Grab Your Edition The Total Woman: How To Make Your Marriage Come Alive Brought To You By Marabel Morgan Accessible Via Document
Total Woman by Marabel Morgan is without a doubt a horrible piece of literature with the very basic intent of sending wives the "biblical" message to submit to their husbands in such a way that it practically dehumanizes them.
The theme throughout the book is that the job of a wife is to do whatever it takes to please her husbands, and if she does this well then her husband will graciously show kindness to her and treat her well in return.
Also, if your man treats you like dirt, walks over you, refuses to take your opinions and/or advice no matter how intelligent/logical/or relevant it may be then it is your duty as a Total Woman and/or Christian to live with it and to do it with a smile on your face and a song in your heart.
This paragraph that closes chapter six of the book found on pagein mycopy of the book sums up the ridiculousness of the entire book:
"It is only when a woman surrenders her life to her husband, reveres and worships him, and is willing to serve him, that she becomes really beautiful to him.
She becomes a priceless jewel, the glory of femininity, his queen!"
Worship him, eh Does this sound like idolatry to anyone else by chance It was an ironic engagement gift.
Yes, we both read it, And would both suggest a retitle: The Total Fundamentalist Crapfest,
I'm definitely between three and four on this one, For a book that has mostly the Bible as it's definitive source for relationships, Morgan actually brings in many sinceproven conflict resolution strategies and psychological principles into the book, While I definitely do not agree with the idea of wifely submission that is promoted and promoted not very explicitly either, I felt that Morgan was really calling for women to be more selfconfident, embrace their sexuality, and to promote loving relationships within the family.
I have no problem with Christian, stay at home moms deciding to get a bit more adventurous!
Other areas of contention with the book was the portion on children and homosexuality being caused by the mother, this has been proven to be untrue but at the time it was a huge concern that mothers were the source for male children's homosexual behavior.
I found it pretty interesting that she could talk about the dangers of this and then on the next page start to proclaim how all children should be accepted as they are so that they do not run away from home or turn to sex or drugs.
I got the sense that she did not think this applied to homosexual children and that there was no paradox inherent in that, I actually laughed a bit at that, Also, the whole "spare the rod, spoil the child" rhetoric has also been proven to be harmful to children's attachment to parents, but that wasn't known at the time,
Other portions of the book definitely highlighted the concept of nonviolent communication using I statements, not you statements, etc, . In this way, I think Morgan was ahead of the times in the way she approached communicating honest feelings in a nonviolent manner,
Overall, there are a few golden ideas in this book if you can get over some of the gagfactor of some of the chapters, I read this book as it is cited in a lot of antifeminist literature and I have to say that I didn't find what was so contentious about it, Yes, Morgan believes that stayathome parenting is best, but intensive parenting and having a constant attachment with a parent are proven to be good for children, Yes, Morgan centers her life around making her husband happy so he can go to work and earn money, but that's the life she has chosen, Yes, she says dress up in costumes and have a lot of sex, but really what's so bad about that Yes, Morgan believes in God and is raising her children to have a lifeview centered on faith, but a lot of people also do this.
This doesn't make her antifeminist, These were her choices in the type of relationship dynamic that she chose and she improved her life and made herself and her family happier, There's nothing inherently wrong in that,
I read this "The Total Woman" by
Mirabel Morgan aroundand entertained my dorm mates for three solid days by reading excerpts from it at lunchtime, Someone once said that a better title would be "The Totaled Woman" and I couldn't agree more, My copy has been repurposed as a booksafe although I usually consider defacing or burning hooks to be evil, I've made an exception for this one,
A primer on manipulation, it might possibly be useful for someone trapped in slavery, or in a marriage they cannot leave, otherwise its only use is as a an unintentional piece of comedy, or b a historic piece on expected female behavior back when women weren't allowed to either work or get a divorce.
Yes, there are some kernels of truth in it consideration for a spouse's selfesteem, and letting them know they're valued and respected is usually a Good Thing and yep, I can think of exceptions.
Total suppression of your own needs, wants, desires and ambitions is NOT, which is what the author presents as expected in a wife, Also note that even the best of spouses can and will die, which leaves a poor lookout for the helpless, pleaserescuepoorlittleoldme behavior the book recommends,
Ending a review I usually tell people to "Go, Read. Enjoy!", but unless you pick it up for the humor and it us incredulously, inadvertently funny at times I cannot recommend it, If you must read it, get it from the library,
Read. Laugh. Then make a booksafe out of it! I can't remember how long ago I read this book but to think about it now makes me laugh!! Wrap yourself in saran wrap indeed!!
Total WomanTotal Crap.
This is the book which suggested women greet there husbands at the door wrapped in nothing but Saran Wrap and holding a martini,
I giggled my way through this piece of garbage years ago, I can't believe it's still around, This book was published in, Atyears old, i was recently married and a lifelong member of an independent, fundamentalist Christian church, This book was touted to be the recipe for the perfect Christian marriage, Ms. Morgan's message was that a happy marriage is the responsibility of the good Christian wife who anticipates and fulfills her husband's every need, So this "good girl" read every word and made every effort to practice what Marabel Morgan preached,
It has beenyears since i read this book, so many of details are hazy to me now, What i do remember is Ms, Morgan's recommendation to keep the husband interested by surprising him, For example, when he comes home from the office, look your best: showered, powdered, perfumed, hair coiffed, dressed in your best outfit, Have his favorite dinner on the table complete with candles and soft music check or take his brief case ! and march him back out to the car to take him to his favorite restaurant check.
Her more adventurous recommendations included the plan to meet him in a baby doll nightgown and bunny ears check, or to wrap yourself in plastic wrap check or to open the door wearing nothing but your makeup, your jewelry, and a big smile no check not brave enough for that one!.
The reason why this book remains embedded in my memory, lo, these many decades later, is because of what happened on the one day postread when time got away from me.
I was down on my knees on the kitchen floor in a tshirt, shorts, an apron, and a pair of mustard yellow rubber gloves, scrubbing the oven, My hair was piled on top of my head in a frizzy mess, grease streaked across my cheek and forehead where i had tried to brush the stray hairs out of my eyes with my wrist.
Our infant son was tucked into the baby swing which was swaying back and forth with a metronomic "Click, Click. Click. " And music was streaming from the radio in the background, so i did not hear the crunch of gravel as my husband pulled up to the trailer, He opened the door rather tentatively, having had some surprises, not to say shocks, in the recent past, He stepped inside and said, "Honey, I'm home, "
The sound of his voice startled me, I shot up, whacking my head on the inside of the oven, twisting to see him, a puzzled look on his face, My mouth was hanging open and my arms were hanging down as if attached by yarn, Suddenly, my Christian duty kicked in and i began to quote in a cartoon voice: " Be a good cook, my mother said, you'll get a man! What did i getyears with my head in a dirty oven.
Scraping. Scrubbing!" I stopped, having just quoted a current TV commercial for oven cleaner, We stood there, looking at each other as if each had encountered an alien, Then, in the same instant, we both burst out laughing, We laughed and laughed until the tears streamed down our faces, The baby became upset by this uncharacteristic humorous exuberance from his parents, and began to cry, which brought the two of us back to earth,
It was the beginning of the end of my subservience to fundamentalist principles, That journey took another decade and a complete college education, But this story is told around the table at family gatherings, Thanksgiving dinners, wedding showers, and picnics, We have Marabel Morgan and EasyOff Oven Cleaner to thank for years of laughter,
And yes, still married, Three kids,and a half grandchildren, Still happy and in love, but not remotely religious, For its time earlys when I read it it wasnt a bad book, It might have helped more marriages if read with an open mind, The culture then was obsessed with radical feminism, movies full of adultery tacitly endorsed, which you have to admit is frowned upon today, abortion rights, cynicism about marriage in general.
The books simplicity in focusing on unconditional marital sex for happiness might have been more effective than months of professional marriage counseling! Granted, this book was not for wives who were dealing with serious emotional crises or abusive husbands, but for the generally sound marriage though not immune from divorce that was struggling with the sexual spark gone out and boredom.
I use the past tense because you cant find this book today except in used book stores, hated it Likely the most idiotic book I have ever read, The scary thing is some women liked it and followed the advice, Wow. Where to start A recent book club selection, I read this book as an assignment and otherwise never would have, It's an interesting window tos culture, when wives weren't expected to work, or to do much other than raise kids and be sex objects for their husbands, Much about this book offended me or made me laugh, That said, there are some good points about women being the sunshine of their home, I agree that women often set the emotional tone of any place they're in, so to that end I agree with Morgan, But I don't think that the key to a happy marriage is to feign interest in sports some of us actually follow football or to don costumes or to ignore our kids while we bubble bath.
And no I don't think women should butt out of financial decisions, Don't read this if you want sound advice, . . read it to learn about the distant past and to be glad you're not living in it, I read this in the early's and even then I thought it was ridiculous, It was basically how to manipulate your husband so you will get "goodies" like a new refrigerator or whatever, I was not a fundamentalist Christian but was in prayer groups with many of them, Many of them thought this was a good book because they believed the husband is the head of the household and the wife answers to him, Thus, the manipulation advice. I would never recommend this book to any woman, No. Someone had a copy when I was at school and we all fought to be next to read it, I don't know when I have laughed so much at a book that wasn't meant to be funny, That book gave the entire class a lot of entertainment,star for giving so many people a good laugh, We heard that her marriage had broken up and were meanly pleased, The idea of 'junior' leaving his friends because he wanted to go home and see mum's new costume is insane, Bleah. What an awful load of unspeakable ridiculosity, Honestly, the whole reason that I read this book was because I listened to a podcast making fun of it, The podcast was called The Complete Woman and was absolutely hilarious and ridiculous, I wanted to read the source material because thats just the kind of person I am,
Okay, now, some background here, I declared myself a feministyears ago, I worked toward a degree in Womens and Gender Studies in college, but due to scheduling issues had to drop it, I work full time and have a child and a husband, I am definitely not Christian, All of that being said, sometimes there really is some good advice to be garnered from these old books, When I met my husband, I was reading The Rules by Ellen Fein, very old fashioned but Im married now, I mean, I only took what I thought would work for me and applied it,
And this is kind of like that, I went in expecting to be horrified and delighted, like I was watching a brated bloody slasher flick, but what I got was a lot of stuff that Ive read in other, more modern books but in different words.
Look, the first bit of this book is about filling up your own cup so that you can give to your husband and family, Tell me that you havent seen that same advice five million times on social media At the end of that section, the homework is to write down your own, personal goals and these do seem very outdated but also goals are goals.
If Peggy wants to losepounds so that shes more attractive to her husband nowhere does this state that the husband has implied she needed to lose weight, is that any different than me wanting to losepounds just to feel better Not really.
Okay, so, obviously some of it is incredibly outdated and insulting, Its bound to happen. But the bones are not bad, I kind of wonder what would happen if this were completely rebranded for modern times, How much of this advice is just the love languages before there was a word for it And maybe, MAYBE, I bring a different perspective because I read a lot of things that dont agree with my viewpoint just for the stuff that I might be missing.
Anyway, its a product of its time but I dont really think its as bad as all that, Its definitely not great, though, Like I said, it can be insulting, .