tutto il mondo si è negli ultimi mesi iniziato a parlare con grande interesse di intelligenza emotiva e di come questa facoltà, opportunamente coltivata, possa permettere a tutti di condurre una vita migliore.
A partire da un suo studio che dimostra come i figli di genitori bravi "allenatori emotivi" siano più equilibrati e sereni, più disposti ad apprendere e interagire, in una parola più felici, Gottman distingue quattro tipologie di madri e di padri e delinea per ciascuna, con ricchezza di esempi, le lineeguida del miglior percorso di educazione emotiva.
A very interesting book about a different side of education of the children, Its something different from what post soviet union people get used to use from day to day,
Also, some part of the suggestions could be applied to work as a manager: how to read people, how to listen to them in right way, how to find out the "real" reason of the angry state or so.
This book takes me back to my college parenting and family studies classes, I feel like its a solid book that teaches you first, to figure out what type of parent you are and second, recognize how you as a parent respond to your child's emotions.
It's not a parenting book with lots of tips and there's nothing earth shattering, but it reinforcessimple principles which are basically this:
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beware of the child's emotion
, prepare yourself for a parenting moment
, listen to your kid. make them feel like you care,
. help your kid define how they feel
, work together to find a solution,
In order to do that, I think parents need to have reached their own level of emotional maturity and there's some practical strategies to go about it.
Gottman also has a couple interesting chapters about the role of fathers and marriage and divorce and I thought it was an interesting book.
I want this book to be published with a new edition showing more current research and doing less to reinforce gender differences and separation.
I think a lot of those parts were outdated in terms of parenting today, but the
book is so amazing, This is not my first time reading it, The concepts are transferable in all relationships and its a great way of addressing underlying needs out of childrens behavior, Great book about preparing your child to not only understand their emotions but to equip them for adulthood, The main premise of this book is to become an emotional coach to your children and it's really not that complex of a thing to do.
There are three types of nonemotional coaching parents: dismissing, disapproving and laissez faire, The dismissing and disapproving are obvious but the laissez faire is a parent who appears to respect their children's emotions by letting them explore but the problem is they do not provide guidance about what to do with those emotions.
None of these parenting styles actually help children,
And becoming an emotion coach is pretty simple: just make observations about their emotional state, Rather than dictating and interrogating children about their emotions, you offer observations, validate their emotions, empathize with them and just be there with them for those moments.
Create green, yellow and red zones of permittable behavior, Yellow zone is needed because it allows children to push boundaries knowing the parent disapproves to allow them to grow,
If you're a parent you should ask yourself, from where is your power derived If it's from your anger, from humiliating your child or from being far too permissive, these power sources will not help children grow and will likely teach them toxic coping methods.
The power should be derived from the emotional trust you have with them, This is why simply being disappointed is punishment in and of itself because you have fostered a healthy emotional relationship with them prior that ensures how you feel about them matters to them.
Here's the simple but poignant point of this book: children have reasons for their emotions just like any adult, And just like any adult, you can observance, explore and empathize rather than dismiss their emotions as the incoherent emotions of a toddler or something.
Great read for any parent, Highly recommend. I wish I had read this book sooner, I love the way Gottman writes and gives examples from real life, I really appreciated all the research he shared about the importance of Dads, and the information about each stage of a childs life succinctly summed up at the end of the book.
This book is a little outdated, but the principles remain as important now as they were in the lates, In a world where teens and too many adults numb our feelings with constant scrolling, let social media impact who we are, or perceive we are, and all sorts of problems, learning to recognize, name, and accept emotions while keeping your values is essential! I thought this book was very helpful in terms of things not to do shaming, escalating, etc.
etc. , but that the advice for what TO do was a bit naive the fatal flaw of many parenting books: just use words and say it the right way and your preschooler will totally be rational! Yay! Yeah right, lol.
It was also prettys datedlots of stuff in here about saving kids from the rising danger of becoming criminals and hysterics about the ever rising rate of divorce and how it will surely turn all our kids into little sociopaths.
Skip the editorializing and just read the handson advice, yes, i read parenting books, i'm a nanny and an overachiever, this one is excellent. even if you never hang out with kids, i think that at a certain age, we all realize that we need to be a good parent to ourselves creating nurturing and discipline in our daily lives.
so this book gave me tools to understand the underlying philosophy of my own parents, the way its affected my own style, and tools for changing it.
Plus, it has helped immensely with taking care of a two and four year old, You can sum up the five main points in this book in just one chapter but I did appreciate the supporting chapters.
There is a lot of really good scientific research in this book, which I always appreciate, I recently ditched a parenting book because its main supporting text was the bible, :
This author is a psychotherapist who emphasizes empathy as the main way to relate to children, He talks about how damaging it can be to minimize their stress and the lasting effects of doing so, which can teach them to mistrust their own emotions.
He also emphasizes the role of the family and the father especially, which I found fascinating,
Of course in reading these books, I am partly looking for magic beans to get my toddler to stop whining forever.
Of course there is no such magical advice but there is a lot of solid advice in this book to help you relate to your child far more effectively.
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