E.L. James
Oh, you mean that time you kidnapped her, took off her clothes, and slept in the same bed as her Yes, I remember.
And another dose of his controlling:
And a little more, in case you havent had enough:
It pisses me off that Christian still think he has the right to act like a massive asshat.
He gets violently angry whenever Ana so much as talks to another man, So when she actually hugs another guy, he feels the need to stalk up to them in a predatory way, claim his territory, and then get all possessive.
“You. Are. Mine. ” Remember, theyre technically still broken up, but hes never been a boundaries kind of guy, has he And Ana laps it up like the lap dog she is.
It is sickening that this behaviour is viewed as romantic by millions of women, There is nothing romantic about an aggressive douchecanoe who might as well piss on you to claim you as his.
So after he decides how long theyre staying at Josés photo show, he also decides that theyre going to a restaurant, which restaurant theyre going to, and exactly what theyre going to eat.
When Ana protests, he tells her to stop acting like a child,
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Instead of rambling on forever, heres another list of reasons why Christian Grey needs to be raped by a cactus:
His controlling behaviour is so disconcerting.
He buys the company Ana works for, Just because he can,
He still doesnt give a damn about what Ana thinks,
“Hmm, well, this is one way to ensure you eat forcefeed you, I could get used to this, ”
From the moment theyre back together, he buys her a car again,
When she refuses the car, he deposits,dollars into her back account,
Do I need to remind anyone that theyve known each other for a month
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“You are coming back to my apartment if I have to drag you there by your hair.
” Wow. Just wow.
When she still refuses to come back to his apartment, he picks her up and throws her over his shoulder, like a fucking child.
Hes so clingy this time around, Because she had the brain to leave him once before, hes constantly begging her not to leave him again.
Ever. As if I needed another reason to find him repugnant,
He has a fucking manila folder with all her information, He has her middle name, her birth certificate, her social security number, her employment records, yadda, yadda, NUTJOB.
“Its true that you are the only fuckedup, mercurial, control freak that I know, ”
How long will he want to do this without wanting to beat the crap out of me because I cross some arbitrary line
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Luckily, his sister Mia warns Ana:
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He pays to have a doctor “come sort her out”, contraceptionwise.
Without her permission.
No. No. No, its really not.
“My natural inclination is to beat it out of you, ”
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“Dont be friendly with the staff or flirt with them.
I dont like it. ” Dont be such a douche, I dont like it. Youve got so many people
working for you, you ballbag, youd think a little appreciation here and there wouldnt go amiss.
Christian tells her that she cant go to work,
When she does eventually go to work albeit with a bodyguard, she mentions that shes going on a business meeting to New York with an overnight flight.
They argue over email, because of course Christian tells her she cant go, Then, when she books the flight anyway, he makes it so that all trips have to be approved by the senior board first.
You remember when Christian bought her company, so he could be even more of a controlling fucksicle than he already is.
The trip to New York is off, “Please dont be mad at me, I have your best interests at heart, ”
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Then, when she goes out to get lunch for her boss, he calls her up and yells at her for going out when he told her not to, even if it was justminutes.
Hes got people watching her when he cant watch her himself, Its fucking sick.
He asks her to move in with her after five weeks, Probably so the jackass has full control over everything she does,
He asks her to marry him after six, And suggests they have kids,
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“This is my revenge, Ana, Argue with me and I am going to take it out on your body somehow, ”
“Why, Miss Steele, I believe youre making my palm twitch, ” Because God forbid a woman actually makes decisions on her own, If you want someone to cater to your every whim, get a fucking blowup doll,
“Im a sadist, Ana, I like to whip little brownhaired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore my birth mother.
” Ladies and gentlemen, our pièce de résistance, Our cherry on top. I knew about this, but its still disgusting,
When he dumps that bucket of shit on her head and tells her that he gave his exsub a bath that morning, she gets all emotional and yells at him to leave her alone.
Naturally, he doesnt.
That night, he tries to have sex with her, She says, “Christian Stop, I cant do this. ” Naturally, he doesnt stop, It doesnt end up with rape, because of course she cannot resist him, Lucky him.
He has to hear from her every goddamn hour or he becomes worried,
Ana nearly gets raped at work, and instead of being a supportive boyfriend, Christian yells at her and calls her stupid for not using her Blackberry to email him.
Its not like Anastasia is any better, either, That woman is dumb as dirt, Every time she has the brain to get mad at him for his outrageous behaviour, he just shushes her with sex.
And she lets him, because she loves him, and because shes just as sexed up as he is.
You bloody daft cow. After everything theyve been through, all the threats, all the mood swings, she still calls him “the most compassionate man she knows”.
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I am getting sick and tired of her not knowing how goodlooking she is, as well as how special she is.
Shes got five men wanting her, And then theres this charity auction where they auction off first dances with the women, and the first three get four to five thousand, and of course Ana is auctioned off for one hundred thousand dollars.
Give me a fucking break,
And still she tries to portray how clever she is, with her passion for old books, and her Icarus references, and her Fifty Shades puns.
Yet she knows how fucked up Christian is Oh, Christian, what do I have to do to make you realize how I feel Let him beat you, my subconscious sneers at me, yet she stays with him.
The inner goddess chronicles
My inner goddess is doing a triple axel dismount off the uneven bars.
I hope you fall,
My inner goddess does three back flips over the gym floor,
My inner goddess grabs a rose between her teeth and starts to tango,
My inner goddess is draped in a pink feather boa and diamonds, strutting her stuff in fuckme shoes.
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There is absolutely zero plot in this book, Christian and Ana get back together, have sex, go to a charity auction, have sex, theres an exsub with a gun on the loose, have sex, take a boat ride, have sex, have sex on the piano, have sex, argue about whether Ana can or cannot go to work, have sex, at least three scenes where they just have breakfast together, have sex, force a proposal on her, have sex.
And when she is away from him and goes to work, she emails him constantly, And this goes on and on for over pages, Its enough to drive anyone mental, especially with the horrid writing, Everything is so repetitive and all the characters use the same words and the same expressions,
The reason they broke up at the end of the last book is because Christian gave Ana the beating of a lifetime and she discovered that BDSM wasnt her thing.
So when they get back together, they decide to do the vanilla sex, They have vanilla sex for three quarters of the book, They have sex every morning and every night, making every scene the same as the last, turning the book into one big twoperson orgy with scenes that all sound the same, and, frankly, quite boring.
I often sighed and went, “Again” Ana finally has what she wants Christian who knows how to behave himself a bit.
Only when he mentions that he doesnt feel the need to go all BDSM on her ass, she is disappointed.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND, WOMAN,
Anas best friend, Kate, is conveniently on vacation with Christians brother, which removes the only person to actually have common sense when it comes to Christian.
The subplot with the volatile exsub is highly anticlimactic I thought we hadnt reached Breaking Dawn yet and, frankly, she disappointed me by not shooting Ana or Christian.
We have several scenes of them confessing their eternal love for one another, usually with Ana crying, and its just too much to bear.
This book shouldve been called Fifty Cheeses Darker,
Theres also the fact that Ana is dating Christian, Kate is dating Christians brother Elliot, and Kates brother Ethan and Christians sister Mia are on the verge of dating.
This has the potential of turning into one big incestuous gangbang,
This book is so messed up, They keep throwing accusations at one another and become irrationally jealous because theyre both so afraid that the other will leave.
How about some goddamn trust in the one you want to marry You know, even if youve only known them for about three minutes.
Dont even get me started on the proposal after six weeks, They dont know anything about each other, Theyve already vowed their eternal love for one another, but they dont know how the other prefers their coffee or tea in the morning.
That is because, up until then, all they preferred in the morning was sex,
I am beyond done with this book, This has no redeeming qualities, It just sucks.
Christian and Ana, this ones for you,
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two here be spoilers,
I personally found Fifty Shades Darker a lot harder to get through, I read the first one in two days because it was entertaining in the fact that it was so, so very bad.
This one is equally bad, but it was also incredibly cheesy, boring, and uneventful, If I had to choose between Fifty Shades and My Immortal, Id pick the second one, over and over again.
The story begins three days after theyve broken up, Ana, of course, is completely gutted, because she loves Christian, How could she not theyve been together for a whole three weeks, She doesnt eat for days, “I am a ravaged, wartorn land where nothing grows and the horizons are bleak, ”
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Its not like she actually has to go without him because, even though she told him to stay away, he still sends her flowers and emails and asks to see her.
Then again, we know that hes never known the meaning of no,
After a week of endless agony, the two lovers meet up again, Christians first words are so perfectly characteristic: “When did you last eat” He also scowls when she waves at her boss, and makes it perfectly clear that “everything she does is his concern”.
He then blatantly ignores her protests and pulls her on his lap while theyre in a moving car.
He also calls her “baby” and makes remarks such as “I like seeing you in this harness”, all while theyre still broken up.
Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen,
We are immediately bombarded with an abundant amount of “Oh my”, “Holy cow”, and Icarus comparisons.
This time around, we get them on several levels, like “oh fucking my” and “holy fucking cow”, You know, because variety is the spice of life,
We are also treated to another unhealthy dose of Christians jealousy:
“Youve spoken to José the man who, the last time I met him, was trying to push his tongue into your reluctant mouth while you were drunk and ill.
”
Oh, you mean that time you kidnapped her, took off her clothes, and slept in the same bed as her Yes, I remember.
And another dose of his controlling:
“Please, can we stay longer”
“No.
Go. Now. Say goodbye. ”
And a little more, in case you havent had enough:
“So help me God, Anastasia, if you dont eat, I will take you across my knee here in this restaurant, and it will have nothing to do with my sexual gratification.
Eat!”
It pisses me off that Christian still think he has the right to act like a massive asshat.
He gets violently angry whenever Ana so much as talks to another man, So when she actually hugs another guy, he feels the need to stalk up to them in a predatory way, claim his territory, and then get all possessive.
“You. Are. Mine. ” Remember, theyre technically still broken up, but hes never been a boundaries kind of guy, has he And Ana laps it up like the lap dog she is.
It is sickening that this behaviour is viewed as romantic by millions of women, There is nothing romantic about an aggressive douchecanoe who might as well piss on you to claim you as his.
So after he decides how long theyre staying at Josés photo show, he also decides that theyre going to a restaurant, which restaurant theyre going to, and exactly what theyre going to eat.
When Ana protests, he tells her to stop acting like a child,
sitelink
Instead of rambling on forever, heres another list of reasons why Christian Grey needs to be raped by a cactus:
His controlling behaviour is so disconcerting.
He buys the company Ana works for, Just because he can,
He still doesnt give a damn about what Ana thinks,
“If I leave and find another job, will you buy that company, too”
“Youre not thinking of leaving, are you”
“Possibly.
Im not sure youve given me a great deal of choice, ”
“Yes, I will buy that company, too, ”
“Hmm, well, this is one way to ensure you eat forcefeed you, I could get used to this, ”
From the moment theyre back together, he buys her a car again,
When she refuses the car, he deposits,dollars into her back account,
“How do you know my bank account number”
“I know everything about you, Anastasia.
”
Do I need to remind anyone that theyve known each other for a month
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“You are coming back to my apartment if I have to drag you there by your hair.
” Wow. Just wow.
When she still refuses to come back to his apartment, he picks her up and throws her over his shoulder, like a fucking child.
Hes so clingy this time around, Because she had the brain to leave him once before, hes constantly begging her not to leave him again.
Ever. As if I needed another reason to find him repugnant,
He has a fucking manila folder with all her information, He has her middle name, her birth certificate, her social security number, her employment records, yadda, yadda, NUTJOB.
“Its true that you are the only fuckedup, mercurial, control freak that I know, ”
How long will he want to do this without wanting to beat the crap out of me because I cross some arbitrary line
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Luckily, his sister Mia warns Ana:
“I hope Christian wins you, though.
. . We don't want a brawl, "
"Brawl" I answer horrified,
"Oh yes. He was very hotheaded when he was younger, ”
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He pays to have a doctor “come sort her out”, contraceptionwise.
Without her permission.
“Its my body,” I mutter, annoyed that he hasnt asked me,
“Its mine, too,” he whispers,
No. No. No, its really not.
“My natural inclination is to beat it out of you, ”
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“Dont be friendly with the staff or flirt with them.
I dont like it. ” Dont be such a douche, I dont like it. Youve got so many people
working for you, you ballbag, youd think a little appreciation here and there wouldnt go amiss.
Christian tells her that she cant go to work,
“Do you think I am going to stay here twiddling my thumbs while youre off being Master of the Universe”
“Frankly yes.
”
When she does eventually go to work albeit with a bodyguard, she mentions that shes going on a business meeting to New York with an overnight flight.
They argue over email, because of course Christian tells her she cant go, Then, when she books the flight anyway, he makes it so that all trips have to be approved by the senior board first.
You remember when Christian bought her company, so he could be even more of a controlling fucksicle than he already is.
The trip to New York is off, “Please dont be mad at me, I have your best interests at heart, ”
sitelink
Then, when she goes out to get lunch for her boss, he calls her up and yells at her for going out when he told her not to, even if it was justminutes.
Hes got people watching her when he cant watch her himself, Its fucking sick.
He asks her to move in with her after five weeks, Probably so the jackass has full control over everything she does,
He asks her to marry him after six, And suggests they have kids,
sitelink
“This is my revenge, Ana, Argue with me and I am going to take it out on your body somehow, ”
“Why, Miss Steele, I believe youre making my palm twitch, ” Because God forbid a woman actually makes decisions on her own, If you want someone to cater to your every whim, get a fucking blowup doll,
“Im a sadist, Ana, I like to whip little brownhaired girls like you because you all look like the crack whore my birth mother.
” Ladies and gentlemen, our pièce de résistance, Our cherry on top. I knew about this, but its still disgusting,
When he dumps that bucket of shit on her head and tells her that he gave his exsub a bath that morning, she gets all emotional and yells at him to leave her alone.
Naturally, he doesnt.
That night, he tries to have sex with her, She says, “Christian Stop, I cant do this. ” Naturally, he doesnt stop, It doesnt end up with rape, because of course she cannot resist him, Lucky him.
He has to hear from her every goddamn hour or he becomes worried,
Ana nearly gets raped at work, and instead of being a supportive boyfriend, Christian yells at her and calls her stupid for not using her Blackberry to email him.
Its not like Anastasia is any better, either, That woman is dumb as dirt, Every time she has the brain to get mad at him for his outrageous behaviour, he just shushes her with sex.
And she lets him, because she loves him, and because shes just as sexed up as he is.
You bloody daft cow. After everything theyve been through, all the threats, all the mood swings, she still calls him “the most compassionate man she knows”.
sitelink
I am getting sick and tired of her not knowing how goodlooking she is, as well as how special she is.
Shes got five men wanting her, And then theres this charity auction where they auction off first dances with the women, and the first three get four to five thousand, and of course Ana is auctioned off for one hundred thousand dollars.
Give me a fucking break,
And still she tries to portray how clever she is, with her passion for old books, and her Icarus references, and her Fifty Shades puns.
Yet she knows how fucked up Christian is Oh, Christian, what do I have to do to make you realize how I feel Let him beat you, my subconscious sneers at me, yet she stays with him.
The inner goddess chronicles
My inner goddess is doing a triple axel dismount off the uneven bars.
I hope you fall,
My inner goddess does three back flips over the gym floor,
My inner goddess grabs a rose between her teeth and starts to tango,
My inner goddess is draped in a pink feather boa and diamonds, strutting her stuff in fuckme shoes.
sitelink
There is absolutely zero plot in this book, Christian and Ana get back together, have sex, go to a charity auction, have sex, theres an exsub with a gun on the loose, have sex, take a boat ride, have sex, have sex on the piano, have sex, argue about whether Ana can or cannot go to work, have sex, at least three scenes where they just have breakfast together, have sex, force a proposal on her, have sex.
And when she is away from him and goes to work, she emails him constantly, And this goes on and on for over pages, Its enough to drive anyone mental, especially with the horrid writing, Everything is so repetitive and all the characters use the same words and the same expressions,
The reason they broke up at the end of the last book is because Christian gave Ana the beating of a lifetime and she discovered that BDSM wasnt her thing.
So when they get back together, they decide to do the vanilla sex, They have vanilla sex for three quarters of the book, They have sex every morning and every night, making every scene the same as the last, turning the book into one big twoperson orgy with scenes that all sound the same, and, frankly, quite boring.
I often sighed and went, “Again” Ana finally has what she wants Christian who knows how to behave himself a bit.
Only when he mentions that he doesnt feel the need to go all BDSM on her ass, she is disappointed.
MAKE UP YOUR MIND, WOMAN,
Anas best friend, Kate, is conveniently on vacation with Christians brother, which removes the only person to actually have common sense when it comes to Christian.
The subplot with the volatile exsub is highly anticlimactic I thought we hadnt reached Breaking Dawn yet and, frankly, she disappointed me by not shooting Ana or Christian.
We have several scenes of them confessing their eternal love for one another, usually with Ana crying, and its just too much to bear.
This book shouldve been called Fifty Cheeses Darker,
Theres also the fact that Ana is dating Christian, Kate is dating Christians brother Elliot, and Kates brother Ethan and Christians sister Mia are on the verge of dating.
This has the potential of turning into one big incestuous gangbang,
This book is so messed up, They keep throwing accusations at one another and become irrationally jealous because theyre both so afraid that the other will leave.
How about some goddamn trust in the one you want to marry You know, even if youve only known them for about three minutes.
Dont even get me started on the proposal after six weeks, They dont know anything about each other, Theyve already vowed their eternal love for one another, but they dont know how the other prefers their coffee or tea in the morning.
That is because, up until then, all they preferred in the morning was sex,
I am beyond done with this book, This has no redeeming qualities, It just sucks.
Christian and Ana, this ones for you,
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