| Title | : | Youll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey: Crazy Stories about Racism |
| Author | : | |
| Rating | : | |
| ISBN | : | 1538719363 |
| ISBN-10 | : | 9781538719367 |
| Language | : | English |
| Format Type | : | Hardcover |
| Number of Pages | : | 215 |
| Publication | : | First published January 12, 2021 |
| Awards | : | Goodreads Choice Award Humor (2021) |
Now a writer and performer on Late Night with Seth Meyers and host of The Amber Ruffin Show, Amber Ruffin lives in New York, where she is no one's First Black Friend and everyone is, as she puts it, "stark raving normal." But Amber's sister Lacey? She's still living in their home state of Nebraska, and trust us, you'll never believe what happened to Lacey.
From racist donut shops to strangers putting their whole hand in her hair, from being mistaken for a prostitute to being mistaken for Harriet Tubman, Lacey is a lightning rod for hilariously ridiculous yet all-too-real anecdotes. She's the perfect mix of polite, beautiful, petite, and Black that apparently makes people think "I can say whatever I want to this woman." And now, Amber and Lacey share these entertainingly horrifying stories through their laugh-out-loud sisterly banter. Painfully relatable or shockingly eye-opening (depending on how often you have personally been followed by security at department stores), this book tackles modern-day racism with the perfect balance of levity and gravity.
Youll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey: Crazy Stories about Racism Reviews
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Can a book be hilarious and horrifying at the same time? This one is. It's my optional bonus book club pick for January. You should read it.
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amber is my friend and she is the best!!!! If you don’t like this book I will show up immediately and punch your butt!! Jk jk there’s a pandemic so I’ll prob punch butts in 2022 . hope you like this book
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Sadly, I think anyone who has a Twitter account will believe what happened to Lacey. If you aren't familiar with Amber Ruffin, she's a comedian who is regularly featured on Seth Myers's comedy show, and when I found out she was co-writing a book with her older sister about racism, I had to get my hands on it, because I knew it would be great.
The two sisters have different fonts for each of their POVs so you can tell who is talking and most of the book is about Lacey talking about working in public service in Omaha, Nebraska, frequently in places where she is the only person of color on staff. In these essays, she writes about the various not-okay things people have said and done to her, which range from touching her hair to full-on police harassment. I laughed my way through huge swaths of this book but other parts of it left me feeling demoralized and kind of sad for humanity.
I think this is a REALLY important book because of how it adds to the ongoing dialogues about racial injustice and the importance of respecting others and checking your own privilege, and it does so in a funny and accessible way. I don't really think that this is the kind of book you can really "enjoy" reading but I did really appreciate what it set out to do and how it accomplished it. Definitely a must-read and I wouldn't be surprised to see it topping a lot of "best of" lists for 2021 nonfiction. I'm not sure I would read it again, but I'm glad I read it.
Thanks to the publisher for sending me a copy in exchange for an honest review!
3.5 to 4 stars -
I absolutely adore this book!!!!! I’m so glad my local library had it as one of their Peak Picks selections.
I’m familiar with Amber Ruffin’s comedy and I think she’s hilarious. But I was wary of the concept of this book, because often when Black people write about anti-Black racism, they’re doing it for the benefit and education of white readers and it’s obvious to me.
Amber and her sister Lacey explicitly state that this book exists because we need to tell these stories to realize them (often Black women internalize our racialized interactions instead of processing them because there just are SO MANY), and because we need to laugh to cope. I love that while Lacey almost always has spoken up during these racist interactions (mostly because at work she’s in a directorial position), Amber is decidedly done explaining racism to people. Both reactions are completely okay because Black people can do whatever they feel is necessary.
I felt so much like I was talking with my friends while reading this book, which was so comforting to me. I also enjoyed Amber and Lacey’s sisterhood dynamic and learning about their upbringing in Omaha.
As much as I felt a sense of kinship and comfort within this book, these stories are BRUTAL. I stopped several times to sit with how many of these extremely violent racist encounters have happened to me, on both the “progressive” East and West Coasts.
The content of these stories is heavy, and it’s depressing as fuck that white people can be (and often are) so shamelessly vile, but Amber and Lacey handle it with humor that’s wry and just right.
Read this book!!!!!! -
Whew! Thank goodness we got a new President yesterday and America isn’t racist anymore! That was a close one there for a minute. (If you don’t understand that was a joke then this probably isn’t the book for you.) But if you are still attempting to become more “woke” and all of the other books that people have been sharing/shaming you to read here or on the ‘Gram are just making you want to stick your head in the oven, this might be the selection for you.
In case you aren’t aware from my oh-so-very-youthful-looking profile picture (I’m the one on the left), I am an old lady – and I work with even older old men who most definitely could have been used as like eleventy examples of things people say without even giving a fuck that they are just blatantly not okay. My company like most others also tries to tout its inclusivity and diversity while having one black person in a not bottom-of-the-barrel staff type of position and also one Pacific Islander because yay that’s super diverse */sarcasm*. This book is full of stories like you can hear in any corporate environment across flyover country, but actually told by a black person who they were said directly to. They are cringey and awful, but they are delivered with humor so you don’t feel like you just took a frying pan to your face over and over again while reading them.
As I said right above this, I am old (or at least old adjacent). I cannot stay up late enough to watch Seth Meyers, but I did fall a little bit in love with Amber Ruffin during her many appearances on Drunk History . . . .
I mean, my girl gets L.I.T.
And then Peacock became a thing so I could demand this whenever I felt like it . . . .
Now I love her even more. She just spits truth . . . .
And she fucking punked her sister for their press tour for this release . . . .
She's my hero.
As said at the end of the book . . .
We are not into trying to educate white America, but maybe we accidentally did. Maybe white readers learned that just because your Black friends aren’t sitting you down, going over all their trauma with you, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist! Maybe your learned that racist stuff happens all the time. Maybe you’ve become emboldened to speak up when you see someone being a racist piece of shit. Maybe you’ve realized the racist piece of shit was you!
Or maybe you’re still waiting to “Make America Great Again” . . . .
If so, please kindly block me so I never see you again. Thanks in advance!
ARC provided by NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Thank you, NetGalley! -
Now a Goodreads Choice finalist in Humor!
No surprise here—Amber Ruffin is hilarious and endearing and so is her first book! Co-written with her older sister Lacey Lamar, You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey is a trip through the incredible world of racism while being Black in the workplace, Black on dating apps, Black while shopping at JCPenny....you get the idea.
Most of these stories are fairly short. They’re the kind of thing you’d tell at a cocktail party that’s the perfect combination of ridiculous and insane so everyone’s attention will be entirely held throughout. Individually they’re a crazy anecdote, but taken together they start to paint a picture of some of the absurd micro-aggressions (or just full aggression-aggressions) that Black people living in America have to put up with while simply living their lives. It’s funny, but it’s also stark in the way it reminds white readers that, hey—we’re all contributing to this too.
But I don’t want the serious systemic and social issues being referenced dissuade anyone from picking up this book. It’s really, really funny! Lacey and Amber have a brilliant rapport not just as sisters but as two naturally funny women. This isn’t the book that’s meant to teach about the history and arguments of anti-racism, but it still has the ability to put some of those ideas into context. Blending laugh-out-loud comedy and serious topics is a skill Amber has flexed over the years while working in television, and it’s great to see how that’s translated into print here.
Speaking of print, I actually didn’t read a physical copy of this book, instead I listened to the audio version. It’s narrated by Ruffin and Lamar, and it is wonderful. I had a couple of friends who said they read it but wish they had listened to it, so I feel like their narration is definitely worth the listen. The only thing I feel like I missed out on was the pictures and images that were sometimes referenced, although Amber gave a valiant effort in describing them to us. If you can, I would either have a physical copy of the book along with the audiobook or make sure that your audio version comes with supplemental materials. Although really, you can’t go wrong either way!
**For more book talk & reviews,
follow me on Instagram at @elle_mentbooks! -
Audiobook...read by the authors, Amber Ruffin, and Lacey Lamar
.....5 hours and 21 minutes
I took me about a week to finish the audiobook....( 241 pages) ....
I could have easily listened to this entire audio in a day....but Amber and Lacey’s voices were types I needed a break from. (I alternated with ‘reading’ a book about gardening - and ‘listening’ to William Hurt read a Hemingway novel)....
The sisters voices never fell below the line of perky, enthusiastic, and upbeat in tone, (sarcastic at times too), but with their chipper, jubilant gleeful speaking voices ......I needed to pause, and take some breathing breaks. My pausing didn’t mean I didn’t find the content valuable and engaging.....I did!
Amber did the majority of the storytelling. She has an A+ bubbly personality. I adored it in small doses.
Listening to only a couple of chapters at a time, I spent my ‘off-time’ thinking about the seriousness of this book - it’s purpose - it’s need...[WE ARE NOT DONE HAVING THE HARD CONVERSATIONS ABOUT RACISM—especially WHITE PEOPLE], ......
I thought about micro aggression associated with racism. I had one lengthy conversation with my husband.
I thought about what should we do with comics depicting racism?....and what makes comic valuable? .....How and when does it work?
When......
It’s time to GET REAL about Racial Diversity ......
That said....
Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar gave us some equally hilarious and horrifying stories about racism. They know a little how comic-racist-conversation, stories, sharing, and speaking for justice work.
As black women — they know a thing or two - or three - or hundreds of things to say on the subject.
Lacey, herself, is a tiny woman...a strong as bull-kick-ass Black Bodybuilder!
Her small size doesn’t stop her from fighting for truth, justice, gracious equality.
Highly recommend....
The donut story towards the end knocked every donut story out of the park.....
ALL DONUT STORE OWNERS, DONUT EATERS, DONUT NON-EATERS....might never think of an ‘innocent’ donut again.
And checkbooks? Really? Do people still write checks? I’ve forgotten how. Lol
There were many times, I was laughing my tush off....
But I also deeply and passionately care about the importance of justice, respect, equality, brotherly and sisterly human connectedness love.....
The girls gave us a gift.... and to think ....
Omaha Nebraska, has a history and life of its own.
Bless every African-American... I’m so sorry- angry with Blacks - for the crap they live with in this country. I’m sorry for any of my part — I pledge to do what I can- be a stand for Black Lives Matter .....and keep the ‘momentum-reminder-power’ flowing.
We ‘white folks’ need to read this: ITS NOT A CHORE, OR PUNISHMENT!!!!
Try it...you’ll like it! -
I know I’m supposed to laugh at this book because it’s funny. And I did laugh, a lot, because it IS funny.
But honestly I also felt incredibly guilty for laughing. And that’s because this book is unbelievable. And that’s not to say I don’t believe the stories, because I do. I believe every freaking word. But it is unbelievable that things like this are still legitimately happening to Black people. I mean there are moments that made my mouth drop open in shock. I found myself frequently paraphrasing and retelling the stories to my husband who was equally shocked (and who also laughed, because truly, this book is so funny).
I can’t. The number of stories that revolve around the fact that people can’t tell Black people apart is mind blowing. Really? I mean, I know it’s a thing. I know it happens. I just don’t understand it. There is one example, right at the beginning of the book. And I won’t give it away because it is just a perfect (*chef’s kiss*) example of this insanity, but man. Really?
And listen, for what it’s worth, I know Amber is the professional comedian, and don’t get me wrong, she’s funny. Laugh out loud funny. I may have mentioned that a few times. But Lacey's “interjections” throughout are, frankly, a highlight for me. Especially as an older sister myself I really identify with that type of sisterly interaction.
This really is a must read for any white person, but unfortunately the people who need to read it won't. But for people who are interested in gaining a better understanding of the Black experience, this book is an entertaining and eye-opening read to add to your list.
Thank you to Netgalley, the authors, and Grand Central Publishing for providing me with an ARC of this book in exchange for an honest review.
Check out more of my reviews on my blog: mymomsbookshelf.com. -
So appreciated this book in which sisters Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar write about Lacey’s many experiences of racism living in Omaha, Nebraska. Amber and Lacey are both funny and real; I laughed aloud a few times reading this book and felt anger and sadness on Lacey’s behalf at the depth of anti-Black racism she experienced, from teachers, coworkers, neighbors, and more. I enjoyed reading about the sisters’ bond with one another as well as how their mother took an active role in combatting some of the racism they experienced growing up, though of course the racism should just not have happened at all. I also felt grateful for some of the instances Lacey shared in which she interrupted or took an active role in speaking out against interpersonal anti-Asian racism. The stories in this book may not feel surprising to folks, however I think they’re important to read so we can honor Lacey’s experiences while continuing to ask ourselves what we can do to prevent racism from occurring at all. For a more detailed review check out of my bff
Bri’s review! -
With a lighthearted tone, this book exposes the daily and debilitating toll racism takes. Most of the stories are about Amber Ruffin's sister Lacey and her experiences in Omaha, although she includes a few of her own racist encounters in Chicago and New York. As Ruffin says, there are many, many more that didn't make it into the book. And by the end, the impact is profound and disturbing.
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Ask any Black woman how many microaggressions she deals with daily and she’ll likely laugh at you and tell you there’s no way she could keep count because they happen so often. Is it tiring, yes. Does it make you want to pluck your eyelashes out one by one at times, yes. But occasionally you stop and think about the ridiculousness of it all and you have no other choice than to laugh.
Amber Ruffin and her sister Lacey Lamar have written a book that perfectly encapsulates the world that so many of us live in. However, Lacey seems to have a microaggression magnet on her forehead. You know how some people attract crazy? Lacey attracts polite, and sometimes not so polite, racists. Living in Omaha (or anywhere in the U.S.) can’t help, but I promise the stories she tells are relatable whether you’re in the midwest or the mid-atlantic region. Whether it’s a cashier asking if the Harriet Tubman image on your checks is actually you, being the only Black person at work, being told you’re safe as a Black woman because no one kidnaps Black women or the assumption that you’re from a single parent household even though you grew up with both parents in the house - being Black in perceived white spaces can be a lot. And yet, Lacey seems to find the humor in it all.
The stories are told with enough lightheartedness that I found myself cackling, and I can appreciate this somewhat strategic move to put white readers at ease as they slowly, but surely, start to think about which of the cringeworthy and downright offensive acts they’ve committed themselves. But this book isn’t meant just for white readers who are looking to learn how to be and do better, it’s also an affirmation for Black women who’ve questioned their sanity after a day in the life where their humanity is questioned simply for existing in a world that dares them to be in its space. -
What a clever idea for a book about the experience of racism! Amber Ruffin recounts her sister Lacey's experiences of racism in Omaha in everyday life since she was a child. There is a lighthearted tone to how Ruffin recounts her sister's experiences, but the relentless and shear number of incidents is dispiriting. Funny and horrifying at the same time. This worked well as an audiobook because both sisters speak and they have a good banter going. But Ruffin keeps reminding listeners about the photos listeners are missing out on. Since I don't know what I missed, I still vote for audio.
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You’ll Never Believe What Happened Lacey: Crazy Stories about Racism by Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar is a great book telling stories about racism in a humorous way.
I loved You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey. Ruffin and Lamar do an excellent job demonstrating racism through real life examples. There were many times I laughed while reading this book. The way Ruffin and Lamar presented these stories was funny but at the same time it is sad that they are all true stories. Many topics are discussed including work, medical, and reactions when Lacey was married to a white man. There are some pictures in the book like people Lacey has been told she looks like next to pictures of her. A crazy story I never would’ve imagined happening was when Lacey wasn’t told she had a kidney stone. I recommend You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey to anyone that is interested in hearing real life stories about racism told in a humorous way.
Thank you Grand Central Publishing for You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey.
Full Review:
https://justreadingjess.wordpress.com... -
There are everyday stories of racism that happen to Black people with the consistency of breathing, and according to author Amber Ruffin, they fit into three categories: "okay to talk about at work," "okay to talk about with your white friend," and "okay to talk about at home." (71)
Since I want to hear all the stories, this was the perfect book for me. If I were Black, I'd probably have laughed a lot more than I did in recognition. But I'm white, so although there were an alarming amount of outrages that I did relate to as an "ethnic" (show biz's diagnosis of my "type" when I was an actor) traveling Europe and the Midwest in the 1970s and '80s, mostly I just gasped and incorporated this into my education. Even if you've had people change seats to avoid your ethnic self, even if you've shared a bunkhouse with a bunch of college girls who loved to talk about "the dirty Jews" and then when you revealed that this was your family, even if the mother of one of these dirty-Jew-hating girls visited to examine you for horns, you will not come close to the everyday experiences of Lacey and Amber. Even if you've heard racist things incomprehensibly come out of white mouths of people who worked in spiritual places where diversity is the norm, you will be shocked by the sheer magnitude of these stories. This is not to say this book is depressing. Not at all. And I did laugh—sometimes hard. But I was humbled by most of the stories in this book and that's why I read it.
Amber Ruffin is a comedy writer and improviser, and her sister Lacey Lamar is an apparent magnet for outrageous behavior by white people. The experiences are mostly Lacey's, but Amber has a comedian's timing and they are perfectly paced with plain funny stuff and photos—one of a palate-cleansing duckling to give the reader a rest with a cute pause. Relief.
This is a valuable addition to book lists for white readers who want to do catch-up truth-learning after a white-school education and growing up in a mostly segregated community.*
_____________
*Until 5/19/21, we are invited to contribute public comments to proposed legislative revisions of our education system. Learning about this evoked this blog:
"Why I Support Changes in American History Education". (I've added the Ruffin/Lamar book to the blog's footnote list of helpful books that I've read in the past few years. The link to post comments about the proposed revisions to the American education system is at the end of the blog body text.) -
Cringing because I know the stories shared in You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey: Crazy Stories about Racism are true and this sadly, doesn’t surprise me, but the prevalence of racism, the audacity of white people, and the lack of thought before speaking/ acting continue to deeply disappoint me.
Sisters Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar share stories about Lacey’s life experiences as a Black woman, socially and professionally. The Ruffins grew up in Omaha, Nebraska and while Amber moved to NY for a career in comedy and entertainment, Lacey stayed in the area. Lacey is described as having an appeal that makes people think they can do/ say whatever they want to her.
Despite cringing frequently, I did manage some laughs because Amber and Lacey bring humor to these horrifying stories through their conversations together. I listened to the audiobook, narrated by both sisters, which I recommend. It’s rare for me to read the same book in multiple formats, I’m usually a print/ ebook reader OR an audiobook listener, but this is one exception where I recommend having both formats together. The storytelling directly from Amber and Lacey is great, however, there are photos in the book and references to the images are made often, even in the audiobook.
Listen, gasp, smile at Amber and Lacey’s conversation, shake your head at the next story, and do your part to keep checking racism when you see/ hear it — There is NO excuse. -
Recently I pretty much abandoned podcasts in favor of audiobooks from the library, but I wanted my audiobooks to be reminiscient of a good podcast, which for me means either (1) interesting people saying interesting, funny things or (2) investigative journalism. You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey definitely fell into the first category. Amber and Lacey are sisters; Amber is a comedian in NYC while Lacey still lives in their hometown of Omaha, and this book is essentially a cataloging of the racist aggressions, both micro and astoundingly macro, that Lacey has put up with for years. Which doesn't sound very funny, but because Amber is a comedian these tales are definitely told in a humorous way, and since Amber narrates the audiobook (with cameos by Lacey), that just makes it funnier. I particularly enjoyed the way she described every photo that appears in the book, which may have been even more entertaining than seeing the photos themselves.
Even with all the laughing, though, this book is also a sobering look at how insanely freaking racist the USA still is all the time. The authors mention at the end that they intend for the book to help other BIPOC folks feel less alone, which hopefully it does. But as a white person, I would recommend it for all white people so you can understand more of what others go through and how you can avoid being a person who causes them to go through it. Recommended! -
This isn't the easiest book to pitch, at first glance it sounds weird, is it humor or is it serious? Can you have a funny book about racism? What is the point of sharing a whole bunch of stories about racism? But Amber and Lacey pull off something really impressive here, and part of what's so good about it is that it isn't easy to just put in a nice little box. Racism is complicated! White nonsense is ridiculous! Sometimes you want to laugh and cry at the same time and that is the world we live in.
What this book is to you will depend on your own race, but this is not a "here white people, come learn why racism is bad" book. Occasionally the book will reference the history of a particular stereotype, but usually this book just expects you to know what microaggressions are, why behaviors big and small can be problematic, etc. There are a few stories in here where after she has gotten the lay of the land Lacey realizes she will be fired and she is always right, and if you try to fight against this book with white defensiveness, it is just not going to work at all. Because Lacey is always right. And if you want to try to find a reason why Lacey has somehow brought this upon herself, well, this book is going to be a very tough experience for you because (spoiler) she never does. For this book to work you have to accept that people are racist.
Now, once we've gotten past that hurdle, there is such a variety of racism to behold! The whole idea behind the book is that somehow Lacey has an abundance of stories about racist behavior that fortunately do not end with anyone getting shot or put in jail (a relief) but where the consequences vary from minor awkwardness to serious impacts on people's lives. So how is that funny? Well, sometimes it's just funny, because racism is so weird and irrational that a lot of it is ridiculous and all you can do is laugh.
Also, happily, Amber and Lacey are funny. If you're familiar with Amber Ruffin's comedy, then you probably won't need me to explain why this book is funny, because she's able to make jokes about serious stuff (often including racism) really well, and it's part of why she's so good at her job. The banter back and forth between the sisters is great, as they tell us Lacey always calls Amber when she has a new racism story and it is like we are getting included in these conversations. They want Black readers to feel validated, to know they aren't alone. And for other readers, I can almost guarantee you will run into types of racism you haven't run into before. (Lacey and Amber are often surprised, and they've seen a lot.) I also think this is a really really useful read for people to better understand racism in the workplace specifically, a lot of Lacey's stories are from work where she is often the only Black person on staff, and wow there are a lot of examples of what not to do here.
The Ruffin family are a delight, and the Omaha setting is particularly great. (We rarely talk about racism in the midwest! Or feature Black people from the midwest even though many of them live there!)
I did this book on audio because I'm used to seeing Amber's comedy on video and this was pretty close. Both sisters read, and Amber enjoys giving a few "audiobook bonuses" to describe pictures in the book that you don't get to see on audio. Highly recommend the audio, it helps to get tone in a lot of these stories (since so much of the details of microaggressions can be all about tone) and they're smart about dividing stories by theme, letting you know when stories will be particularly hard, and giving little palate cleansers inbetween (like why Lacey hates butterflies).
This isn't a book about how to combat racism or how to be a good ally. But as you go through all of these stories (so many!) it's clear how many of these stories you haven't heard before and how many of them just don't get told in this kind of platform to this kind of audience. No, it doesn't fit in any little easily categorized box, but it was both joyful and sobering to read and I highly recommend it. -
”I wouldn’t believe these stories either, but hey, they happened.” — Amber Ruffin
I definitely believed what happened to Lacy. And that’s the harsh reality. There were many laugh out loud moments as I began to read You’ll Never Believe What Happened to Lacy and I believe that they accomplished in the book what they set out to do: explore and expose the insanity that is racism as it has applied overwhelmingly in Lacy’s life. And, after so many incidents, they were able to do it with humor and keep the tone light and I give the kudos for that.
However, by mid book I found a lot of the stories and anecdotes to be a bit repetitive. I did enjoy the back and forth discourse that would at times occur between the two sisters. I wish there were more of that. I’m so many ways, I wish there were more from Lacy overall. While I enjoyed Amber’s retelling, for me it became redundant.
All this to say, it is a book worth reading. It will serve as a reminder to many and an eye-opener for others of the ridiculousness that is racism and how it can translate in the real world. Reiterating that racism is not always one size fits all and can maneuver its way in the most interesting of spaces and have lasting effects. -
Every white person needs to read this
So many stories, so hard and good to read. Honestly everyone should read it to have a better understanding of racism in our society. -
This book made me deeply ashamed and angry and just generally gobsmacked and I spent a great deal of time while reading it doing the same thing over and over. I'd read a passage, do a kind of gaspy, horrified laugh thing, put the book down on my lap and breathe out "oh my gooooooddddddd."
Authors Amber Ruffin and Lacey Lamar assure readers from the beginning that these stories of the various racist encounters they've had in their lifetimes are supposed to be hilarious. They've been laughing about them for years. Lacey's magnetic ability to attract the creme de la creme of racist morons is the stuff of Ruffin family legend. They have to laugh because so many of these stories are just so absurd they're hilarious.
The biggest issue white readers of this book (the at least moderately aware of the world we live in ones) are going to have is the sheer unbelievability of half the shit Lacey deals with on a daily basis. The dimwitted racist douchebags that populate her world and the staggering volume of racist bullshit they throw at her on a daily basis is so insane it just defies any kind of reason. It seriously takes a minute to get your head around the fact that these are true stories, they are that horrifyingly absurd. You, a reasonable white person who knows that racism is a thing will definitely think at least once while reading this any or all of the following;
"this can't be real."
"no one is this stupid."
"no one would ever actually say that!"
"she put her hand IN her hair? Like her whole hand? Into a total stranger's head of hair?!"
"I have no idea at all how to even begin to fix this."
And you will laugh. I defy you not to laugh. Amber, a brilliant comedian and writer (and as of this very minute new NBC late night host!) and Lacey are crazy funny ladies. But it'll be that weird laughter I mentioned before. The breathy, awkward, I almost want to throw this book across the room so I can distance myself from the people doing the thing that's making me laugh, kind of laughter.
The harder part comes when you realize that its not just that these stories are true its that Lacey is just one woman.
If Lacey has to spend her days trying to decide if its worth her job to report the head of food service at the senior living facility she works in for calling all the black employees "hood rats" to their faces or dealing with coworkers who weren't sure if they should have salad at a potluck for her birthday because "we didn't know if you people ate salad" can you imagine what every single other Black person in this country puts up with?
Why have I never spent any time thinking about that before?
I mean my god.
We just get to see the big stuff. We get to get angry about George Floyd and Brianna Taylor and don't get me wrong we should get really angry about them but sweet jesus we've got to start getting angry and vocal about this shit too.
If we have any hope of correcting the horror that is systemic racism in this country we have to start holding ourselves and the people around us accountable for this kind of bullshit. We can't keep acting like its a Black person's job to educate us about why something is racist or just generally inappropriate and we can't stand there silently when we see or hear people doing or saying stupid, racist shit. We know, we always know when its happening. We like to pretend that its not our problem to fix or that we're doing what we can but we can always be doing more.
We have to get comfortable with the idea of shutting this shit down or at the very least pointing it out when its happening. You're not doing something wrong when you point out that someone's language or comment or costume is racist or ignorant. Even if they act all upset or confused or start whining that you don't get the joke or you're the one who's racist.
The worst, absolute worst thing we can do is stay quiet. That's WHY its still happening. Because we, the one's who are supposed to know better, can't manage to open our mouths and say something.
We have to take responsibility for all of it. All the "well grandpa's from another time" or "well its middle America what do you expect!?" kind of nonsense that we let slide. I had to stop myself from doing that while I was reading this! Most of the action here is in North Dakota and I am 100% guilty of lulling myself into a nice little blissful "no one acts like that where I live" fantasy that I had to shake myself out of.
This book is hilarious and eye opening and disturbing on a very deep level. It should be disturbing to any white reader. I imagine, and the Ruffin sisters point it out, that it will be very, very familiar to every Black reader.
I know it doesn't mean anything, like at all, to these two women who are beautiful and funny and smart but I'm very fucking sorry. I will be better. I will not try to be better. I will be better. -
These essays highlight very serious issues of racism by using humor and sisterly banter.
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A good time, despite the subject matter. Amber and Lacey make hearing stories about racism simultaneously entertaining and infuriating. Laughing while angry!
The best example of what this book does is probably the story that they open it with, for good reason. It involves Lacey being at a store and paying with a check (back when people did that). The cashier was a white teenager. Lacey had checks with famous and historically notable Black people on them. When she pulled out her checkbook the check on top was of Harriet Tubman. The white teenager then proceeded to gush something along the lines of, 'Oh, that's so neat that you have checks with your picture on them!" That's the kind of story you can mostly expect in this book. Funny, a little unbelievable, yet sadly very believable.
(Sorry for the spoilers. They tell it better than I do, anyway, so you're not really missing anything.)
It's really sort of a masterpiece of tone. They start you off easy with little gems like the one above and gradually work you up to some genuinely infuriating content. But the laughs are always genuine, and it was just a pleasure to hear the sisters interacting with each other and telling each others' stories (mostly it's Amber telling stories about Lacey, because that's the dynamic here: crazy racist things happen to Lacey, Amber mines comedy from them).
If you at all like audiobooks, get the audio. They are so funny together. I did miss out on seeing the few pictures, but they do a good job describing the pictures in a way that might be even funnier than actually seeing them. -
This book made me laugh but only so I could keep from crying. It hurt my heart, head and my stomach. Racists are entirely fucking nuts.
These sisters also shared something so real about the role of some of the loving, supportive, Black-enablers of white racism. Yes, it’s a thing, and though Amber Ruffin & Lacey Lamar don’t explicitly pick apart and jump into what it is and what it looks like, we know what it is and how to spot it, because it’s obvious.
Anyway, an on the money quote:“I’m not saying a person can “look” racist, but Lacey is. She said that. Can you believe her?
I said that. It’s like, you know how women know when a man is scary? It’s like a lifetime of survival skills kick in and you get a bit of a spidey sense about some situations? Well, I’ve been in approximately a billion racist situations. So I know. From the “Black people have dumb names” kind of racists to the “only ever talk to you about music” type of racists. My spidey sense is strong. Now, I can’t tell when everyone’s racist, but when I think someone’s a racist, they are. And I’m saying these people were racist.”
— 85% in You'll Never Believe What Happened to Lacey by Amber Ruffin & Lacey Lamar
Fantastically written, crazy, enraging and wayyyyy too relatable. -
To be clear, I'm white... and this is a book by and about two Black sisters (literal sisters) and the racism they (especially Lacey!) encounter on a regular basis. The book is funny, yes, (primary author Amber Ruffin is a writer for Seth Meyers), but the situations are not. Ugh.
The titular Lacey still lives in the sisters' hometown of Omaha, Nebraska where she is often the only black person in the room. Amber is now living the dream in diverse NYC, but Lacey texts Amber all the time with unbelievable (though frustratingly believable) stories of the racism she encounters- on the job, in church, from teachers, at the hands of police/security officers, and yes- even from friends.
This book is exactly what it purports to be... A bunch of stories about Lacey's crazy experiences, along with a few of Amber's. Amber presents the stories and Lacey frequently chimes in as only a sister can. The book does not offer much in the way of advice or answers. Instead it is presented as solidarity for Black folks, and as a generous invitation for white folks to see how their words and behaviors affect the Black people in their lives. I experienced a few moments of embarrassment for my own behavior, and came away with a renewed commitment to be a better ally. Very revealing.
I received an ARC of this book from #NetGalley in exchange for my honest opinion. My thanks to author Amber Ruffin and publisher Grand Central Publishing for this opportunity. -
Yeah, I do believe what happened to Lacey. And I wish I didn't!
It's a testament to how great a writer Amber is that I laughed at these stories until I had actual tears, even though they're ha ha funny. They're WHAT THE CRAP?! funny. They're "If I put that in a work of fiction my editor would say, Take it out, it's too unrealistic." funny.
They're "I have to laugh so I don't cry and/or drive my car directly into your boss' living room." funny.
I'm glad that they can share these stories. I'm glad that Amber and Lacey can laugh about them. I'm glad that they're still alive to tell these stories (and that tells you how a few of these stories could have not been funny at all).
I would love to see more stories about anything from Amber, with interjections by Lacey. I would love to hear from the rest of their family. They sound like interesting people to know.
And yes, Magneto IS the most powerful supervillain.
And I do really want to try one of those racist doughnuts, though. They do sound amazing. -
This book is hilarious and horrifying in equal uncomfortable quantities. I hadn’t heard of Amber Ruffin before this but I will be checking out her late night show because based on the voice of this book I am positive she will be hilarious. While nothing in this book was hard to believe (sadly, I wish I could say I was able to believe these stories were fiction) it was hard to swallow some things like when the HR person you bring complaints to is more racist than the racism you were there to report. It also was hard to read the stories where white friends and allies disappointed and didn’t step up but often agreed with the insults. As a white person it was good to read and I hope it will help me remember to continue to use my voice and be an ally. This book would be beneficial for everyone to read no matter where they are in their understanding of racism and their role in it.
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"Laughter is the best medicine" is not just a comforting aphorism. Researchers have proven that endogenous endorphins are released in the process of physically responding to humor with anything more hearty than a chuckle. It's true! You, too, can achieve a runner's high without getting up off that sofa. And Amber Ruffin - along with older sister Lacey Lamar (Amber would want me to emphasize the age difference) - have been using laughter to soothe the deep, abiding hurt they suffer as the result of racism for most of their lives. Sharing these stories with the rest of us is an act of remarkable generosity.
This is one of the funniest books I've read in ages. It would be outright hilarious if it wasn't also so horrendous. These tales of woe induce all manner of responses, from grimacing to belly laughs to tears of grief. It's appalling that Racism comes in more varieties than the fabulous hair styles these two women sport. They write about Racism that is insidious or overt, unwitting or cruelly calculated, local or national, rebuffed or tolerated, but - shamefully - protected, promoted, and pervasive.
There are many very difficult sections within this book. Both women, along with friends and family, have amassed a treasure trove of vignettes that map out the dehumanization of Black people at the hands of ignorant employers, supervisors, coworkers, neighbors, classmates, pastors, teachers, small business operators, security officers, love interests... you get the point. I was most alarmed by those that involve White adults harming and shaming Black children.
But funny? Hell, yes. There are some racists who are just so stupid and inept that the only thing one can do is laugh at them. Of course it's all the other types one has to be wary of. These two outstanding ladies manage to have fun teaching the rest of us how to distinguish between the clowns and the killers. They do so in the hope that readers will be moved to shift further along the spectrum of racist -- non-racist -- anti-racist, wherever they happen to find themselves upon further reflection. -
A long and mindless work project let me finish this audiobook in a couple of days. :)
Hard not to feel conflicted about this one. Amber Ruffin's narration was delivered in a breezy style that emphasized the humor of the racist situations that her sister Lacey (who also narrated bits and pieces of the audiobook), herself, other family members, and friends experienced at work and out in the world. It made me feel like I was being drawn into a circle of confidence as these sisters told their infuriating, hilarious stories.
At the same time, I haven't had these experiences myself, for obvious reasons, and "people like me" were the boneheaded, sometimes malicious instigators of every single situation, so that illusion didn't hold up super well. That meta aspect of the book could be discomfiting. -
During last summer's BLM protests I watched Amber Ruffin on Late Night each day for a week telling some of the racism she experienced in her life. When I saw this book I thought it would be the same only longer. And while there are genuine stories of racism here they get watered down by stories of assholes who are just rude, but are painted as racists because they were rude to a black person. Some people are just mean, bullies and assholes. They treat everyone that way regardless of their race or religion. The stories weren't crazy, or funny at all. It's just Amber and Lacey putting thoughts and intentions on people they know nothing about because they said something they didn't like which as I said makes the actual blatantly racist stories in this book not as legitimate or hard hitting for me.
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Hilarious! Truth-telling! She speaks of stories I've yet to not experience. After the laughter subsides, you tell yourself, "Yeah, that happened. WTF?"
Listen to the audiobook to get the full scope. Enjoy!
