Access I Could Pee On This: And Other Poems By Cats Developed By Francesco Marciuliano Presented As Mobi

you've ever been "owned" by a feline friend, you'll appreciate and enjoy this book of poems narrated by a cat.
Many are laughoutloud funny and oh so true!, Over many decades of living with these supreme creatures, I have received many little gifts.
alive and dead, have witnessed quite a few hairball episodes, and caught Maggie just a week ago dipping her paw into my just poured glass of milk.
they are so dam fast and sneaky My favorite verse besides "Nudge" is "I'm Not Paranoid".
. . if you've ever had to give a cat a pill, you will totally understand, . . cracked me up! Clever and amusing, theseshort pages bring smiles and laughter, but one subject dear to my hands was missing.
. . trimming cat claws. Suggested Title: SNIPSCRATCHBITE . . SNIPSCRATCHBITE . . SNIPSCRATCHBITEOuch! smile Basically, . .



sitelinkcats are assholes. HAPPY POETRY MONTH!

april is national poetry month,
so here come thirty floats!
the cynics here will call this plan
a shameless grab for votes.

and maybe theres some truth to that
i do love validation,
but charitably consider it
a rhymey celebration.

i dont intend to flood your feed
ill just post one a day,
endure four weeks of reruns
and then it will be may!



another stupid book i feel i need to own! i saw this one at BEA, but they didn't have any free copies because they knew i would buy it eventually they knew! so i glumly accepted my promotional postcard, and waited for it to come out, and here we are.


i am glum no longer!! it is cats!! writing poems!! real cats!! with pictures of cats!! this calls to me like candy!! i exclaim!!

some of the cats are better at writing poems than others, to be sure, and they are written in a variety of forms, showing the true diversity of catpoets.
but what i have learned is that cats abhor punctuation, which is strange, there are no periods at the end of any of the lines, which is curious, it's not like i don't understand what the poems mean without punctuation, it is just an unusual oversight.


here are some of my favorites, i will include pictures of cats, but not the same cats from the book, because i don't want to give you too many spoilers, and i managed to find a place on the internet where there were pictures of cats.
i have amazing reseach abilities,



sushi

did you really think
that you could hide fish in rice
oh, the green paste burns!




nudge

nudge
nudge nudge nudge
nudge nudge nudge nudge nudge nudge
nudge
your glass just shattered on the floor



tiny boxes

tiny boxes
play and hide
tiny boxes
squeeze inside
tiny boxes
cozy here
tiny boxes
paw in ear
tiny boxes
stuck
STUCK
STUCK!!!
tiny boxes
little help



that top shelf

i think i can jump to that top shelf
i want to jump to that top shelf
i know i can jump to that top shelf
i am jumping to that top shelf
i missed that top shelf by a good six feet
and now everything is on the floor
and i'm left wondering
why people even bother buying china
if it breaks so easily



did you know

did you know
did you see
did you count
how many times
i had to smack that moth
on your forehead
with my paw
it was like a thousand
he's dead now, though
definitely dead
one more smack
you're welcome



this is my chair

this is my chair
this is my couch
this is my bed
this is my bench
this is my chaise
this is my setee
those are my footstools
those are my rugs
everyhere is my place to sleep
perhaps you should just get a hotel room


this one is just terrifying.
why has there never been a lifetime movie about the sinister relationship between cats and women



unbridled love

i knead your chest with my sharp claws
to show you my affection
i bite your arm and don't let go
to show you adoration
i walk across your throat at night
because i want to say "hello!"
i leap from high upon your crotch
because i miss you so
i trip you when you walk down the stairs
so you know i'm always near
i sit on your face and block all your air
so my absence you need not fear
i show my love in so many ways
my devotion runneth over
so i don't know why when i approach
you duck and run for cover

there are many more wonderful poems within!! be a sucker like me!!

and if you are a dog lover, please go sitelinkhere

sitelinkcome to my blog! This really makes you think.
. . and wanna smoosh fuzzy faces!!! Yes, these catpenned poems are structurally unsound The iambic pentameter is a mess!, but oh how ADORABLE! You really have to be quite impressed with their mastery of the English language, and did they dictate these or can they type as well Oh the SQUEEE of it all!!!

Though perhaps this collection poses more questions than answers, it is thoroughly enjoyable.
I mean, to see into the inner thoughts of a feline and really feel their true emotions is something special.
But don't take my word for it, . .


"I Lick Your Nose"

I lick your nose
I lick your nose again
I drag my claws down your eyelids
Oh, you're up Feed me


Pure genius!


And now, an irresistibly cute kitten!


look i never said it was hard to make me laugh.
I don't feel fully qualified to review a book of poetry written by cats, so for this review I will be turning things over to my feline masters, Penny amp Chloe.
Take it away, furballs!

Chloe



I could not eat it.

Very nice to rub my face and butt against,

Oh. The human says I should write more, She seemed fairly amused by it, All I know is, she was enjoying something that wasn't me, I planted myself on her chest and stuck my butt in her face to remind her of the glory of my furry hindquarters in comparison, which oddly did not persuade her.
Although, if the human likes it, it must be worth something, After all, she likes me and I'm the greatest thing on the entire planet,

Penny



It is kind of the human to offer me the chance to contribute to the internets that she spends all day on, however I must decline.
As I inspired "Nectar of the

Gods", extolling my unparalleled love of sink water, it would be unethical of me to review this.
If you are able though, I could use some aid in convincing the human to run the fountain of joy/.
The cat water fountain in the kitchen just tastes different, Too watery.

Now, if you will excuse us, Chloe and I have a very important nap to attend to.




Sometimes when I lie on your warm chest
And hear your every happy sigh
I gaze into your two kind eyes
And wonder, "Who is that"
Cat Epigram

Who could resist a title like I Could Pee on This And Other Poems by Cats Not this reader.
I picked this up for the LOLs, but honestly, I have to say, some of it makes rather good poetry as well.
I think I'm going to have to buy this,

I had intended to do a more serious/parody lit crit kind of review, but my spunk seems to have deserted me today.
Maybe on a reread. For now, here are two of my favorites,

"Then All Went Dark"
I'M BLIND!
Oh, wait, I'm not
I'M BLIND!
No, my vision is clear
I'M BLIND!
But now I see you
I'M BLIND!
And there you are again.

I'M BLIND!
What is going, . . Wait,
is that your hand over my eyes

"Busy, Busy"
It'sA, M. and time to rest
It'sA, M. and time to relax
It's noon and time for repose
It'sP, M. and time for shuteye
It'sP, M. and time for siesta
It'sP, M. and time to slumber
It's midnight and time to snooze
It'sA, M. and time to hang upside down
from your bedroom ceiling, screaming I mean, . . I /chose/ to read a collection of poems written "by" cats so really, who's to blame here I thought it was cute, it was a little on the simple side and maybe they could have taken it a step further but perhaps they themselves viewed the cat as a simple creature Adorable! This book was amusing, some of the poems I laughed a lot.
I liked it because i've never heard of a book written in a cat's view and it was a poem book.
As poems, the form and style are poor, As thoughts of a cat, they sound pretty darn true, A few spoke to me while most were meh, It's a cute concept and conceit, soso execution, The photographs complemented the poems while being a mix of cute and funny, I'm really sad that I bought this book for my daughter for Christmas and can't keep it for myself.
Yes, I stopped wrapping gifts and read through the whole thing not a huge interruption, but still not what I was meant to be doing.
If you're a cat person, or a person who's lived with a cat for any time, you'll recognize the truth in these poems.
The photos are darling, too,

I read a couple of poems aloud to my dog and he thinks they get the arrogance and contempt of cats just right, although he did make an exception for our special needs cat, whom he finds innocuous if not actually pleasant.
December

you're only going to receive one book for Christmas, it had better be a good one.
Funny, with cats in is a good bet, Thanks, Sweetie.



Boris and Natasha are splendid cat names, Eliot is correct about the importance of cat names, Bonus points for last names, Longer names are more amusing, Honorifics, titles, ranks are all impressive additions, .