my. So I knew going into this read that it is dark with hard core for me, that is BDSM themes that are not my usual read.
That being said, I still had difficulty, Took me quite a while to read it, This is NOT the kind of book I can binge read, Had to take it in in small doses, Stefan is such a tragic guy, Has nothing going on in his life, lives on the dole in a dank bedsit and lives for someone to cater to his kink.
Other Goodreaders have captured the descriptors better than I humiliation, noncon/dubcon, rape fantasies, etc, Not sure that I'd classify this as a romance, I cringed through most of it and just wanted to sob at Stefan's loss of self and selfhate, I've read several BDSMthemed books and there must be a connection, a sense of love between the MCs, I didn't feel that here, Didn't really get a sense of a healthy connection, I read one of this author's YA books and really enjoyed it, Kudos to him for his ability to move from almost innocent YA love to this very dark tale, I read romance to escape, To get my happily ever after, To spend a few days immersed in the love tales of two lovely MCs, Though there were times I was mesmerized at Daz, Yannis and Stefan and from an intellectual perspective, this was an engrossing read, But it left me feeling depressed, sad and wanting to wrap up all three of them in blankies and give them tea, Gave itfor drawing me in and the technical aspects of the read, NEEEEEEEEEEED I could easily see how this book wouldn't work for some people: mental health issues, body dysphoria, selfharm, VERY MUCH BDSM, sexual slavery, rape fantasies
And listing it out I'm like well fuck
But this book was so much of what I needed to read right now and I can't thank the author enough for writing it and for sharing the voices of these guys.
This is not your typical romance but god is it honest and genuine, Love can mean a lot of different things and happiness is the biggest key, Finished this book in one sitting! Wow, Wowiwowiwiwwowow. This story was so deep, so dark, so twisted, so very incredibly fucked up, but also so God damn beautiful,
This story is not for the faint hearted, one of the most darkest characters Ive had the pleasure of meeting, These characters arent at all perfect, but they are wonderfully developed, I didnt expect forcharacters to be introduced to me, and at first I was hesitant to continue, . . but I ended up loving the trio the more I found out about them, Im so excited for whats next for the author, because I read “What it Looks Like” and was also blown away by the intensity, the rawness and the dark eroticism of it all.
This was a challenge and an eyeopener, trigger warnings for dubcon, suicidal ideation, Masterslave relationship, menage, open relationships, etc The BDSM is central and intense, the pain and the growth, the intensity of the challenges and risks Stefan faces as a trans guy whose fantasies include pain and noncon sex kept me glued to the page.
Part of the tension for me as a reader here was knowing how horrifically wrong things could have gone for Stefan, had he met anyone other than Daz.
Knowing all the parts of the broken mess that is Stefan that could have been eased, by having family and medical care that gave him what he needed, instead of rejection and years of denial.
And knowing that there are trans guys and trans women out there whose lives walk this kind of highrisk wire,
Stefan lost all of his family and friends when he came out, He buys his hormones illegally, with almost all the money he has, and has to hope that the stuff he is shooting up is really what it claims.
He craves being dominated, being used, noncon fantasies and ownership, and even then, he's aromantic so he doesn't want mushy love in the mix.
His needs are hard, and dark, and as someone whose physical transition is in the early stages, he can't find men who will treat him as he craves and yet accept him as a gay man.
And then, there's the fact that he gets physical pleasure from his female anatomy, even as he hates having it and hates attention paid to it.
Working through the betrayal of his body and his brain pushes him to the brink,
Drunk, in a bar, he blurts a mix of this out to a toughlooking man, courting actual rape and more, in desperation to silence the needs that are driving him crazy.
By the grace of fate, it's Daz whom he finds, Daz, who likes to dominate, who knows about trans guys, and who holds to the sane and consensual end of BDSM, despite walking the sharp edge in his practices.
Daz takes a drunk Stefan home, partly to keep him safe, And although Daz turns out to have a boyfriend at home, that guy is asexual and he's okay with Daz meeting other needs elsewhere.
And so develops a lopsided triangle of a relationship, with sex and pain and dominance and need imperfectly balanced among them,
There's a lot of graphic BDSM sex here, as Daz uses Stefan's body in harsh ways that let them discover what Stef needs, and wants, and can handle, and cannot.
Yannis, Daz's asexual, aromantic partner, has an interest in experimentation and in music that connects with Stefan's one true love, his cello, but mainly through sex and pain as well.
There are so many dark and difficult parts to Stef's quest to become the man he knows he should be, and most of them are navigated in the arena of BDSM.
This is not a book where that is tempered by sweetness, But because it is so well written, I felt compelled along, accepting much that is way outside my personal comfort zone as necessary to Stefan.
Read this book for a deep, heartbreaking, fascinating, and ultimately successful look at a trans guy with an intense need for pain and domination, and almost no resources.
Meet the men who meet those needs, in the process balancing ones of their own, Not a classic romance, but a fitting of three jagged edges together in a shape that is smoother and more functional than any of these guys alone.
I felt a lot, and learned a lot, as I shared Stefan's journey, Dirty. Gritty. Shameful. Northern. Sordid. Unexpected. Proud. Different. Uplifting. Brilliant.
Not for the faint hearted,
I savoured this book in small sections, partly so I didn't get overwhelmed and partly to make it last longer,
Thoroughly recommended, as long as you like your books dark, complicated and subtle the central themes are addressed via their implications, rather than head on in endless clunky monologues and dialogues.
This book is intense, and brutal, and beautiful,
It's definitely not for everyone, Stefan likes rough REALLY rough, violent, kind of terrifying, cringeworthy sex, He needs it. He craves it. And he gets it. He gets it A LOT, So if that's an instant turnoff for you, then don't say I didn't warn you, also should throw out a warning for selfharm and drug/alcohol use
If you are willing to push your comfort zone a little or if that IS your comfort zone, I highly recommend this book.
It's not just about kinky sex, It's about being human. It's about being a mess and finding what puts you back together which, in this case, happens to be kinky sex, You can feel Stefan's turmoil, and even if you don't identify with his kinks, you can identify with him, He's struggling with his identity, with accepting his body and his feelings and with liking the things he likes, He wants to be wanted, he wants to belong, but he feels, for endless reasons, that he isn't and doesn't, Then Daz comes along. Dominant, controlling Daz, and his aro/ace boyfriend Yannis, . . and they both, in their own ways, help Stefan put himself back together again,
When Daz isn't playing the Master role, he is downright adorable, It made me so happy to see the scary Master turn out to be a teasing, laid back goofball, The brilliant little glimpses of cuteness and humor between Daz and Yannis, and the unquestioning acceptance both men show Stefanfor his sexual preferences, for his trans identity, for everything he's been throughwere sprinkled throughout often enough to keep me from feeling overwhelmed by the brutal sex scenes.
Speaking of those sex scenes, . . It's important to mention that although the sex is borderline rape, there's never a question whether Stefan's consenting to it, It is made abundantly clear that he wants it, he needs it, he enjoys it, and it helps him feel better about himself.
He always has a safeword, Daz respects his boundaries and cares for him as a person,
Another point of praise: There is a conversation explaining asexuality and aromanticism, but it feels natural, It was enlightening without feeling like the author was lecturing through his characters, There is also discussion of dysphoria multiple times and the same can be said for thatenlightening, but felt natural,
Anyway. Read this book. That's all that's left to say, Amazing. I fucking loved it and my thoughts are too jumbled to write a review, Stefan has fantasies.
He knows chasing those fantasies is only going to end in disaster, but he can't seem to stop his selfdestructive spiral.
Hes a transgender man struggling to come to terms with the intersection of his identity and his sexual fantasies as a submissive, He needs someone to take control before he loses it completely,
Daz can take control, He can teach Stefan everything there is to know about sex and submission, but for some reason, he can't get inside Stefan's head.
Daz can stop Stefans selfdestruction but not the fear that fuels it,
Stefan needs to know who he is before he can accept what he is, And it's Yannis Daz's aromantic, asexual, stern, and sarcastic partner who has the answer, I don't think I can rate this one accurately, so I'm probably gonna skip right over the, Mainly because this is almost entirely kink, from a single POV, and it's a kink I don't find very interesting,
What is interesting are the discussions of body dysphoria as a pretransition trans man, the difficulties he's facing attaining that transition, asexuality with a character who is not sex repulsed and two aromantic characters, one of whom is just discovering that aromanticism exists.
And yes, since two of the three MCs are aromantic, this is not a romance, At all. Do not read for that,
These other conversations made the book worthwhile to me, but it's a long book, and the vast majority is internal dialog surrounding Stefan's sex slave fantasies.
The firstor so is practically all internalized sexual slavery,
I'm not sure I would have made it that far if I hadn't just read a different series by this author that includes a similar kink, but with characters who only want to play those roles during sex scenes, as opposed to Stefan wanting to fill that role/.
It can definitely be uncomfortable to read about, so I think I made the right call coming into it after acclimating to the kink a little from the other series.
It's only in the lastpages of the book that Stefan is starting to think about anything outside of his desire to be owned and the progress, or lack thereof, of his transition, but he's actively trying NOT to think about that for a lot of the book since it feels hopeless to him and understandably so, from everything we eventually learn.
I think this would have been much better if we'd gotten a little more of what his life with Daz and Yannis looks like going forward and a little less of the drawn out, repetitive fantasies in the firstpages.
It did very effectively make its point about the lack of resources for the Stefans of the world, and how terrifying and hopeless it would feel to find yourself alone with no idea how to just.
. . be. How to exist as yourself, It's heartbreaking and important and still super repetitive in places, So how do you rate that!
Also, I am desperate for a little of Yannis' POV :
'There were galaxies in those eyes.
Entire oceans and worlds. It was like staring into the abyssand the abyss stared right back, daring Stefan to jump, Daring him to find himself there, '
'Sex in C Major' is I believe one of the most darkly beautiful, starkly visceral and intensely haunting books I have read.
I know already that I will never forget it and for the huge depth of understanding and compassion it brings to extraordinarily difficult subjects this novel deserves a place on my very select favourites shelf.
Clearly this is not an easy read, but it is brilliant and so beautifully written, dealing with complex issues in a thoughtful and nuanced way that I find utterly compelling.
Set in the North of England, the subject matter contains hardcore BDSM with a Master/slave relationship, and rapefantasies as well as body dysmenorrhoea, self harm, depression and suicidal thoughts plus some drug abuse.
These may understandably be trigger issues for some readers but if you feel that you can deal with the topics and the brutality this is actually a story of connection, acceptance and of positivity and hope arising out of the ashes of despair.
Partly because the story is so very realistic, it is one of the most crazily beautiful, boundary pushing, complex and entrancing books I have ever read.
The content is blisteringly extreme at times and yet it is also like a balm to the soul,
The characters are beautifully drawn and the writing is exceptional and kept me engrossed, engaged and hopeful,
It is a long book, but also totally absorbing and I was glad to return to it and reluctant to tear myself away.
Stefan is a mess full of selfloathing he desperately wants to be accepted as a man and yet he worries that his body and his sexual needs mean he is a freak.
Rejected by his mother and family, compounds his fear that noone will want him, and that everything is conspiring against his transitioning, All of his very limited money is spent self medicating from the betrayal of his own body,
Stefan's kink and fantasies are fairly extreme, At times he needs only to be an object for his Master, a sexual toy or a holes for gratification, The depictions really push at my own boundaries and yet whilst the story can get really dark and graphic, the humanity and the message of acceptance and connection is remarkable and shines through the pain.
Everything is told from Stefans point of view, providing huge insight into the contradictions, tensions and inner turmoil and the relief of meeting Daz and Yannis who bring their own understandings, integrity and pragmatism to the situation.
Each of these men is flawed and unconventional but they are also humourous and brave and between them they can bring balance and peace.
The triad works and it fully engages the reader to understand and make sense of the nuances and to have moments of enlightenment and learning along the way.
I cannot express enough how well crafted and insightful I find this story,
'Sex in C Major' has a brilliant depiction of aromantic relationships and the story is far from a typical romance in so many ways, but it is heartfelt and poignant and the relationships have a depth and beauty of their own.
I would like to sincerely recommend this story to everyone and yet I know it will not be everybodies cup of tea
It is a rich, complex and fulfilling read that meets twentyfirstcentury issues head on.
The representation of mental health, culture, gender identity, sexuality and asexuality, conformity and diversity of characters living in the UK is remarkably enriching.
This is the first time I have read anything by Matthew J, Metzger and I am utterly blown away by the writing I would award well beyond five if I could,
Just before I conclude I would like to say that this story is brutal and beautiful, I can understand why some people may not ever wish to entertain it or may find the topics too extreme particularly if they are looking for a romance.
I do not agree with anyone who says that Stefan is using BDSM to control his flagging mental health, I think anyone who claims so is entirely missing the nuances and subtlety of the story.
Stefan's wellbeing and selfrespect is bolstered by the connection and understanding he is given by Daz and Yannis and the kink although brutal at times humiliating is always consensual.
Stefan makes hard and difficult choices, sometimes he makes mistakes but he learns from them and moves on,
I am so glad I found Sex in C Major, I feel enriched, educated and totally privileged to have had my understandings broadened.
That is a gift rarely found in a book and is deeply cherished,
The triad of Stefan, Daz and Yannis form a relationship that is fulfilling and enlightening,
'Of the man who wanted to test and twist him, but never touch him, Of both of these men, who had so effortlessly swallowed him into their existence, their partnership, and consumed him, '.
Unforgettable,