Alice in Genderland: IA Crossdresser Comes of Age/ISupTm/Sup by Richard J. Novic

Alice in Genderland: IA Crossdresser Comes of Age/ISupTm/Sup Reviews

• 
  Sally

  When it first appeared on the scene 6 years ago, Alice in Genderland was one of the first memoirs to deal proudly and openly with the subject of crossdressing. No less relevant today, it has been updated and revised, making it worth revisiting.
  
  Depending on where you are in your life, and how comfortable you are with your crossdressing, this can be a difficult read. Richard never shies away from sharing those difficult questions that plague us all, at one time or another, but he also doesn’t fall into the trap of assuming he has all the answers. In fact, one of the elements of his story that rang most true for me is the series of rules he comes up with to try and apply a logical, intellectual structure to what is entirely an irrational, emotional need for expression.
  
  If you’ve ever flirted with questions of gender or sexuality, you can’t help but reflect back on your own life while reading Alice in Genderland, and if you don’t always like what you remember . . . well, that’s part of the process of self-discovery. This is a book that’s equal parts fascination and fear; delight and despair; humour and horror; and rationalization and revelation. There are clearly times where Richard didn’t like what he found, and instances where his revelations created significant problems in his life and his relationships, but that doesn’t make them any less valid . . . or important.
  
  At the same time, for those of us who identity, this is a very empowering read, in that it illustrates that we really can find peace, we really can find acceptance, and we really can have the best of both worlds, if only we’re willing to commit to the effort. Nothing in life – except, possibly its challenges – is simply handed to us.
  
  For me, reading about his early explorations was as uncomfortable as it was eye-opening. Time and time again I saw myself in his words, remembering the delight of slipping into that stolen pair of panties, or that borrowed ill-fitting bra. I vividly remembered the same sickening sensation of dropping from the heights of comfort to the depths of guilty remorse, carried along by the same desperate questions. The difference is, whereas I ultimately chose not to understand, not to care about the why or the how, Richard made that understanding a part of his (and Alice’s) identity. It didn’t always work for him – his initial explorations into psychiatric help clearly did more harm than good – but he always found a way to learn from even the worst experiences.
  
  At no point, however, does Richard ever offer any direct advice, or ever suggest that anybody live as he has done. There’s a lot in his story that I wish I’d had the courage to accept earlier in my own life, but we all develop in our own way. The single biggest difference I see between the two of us that of the extrovert (Richard) and the introvert (myself), which accounts for our diverging paths. Ultimately, Richard sets himself up as a just one example of a crossdressing life, inviting us to take from his experiences what we will. Even if all we take from his story is the reassurance that we’re okay, and the hope that we might even be happy, then it’s totally worth the read.
  
  In the end, what sets this memoir apart, and what makes it worth reading (and even rereading), is the humour that he brings to his story. Richard is not above making light of his mistakes, and is entirely comfortable in pointing out his own absurdities. Through him, we’re able to laugh – or, at least, smile – at our own mistakes, taking solace in the fact that we’re not alone. It’s not so much that humour is a coping mechanism for Richard, but that he can look back and find humour in the darkest places.
  
  As an open and honest tale, it does include some very frank discussions of sexuality that some readers may be uncomfortable with. Graphic, yet never gratuitous, the recollection of Richard’s tentative experimentation and Alice’s more fulfilling experiences plays a significant role in how Richard has come to define himself both sexually, and in terms of gender. For those who have never been in the situation, it’s probably a hard concept to grasp, but I loved the honest exploration of an issue that is all too often ignored. Richard and Alice are both straight, according to the gender they’re expressing at the time, and that strange duality certainly strikes home. Some readers may wonder how it’s possible to be interested in both men and women, without being gay (or at least bisexual), but I think Richard does a wonderful job of explaining how sexuality and gender are not distinct issues.
  
  In the end, Richard not only gets what it means to be a crossdresser who craves the full feminine experience, he doesn't apologize for the fact, or make excuses for how he expresses such cravings. That, alone, is empowering enough to demand a read, even if it’s just to find comforting in the confirmation that we’re not alone in even those most taboo feelings.
• 
  quail

  I think that Dr. Novic wrote this memoir because he wanted to honestly share his experience with crossdressing. But this book still sucks. Probably 50% of the book made me want to hurl chunks. Here's just one for you:
  
  "For a moment, as I lay next to him on my right side, I didn't know what to do with my right arm. It was pinned under my side. I tried pushing it forward, but then it lay awkwardly like an obstacle between me and him. When I lifted my body up and moved my arm back behind me, I felt oddly contorted but thought I'd seen Melissa [his GW girlfriend] wriggle into a position like that before, and it allowed me to settle in smoothly along the length of his body."
  
  The entire book is like this.
• 
  karenina karen

  HIGHLY RECOMMENDED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
• 
  Catherine

  I thought Dr. Novic’s book would be interesting because he’s a psychiatrist and I assumed he could intelligently document his life as a crossdresser. His book takes the reader from his own realization that he is a crossdresser and beyond, revealing in minute detail his sexual encounters and evolution into who s/he is today.
  
  As a mature adult, Novic’s wife Melissa is entitled to make her own choices. I try to be non-judgmental of others’ views and lifestyles. But I’ll just say I could never deal with the heartbreak, embarrassment and confusion that he has put her through. She seems to have found a way to love and commit to him despite his confusion in finding himself and his sexual relations with numerous men before settling into an ongoing relationship with his current male lover. She has chosen to accept his secretive life, with him taking time away from her and their children.
  
  I was surprised that a psychiatrist would make such across the board stereotypical determinations based on one’s sexuality. Perhaps because he is a psychiatrist explains why he feels comfortable expressing his views in such a sexist manner. Novic is self-involved and apparently has no qualms about—I say that because he never wrote about it, and he thoroughly shared so much about his life—how his relationships in secret, outside of his marriage with Melissa, would affect her and their children. His lack of compassion and awareness of Melissa’s feelings was completely intolerable for me. One can be honest and self-actualize without being a selfish, cheating, narcissist. I’d be interested in reading a book by one of his children once they’re grown and have had an opportunity to read this book and reflect on the damage his or her father inflicted on the family, not because of his crossdressing, but because of his absences and selfish, manipulative behavior.
• 
  Carole Laughlin

  Honest information from a person experiencing the struggle
  
  I liked hearing the personal journey from totally straight to cross dresser and possibly transsexual. A very complicated array of feelings and actions. Seeing him go from happy in a heterosexual relationship but cross dressing and going out to drag bars a few times a week. Later married and a father to an infant, behavior continued. I never got the feeling that he continued on transsexual path and reintroducing Norman treatments.
  
  Very sensitive portrayal of the struggle he endured. Beautifully written.
• 
  Mr Alister Cryan

  Courageous
  
  A brave and honest account of Richard's or Alice's life as a crossdresser and the prejudices that transgendered people face.
• 
  Andrew

  Cited in
  Transgender 101: A Simple Guide to a Complex Issue.
• 
  Rhonda

  This is a book written by not only a medical doctor but one who is a psychiatrist. In truth, I was expecting a revelatory book and this, unfortunately, is not one in the sense of a new explanation. It is the personal story of a transvestite trying to make sense out of his life, significantly feeling somewhat at odds with a world which is opposed generally to a proclivity which he possesses...or perhaps possesses him. He goes through therapy to find the early causes of this behavior but ultimately discards this as unfruitful. He is then on a path whereby he can learn to live with what he feels is real.
  
  No doubt we can all look at such as agree that finding the beginning of something isn’t always a means by which we can even say anything meaningful about such things. Is this a generational disposition like someone in his lineage who was a great athlete? Is this because his mother dressed him in girls’ clothes? I would be happy if there were an easy answer but if there is one thing in this book, it is that the answers aren’t very easy to grasp. Ultimately we are left with no sense of cause although with some remarkable effects. It makes for fascinating reading in this regard.
  
  I don't understand what drives transvestites except from what I have read and what I have been told when speaking with them. I would be lying if I said I was completely comfortable with the explanations either, but I regard them as truthful, often difficult and frequently painful. They are difficult and painful in that it is so very difficult for people like this to put their lives together cohesively in any great sense, seldom being able to bring their feelings to the surface without public censure. More often than not, it is this failure to take ownership of many things in their lives which triggers aberrational behavior. Of course some may argue that their behavior is aberrational to begin with
  
  I suppose that this activity of transvestism is divided on clear issues: on one side, one might ask whether there is some genetic or otherwise compelling disposition to dressing and acting as a female even though one is and wishes to remain otherwise male. The other side insists that this is nothing but human willfulness and that, as in the case of a few of my religious friends, an offense to God. I asked myself whether in fact I did think this was an offense to God and I had to answer that I thought it was. However, I think this is an offense to God in the myriad of ways in which human beings are not perfect. If any have faults in any way, then you have fallen short of the mark.
  
  The greater message in this is how this doctor finds his way through life, not only in his issues with crossdressing, but also in finding someone with whom he may achieve a lasting bond in life. He doesn’t do this in one motion, but tries various paths before he settles on one with which he becomes comfortable. More than anything else, this is the great message of the book and why it is worth reading. This is not just about feelings and crossdressing but the story of how one human being, coming face to face with a problematic disposition in his life, learns to deal with it. In this way the results are quite admirable.
  
  My criticism of the book is that it is a modern book in which the writer denies all attachments to spirituality and devotion. Thus in a sense this book may be all about selfishness in a way. It is a manner in which, although fully confessing to his wife-to-be, this man comes to terms with himself and far from shutting himself away from life, learns how to embrace the seeming contradiction that is his life into one cohesive whole. Though it does this by sidestepping the very concept of guilt, I applaud the writer for having progressed beyond wallowing in pity and ceasing to move forward. Whether or not one agrees with the direction the writer takes ultimately, one has to admire his diligence and his thoroughness in making a path with which he becomes comfortable.