of the best books I've read, As a child that grew up in a home with domestic violence, this book resonated with me on all levels!! The lies consumed me and I sought out many many therapists throughout mydecades of life.
Bravo Brian Martin for writing this book! What a God send for me! So many of my truths, you wrote about, I have highlighted so much in the book and wept many tears understanding the pain and truths of it all,
I am certain I will pick it up to read again and have shared many words in the book with my therapist, I was FORNUATE enough to be able to learn about this book through Smiley, com where I was giving the chance to review this on a mission by reading a free excerpt from the book, . to prevent and discuss Childhood Domestic Violence and the affects it has on children and their families, I read the excerpts and was amazed by the bravery the author Brian Martin had to write about such a sensitive and often times taboo topic.
Most people don't understand what goes on behind the scenes when someone grows up in a household of domestic volience and what a negative impact that could have on them growing up into adulthood.
The shame, guilt, confusion and pain all expressed by Brian Martin in this book Invincible, Brian says it best in the book "When you grow up with domestic violence, witnessing those you love tear each other down with physical and verbal blows, your brain doesnt know how to deal with that".
Thats EXACTLY true and it can be so difficult to seperate yourself from what you see into what is healthy, . It shatters my heart to read about the "worthlessness" one feels when they have spent their childhood watching such degrading behavior take place, The sheer courage to write this book is something we all can applaud, I have shared this with some loved ones of mine in whom I know have also had experiences with Domestic Violence, I hope it brings them some comfort to know there are others who have battled this affliction as well, . I am honored to have read part of this and look forward to reading the entire after I have purchased it, I was able to read part of this book for Smileyfor the purpose of this review, Growing up as a child of domestic abuse between my own father and mother and then again with my mother and stepfather, I completely connected with the book.
I would love to get this book and finish reading to see what other kids have gone through and learn how I can help kids.
It was a bit hard reading it because it brought back old memories but I look forward ot reading the whole thing, Can a childhood filled with violence and pain be transformed into one filled with strength, love and freedom
According to UNICEF as quoted in this books description, growing up with domestic violence is one of the most pervasive human rights violations in the world, affecting more than one billion people.
What are the impacts on those children who survive to adulthood Is it possible to somehow move beyond those impacts, and break out of what can so often become a selfperpetuating cycle of abuse When we think of abuse, we often think of physical violence.
But abuse takes many forms, and the effects of abuse are not always obvious,
For a child, witnessing domestic violence is as psychologically damaging as being physically abused,
In this book, Brian Martin himself a survivor of abuse sets out to uncover the ten lies that abused children learn to believe including how the abuse is their fault and their sense of guilt for not being able to save others.
Each chapter addresses one of these lies, and includes a path from the lie to its corresponding truth, What I particularly like about Mr Martins approach is that he provides an explanation for why and how the lie becomes accepted as truth, For example, we believe as children that we are responsible for the violence we lived with because while the emotional brain is fully developed, the neocortex the logical thinking centre of the brain is not fully developed until adulthood.
Over time, this belief becomes true and we do not challenge it,
Guilt driven people are manipulated by memories, They allow their past to control their future,
While those interested in but not personally directly affected by domestic violence as children may be able to read this book straight through, Id recommend that domestic violence survivors deal with one chapter at a time, and undertake the exercises suggested in each chapter, before moving to the next chapter.
While each chapter is important and has its own wisdom to impart, for me the reading order is less important than tackling and completing one chapter at a time.
And, for some of us, it may well be necessary to revisit some chapters more than once,
There is hope in this book: the possibility of learning how to break out of negative and selfdestructive cycles, For me personally, a key phrase is that: Between a stimulus and a response there is a gap in time, And that gap provides an opportunity to consider which response might be most appropriate for you to the stimulus, You may not be able to change the stimulus, but there may be a more appropriate response to it,
I would recommend this book to anyone who cares about their fellow human beings, If you were fortunate enough not to suffer as a consequence of childhood domestic violence, this book will help you to better understand some of the actions of those who have.
If you have suffered, this book will provide you with some very useful tools for taking control of your life rather than reacting to the pain of your past.
It takes courage to make changes,
Note: My review is based on an uncorrected galley proof which was provided to me prior to publication,
Jennifer CameronSmith
Very relevant and painfully true and empowering for adult children of domestic violence, Highly recommended I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review, but the opinions here are solely my own, I read the excerpt and was amazed at how many people are affected by Domestic Violence, Invincible is great for someone who has been affected or knows someone who has, because Brian Martin does a good job at showing that you are not alone and how others have dealt with and overcome the pain.
I personally haven't been affected and feel like Invincible would help others who haven't be able to learn how to help people who have, This would definitely be a great book to read fully through and I say this after reading only the first chapter of Brian Martins book.
I highly recommend it, and can see this book being used and talked about for many years to come,
I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review, but the opinions here are solely my own, I read the excerpt and was amazed at how many people are affected by Domestic Violence, I myself was a victim of domestic violence and I think he covered the subject very well, Recommend that others read this book, I wish I had a copy to give to all my clients: past, present and future, i was lucky enough to find out about this book through Smiley, I'm so glad I did! This is an amazing read amp I will be recommending it to everyone! Growing up I didn't know the things I went through weren't "normal".
While I realize now that my family definitely isn't that different from many others, not everyone lived with violence, My mother dealt with physical and verbal abuse for aboutyears of her marriage to my father, He did leave and during that time my mother grew strong enough that when he came back, she stood up to him, Domestic violence truly knows no bounds and happens in poor homes and rich homes, I think it was great read and really let me affirm that I wasn't alone, It would be great for adults to read as well as teens and even preteens if they are ready for it, Anyone who has dealt with domestic violence should read this, While I
received an excerpt of this book for free to read and review, all opinions are my own, Invincible: incapable of being overcome
“When you grow up living with domestic violence, witnessing those you love tear each other down with physical and verbal blows, your brain doesnt know how to deal with that.
”From the Foreword by Tony Robbins
According to UNICEF, growing up with domestic violence is one of the most pervasive human rights violations in the world, affecting more than a billion people.
Yet, too few people are aware of the profound impact it can have,
Invincible seeks to change this lack of awareness and understanding with a compelling look at this important issue, informing and inspiring anyone who grew up living with domestic violenceand those who love them, work with them, teach them, and mentor them.
Through powerful firstperson stories, including the authors own experiences, as well as insightful commentary based on the most recent social science and psychology research, Invincible not only offers a deeper understanding of the concerns and challenges of domestic violence, but also provides proven strategies everyone can use to reclaim their lives and futures.
What did you learn growing up with domestic violence Do you know how this has had an impact on your life How have you dealt with it
Today, are there certain things about yourself that you wish werent true Many of them arent.
They are lies you learned,
Invincible exposes the lies, reveals the truths, and offers the insight and the skills you need to go from feeling and acting:
Guilty to Free
Resentful to Compassionate
Sad to Grateful
Angry to Passionate
Hopeless to Guided
Worthless to Accomplished
Fearful to Confident
SelfConscious to Attractive
Unloved to Loved
The truth is, no obstacle you will ever face can compare to what you went through as a child and have already conquered.
The author is donating all net royalties to the Children of Domestic Violence Foundation CDV, I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review from Smiley, I have to say that this is a great book, After reading it and growing up in a household with domestic violence it touched many areas of my life, It is a great read for anyone on the outside looking in and for those who are unfortunately on the inside, Everyone knows someone affected by domestic violence, this book does a great job of helping you relate and help them as well as how they can help themselves.
As a girl who grew up living in domestic violence situations her whole life, I must say, this book is a revelation, I've had years and years of therapy which did not even touch the tip of the iceberg of problems I still face, However, after receiving this book in exchange for a review, I must say, THANK YOU for the opportunity to read this, It definitely touched my soul, I received this book for free from Smiley! Very helpful book and the first time I've ever seen a book about the actual children affected by DV.
There is emerging literature and support groups for children of alcoholic and dysfunctional families and zoom meetings and more and more literature starting to appear on "Adverse Childhood Experiences" and also "Trauma and the body".
But hardly anything yet on children who specifically helplessly witness domestic violence,
So THANK YOU Brian F, Martin for your warmth and compassion and all the good work you are doing!
The extract of the documentary "The Children Next Door" which can be found on the author's website under "Tools and Resources" opens with the emergency telephone call made by the little panicking traumatised girl while in the background her father is abusing her mother is absolutely harrowing, and I remember coming across that somewhere on youtube several years ago and it chilled me to the bone.
The little girl now grown up also shares her story in the book,
No child should ever have to witness domestic violence while they stand by powerless to do anything, They are helpless and traumatised for life, and to date there has hardly been any specific help or resources specially for them, So yes, kudos to Brian F, Martin for making a change by helping children of DV feel less isolated, guilty, worthless, ashamed and helpless,
God bless you Brian, you are much loved, I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review,
I have spent overyears volunteering at a domestic violence shelter for women and also worked with male abusers for overyears, It is rare that a book like this comes along that really grabs my attention where I just sit back and say "wow this author really understands the struggle".
I have to say that this was one of those books, I believe it to be an amazing tool that can be used to show people who have not suffered through domestic violence a complete picture as to how deeply it affects those that have.
I highly recommend this book, I received a free excerpt of Invincible for the purpose of my review, The Excerpt I read was great, Had no idea how badly children growing up seeing domestic violence first hand affect them, The piece I read actually took me back, I myself saw my mom become a victim, and never realized how it impacted my life until now, Although I have only read a small portion, my opinions of this book are VERY HIGH, I recommend this read to EVERYONE, This is a REAL and is happening everyday, Opinions aremy own. I was given this book by the publisher in exchange for an honest review,
You all know that I mostly read Young Adult books and am a pediatrician by trade, Both of these are reasons why I agreed to read this book because domestic violence is pervasive in our society, and I felt this was a topic that really needs to be highlighted.
After reading this book, I'm moved and want to share this book with everyone I know those who have had domestic violence in their childhood, and those who know people who have.
I think even the general public can learn from this book as well,
Brian F. Martin bravely reveals his own story of abuse as he opens up Invincible: TheLies You Learn Growing Up with Domestic Violence, and the Truths to Set you Free.
He has become very successful and wants to pass on his story to other survivors, Each chapter is about another lie these children learn to believe growing up with this history and how they can break out of the vicious cycle of abuse.
One factor that was key in this book was the fact that children are more affected by the abuse they see done to their loved ones than the abuse they suffer to their own bodies because they are overwhelmed with a sense of guilt that they were unable to "save" others.
This resonated with me because I never realized how much worse that was, although the public always seems more horrified by the bruises they can actually see.
I feel like anyone who has dealt with trauma, mild or severe, in their lives will be helped by the good tips in this book.
We've all had negative experiences, and although we may not have been directly abused or seen a loved one abused, no family is perfect, I wouldn't be surprised if everyone alive believed one of these lies in their lives, The tips Brian has provided to overcome these lies can be used by anyone, I personally have never been physically abused, but I could definitely identify with some of these lies and the stories that Brian shares of other abuse victims.
The setup of the book is very effective, seamlessly weaving personal stories with messages of hope and tips to break out of negative cycles, as well as providing data and medical evidence to back up his findings.
I found myself reading from cover to cover in a day, which actually hasn't even happened with fiction recently,
If I have anything negative to say about this book, it's that its scope may be too narrow, There is no doubt that this book is a personal letter to those who have been directly affected by physical or psychological abuse in their childhoods.
But I feel like this book is more universal than the author probably thought, Like I said above, I think that this can be applied to people who have seen others affected by abuse, and that medical professionals and those in schools can really be helped by this book.
Brian talks about the biggest reason that people break out of negative molds and their personal histories is by finding The One, the person who gives them hope and makes them realize that they aren't worthless and that they can become successful, powerful individuals who can change the lives of people around them in a positive manner.
In fact, I think that educating people on how they can be The One for others is such a valuable tool, Perhaps this is fodder for an entirely new book, I'd like to know how to identify children/adults who need our help, and how best to help them, because I know silence and not talking about things are a large way in how these people isolate themselves.
Overall, I think this is an extremely important book, and fills a niche that hasn't yet been filled, I laud Brian for his bravery and commitment in making other lives better, and I want him to continue writing books and articles to forward this powerful message.
.
Seize Invincible: The 10 Lies You Learn Growing Up With Domestic Violence, And The Truths To Set You Free Constructed By Tony Robbins Offered As Audio Books
Tony Robbins