make small but life-changing styles. With endorsements from heavyweights like Arianna Huffington and Randi Zuckerberg, The Myth of the Nice Girl poised to be a bestselling hit, so keep it on your radar.
  
  Review first appeared on Kerry's Blog
• 
  Meredith

  I both loved and slightly dis-liked this book.
  Loved:
  - Great advice on... setting boundaries so you're aren't exploited or overlooked at work... working on networking... how to speak up without sounding b**chy... how to find balance between wanting to help without becoming a people pleaser (and therefore overlooked/exploited again)...
  - Each chapter addresses a different aspect of professional lives; not just 'at work'. Which I really liked.
  - She also discusses that 'having it all' is different for different people and also different depending on what stage of your life you are in. Whoo hoo! Someone said it. I can be happy with where I am. I don't have to lean in every... single... day.
  
  Dis-liked:
  - I felt that there was a lot of company name dropping. Yes, I get that it helps you speak from a position where we will trust what you're saying because you worked for Coke/Time/etc. But it started to feel like the book could have been about half as long without it.
  - I get that women have a unique problem at work. (trust me I do, I'm a female engineer). So this book was going for a specific market. And some of it definitely applies mostly to women. But the aspect of how to be nice genuinely kind person and a good employee who isn't exploited or overlooked.... I know a lot of men who need that advice too. Maybe a companion book for the guys?
  
  Overall, I did feel like there was good advice in here and some that I'm going to try to implement in my own career. I will probably re-read this again at some point. Maybe buy my own copy and just highlight/redact so I get the book I really wanted to read.
• 
  Charise

  Excellent resource for young professionals. Wish I had been able to read this 15 years ago. Even so, everyone has a different journey and will likely take away practical tips from this read.
  
  While I do recommend this to all highly sensitive individuals (regardless of gender), I had to keep three things in mind to manage my expectations: (1) it’s about improving your path through a patriarchal system, not changing said system; (2) the examples and advice translate best to more structured, mature corporate environments. Organizational behavior and power dynamics at startups or small organizations can offer unique challenges around bias in the workplace; (3) the author is a privileged white woman.
  
  The author does encourage women to shoulder more emotional labor than should be necessary. I can only hope that some of the women and allies who read this book write their own accounts of going beyond the personal journey of success to transform culture and power dynamics in their workplaces.
  
  If anyone is aware of a similar book by a woman of color, please reply to this review with the info. Thanks in advance.
• 
  Melissa

  I read this book for a "Women in Leadership" group at work. The title was intriguing and there are a few good suggestions, but partway through I was over the name dropping.
  
  "A candid guide for ambitious women who want to succeed without losing themselves in the process.
  In The Myth of The Nice Girl, Fran Hauser deconstructs the negative perception of "niceness" that many women struggle with in the business world. If women are nice, they are seen as weak and ineffective, but if they are tough, they are labeled a bitch. Hauser proves that women don’t have to sacrifice their values or hide their authentic personalities to be successful. Sharing a wealth of personal anecdotes and time-tested strategies, she shows women how to reclaim “nice” and sidestep regressive stereotypes about what a strong leader looks like. Her accessible advice and hard-won wisdom detail how to balance being empathetic with being decisive, how to rise above the double standards that can box you in, how to cultivate authentic confidence that projects throughout a room, and much more."