Seize Becoming The Narcissists Nightmare: How To Devalue And Discard The Narcissist While Supplying Yourself Curated By Shahida Arabi Offered As Audio Books

lot of good information wrapped up in too many personal examples, I skimmed amp skipped through the sections of personal stories from contributors, There is a lot of useful information presented so it's worth the read for people who have had the unpleasant experience of dealing with someone with narcissistic traits, This is a very helpful read for anyone who is trying to move on and rebuild their life, having experienced an abusive relationship or a relationship with a narcissist,

Things I liked:
The author clearly researched extensively, I liked the mix of scientific/psychological points with emotional insights from the author and other survivors, She clearly knows how it feels to be an abusive cycle and this made the book a really validating read,
At the end of chapters she inserted insights from other survivors this was a good way of incorporating other peoples opinions and ideas into her work,

Things I did not like:
The research, while extensive, was over simplified at points, I think if theories and scientific research points are to be included, these should be included in more detail, so as to leave no doubt in the readers mind about the source and accuracy of the information.

I also felt there was an overuse of the word “victim”, If you, like me, do not like to victimise yourself or focus on that word, this book might be one to avoid,
Some of the advice was very self explanatory and almost patronising at points e, g. “practice a hobby!”, “go for a walk”,
I felt the book was messy in its division of chapters, I wish there was less information and less of, what felt like, page filling, This would have been a less patronising read, had there been less information but better organised and more concisely worded,

Overall: I really do appreciate the authors efforts in bringing this book together, I am sure this would be a validating read for many, She put feelings into words in a way I had failed to do for myself, I think this is more useful for those who are currently trying to leave such relationships or have just left, rather than for people who have already started and progressed in their healing journey.
I am abandoning this audio book for the following reasons:

I have read books and articles related to narcissism and NPD in the past, and I find that most of this material is repetitive.
If this is not the case with you, the book might still work for you,

There are way too many website referrals and links that the reader painfully reads out, which are extremely irritating and annoying and take quite a bit of space on the audio book, making an already long audio book even longer this is ahour audio book!.
At least on one occasion, in thepercent of the book that I heard, the author referred me to her website to read apoint something about narcissists, I already bought your book, didn't I why would you make me look up a website in the middle of an audio book I could well be on my walk, or a jog or in a gym, how am I going to be able to look up links in the middle of a routine Also, ironic this should happen in a book about narcissism.
The sort of manipulative trick a narcissist might pull, innit aight, that's too harsh, but still, you are pulling a fast one on me, You should include that information in the book rather than take the same amount of time reading outlinks out loud including every damn character, the whole entire spelling out really got my goat, How would you like it if i went, . hetch tea tea pee . colon forward slash , forward slash dubya dubya dubya and then read every dot and dash until it was all done fifteen times into your ear and gained nothing in the half an hour that it took your reader to finish reading the lot

Too many damn testimonials going on ad nauseam about the same thing over and over again.
The author quotes other authors way too often and at times reads entire articles by them when those damn links weren't being read out, The book lacks structure.

I was looking for a fresh perspective and insight into narcissism, This isn't it. Did not work for me, Sorry. This book was recommended to me by an acquaintance at a group meeting, It's the first book I read about narcissism, and the first few chapters certainly shook up my world, I knew my husband was abusive, but now I knew even more that he isn't going to change and possibly even can't change, I like how the author's goal is to support the "survivor" in all ways, She includes many resources, lots of accounts, and different voices, One reason I gave it only three was because some of the science the author references doesn't feel completely sound to me, Halfway through I set the book down to read some other resources on the topic, I like this book and I would recommend it, but I would advise another reader to make sure it's not your sole basis for understanding the issue, The book "The Object of my Affection is in my Reflection" gave a slightly different, and maybe more empathetic towards people on the narcissistic spectrum look at the situation, It helps to remember while reading this book, that all narcissists may not exhibit these high levels of pathology it is a type of spectrum, from what I can understand.
Figuring out what tactics your own narcissist uses and how to stop these tactics from harming you is key, Just labeling your narcissist a sociopath might help at first to get you out of denial, but there's other angles of this issue, And, there are different types of narcissists, My husband, although I still fully believe he's a narcissist, does seem able at times to at least show that he cares about our son, Although he devalues me and uses mind games on me any tiny chance he gets, he does take care of our son sometimes and he shows up on time when he agrees to it.
Now, getting him to schedule a time and arranging this is pretty much up to me and can take many days of torturous planning, but I still can choose to look at the good side.
Maybe I'll see this differently in hindsight, but today I have to at least be thankful that my son at least at this young age doesn't seem to be in harms way when he's with his dad.
If my husband chooses to use his "good dad" mask, or chooses to try to be a good person when he's around my son once every few months, wonderful! I'm so glad that my son doesn't have to be around to see the house of horrors I know is lurking right underneath the surface.
Eye opening

I brought this book for a friend as a gift and then decided to read it myself after they encouraged me too, I thought I had my eyes open and I did but this book opened them some more, Lots of useful and helpful information for dealing with and getting out of this type of abuse, Useful information if your trying to help and understand someone who is trying to get out too, Loved the chapter on healing techniques near the end has everything you need to know and more immense amount of information packed within this book, Goes into alternative and traditional methods too, Quick review for a long read seriously, this audiobook is overhours long, I listened to it for days of commutes, . This book has so much meat for information to it that it may take a while to digest all that it has to offer, particularly for

the better points the narrative makes on recovery, gaslighting, triangulation, and an understanding of narcissists and how harmful they can be to people who are subjected to their abusive behaviors.
There are a number of helpful notations in this book on a psychological, selfhelp, social study, and referential level, Citing from multiple sources, personal stories, essays, among other referential material Arabi's "Becoming the Narcissist's Nightmare" delves into surviving abuse in the mix of relationships with those who have Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
It's not just the author who's reflecting in the narrative, but multiple contributors who have a combination of their own impassioned stories and research/ruminations to share,

Something that bothered me about this narrative is that it can be unnecessarily repetitious and general in the advice it gives at times, It took a long time to get to the heart of the material, even from the beginning because the author went too long with the paring down of narcissists as "emotional leeches" among other cut downs.
Granted, I get this narrative comes from a personal and oftentimes painful place, but the narration could've been better streamlined to give the narrative more weight for delivering vital pieces of information as a selfhelp guide.
It was frustrating pushing through the narration though I liked the audio narrator just to get to pieces of information that I found helpful for practical application and learning about the psychological currents of this disorder.
Don't get me wrong, this book has helpful advice, but it's often counteracted by the lack of streamlining, There are certain moments when the narrative loses its focus on the topic and goes down a tangent that doesn't recover for a while,

I went back and forth on whether to give thisor,stars. It's one of the few books that I've picked up in mainstream guides on Narcissistic Personality Disorder in my research of various personality disorders and how they affect close relationships, but it wouldn't be the only one I would use as a goto reference.
While it provides a lot of material and helpful advice, it may not be specific or exact enough for those who are in recovery and need something quick to find resources they're looking for.


Overall score:/stars, Having read this book and the odd claims made therein, I consider Ms, Arabi either dangerously uninformed or as malicious as she makes cluster B personalities specifically the favorite loathed ones: narcissists and antisocials out to be,

Ms. Arabis labors under the impression that not all abusers are cluster B personalities, but all cluster B personalities are abusers, Remember who first made such a claim, and ever since it spiraled That's right, George W. Bush said that "not all muslims are terrorists but all terrorists are muslims, "
Hyperbole disguised as science due to a few sources, quotes and titles thrown in to both name drop and humblebrag at the same time is what you'll find in this book.

Cluster B's don't feel at all or only have shallow emotions, they have zero empathy she does know it's a spectrum, right!, are all sadists without exception, rhyme nor reason, cannot change, don't want to change, are fully aware of who and what they are and do, deserve no empathy, deserve to be publicly abused, bullied, shunned and probably nixed from the planet.
Because that's virtually the only solution if you subscribe to everything Arabi writes,
There's so much wrong here, I don't know where to start, And she could have done better, because she even mentions Sam Vaknin several times, although she refers to him as a "selfproclaimed narcissist," which always rings like, "He's just pretending.
" Why on earth would he do that! Oh yeah, Probably because if she had to concede that he had NPD, her card house of a "book" would collapse, Because get this: Sam Vaknin is prosocial! Selfaware! He's not a supernatural monster out to harm anyone and everyone! Omg, someone alert authorities, The audacity.
There's a growing movement among cluster B personalities that strive not only to become selfaware but also redirect some of their more destructive impulses, Sam Vaknin isn't the only one to educate neurotypicals about what living with a cluster B personality disorder is like, Look up Lee Hammock aka Demond Hammock on YouTube or TikTok,
But of course if those who overidentify with victimhood or survivorhood did so, they might realize one thing: A surprising amount of those whom you'll find raging on in victim groups actually qualify as cluster B personalities themselves.
Often they are undiagnosed borderlines or vulnerable, insecure, or covert narcissists, Who, of course, are not only unaware but project their deepseated, unconscious selfhatred onto what they themselves are: disordered,
This doesn't count for every victim and every victim group of course, And there's the difference between people like me, who'll easily concede that, and them, who claim that all cluster B's are virtually unbridled beasts,

My favorite part in Arabi's book is something I already alluded to: Her picture me laughing so hard here my shoulders are shaking stating "with a resounding no" that narcissists and "sociopaths" are NOT victims themselves and deserve no empathy or any kind of human consideration.
On a side note: You know, for someone pretending to know something about psychology, it's actually embarrassing to still use terms long abandoned by the medical community, but okay, It's antisocial personality, factoror, with the possible addition of "with psychopathic traits, "
We're entering Hitler territory here, To be fair, it's not just Hitler who did this, plenty of tyrants and dictators have done this to not only vilify a whole group of people but to dehumanize them entirely to make justifiable any and all atrocities directed towards them.

So in short: Yes, Cluster B's overwhelmingly were abused and/or neglected during childhood, There are exceptions to the rule, and there's even the exact opposite where someone was praised beyond what is even just remotely realistic, and this, too, may cause grandiosity to whichever degrees.
Even in that case, though, the fear to have to live up to this hype, the stress of it, is something that is very real to someone growing up,
You've heard the phrase "hurt people hurt people," and that is often the case with any personality disorder, regardless of the cluster, If you seek out groups of selfaware cluster B's in therapy, you'll very swiftly see them break down for you that they do, indeed feel, In some cases, yes, it's more shallow, and in some cases that shallowness is only a mask, they keep emotions and empathy at bay because they were abused by primary caregivers.
So as always, it's not all black and white,
But Ms. Arabi lacks that insight and also admits by her own writing that she only fished in the pond of the real and likely alleged survivors/victims pool, She never did her due diligence by researching the other side, All she offers is that apparently she had PLENTY of narcissistic and "sociopathic" exes, Isn't that quaint. You know what they say when someone claims all their exes are crazy, right, . .
In short: Ms. Arabi is no better than the group of people she attacks, Are there dangerous and disordered people out there who enjoy tormenting others, are callous, sadistic and cruel Absolutely, It's important to be able to identify them and come to a conscious decision whether to go "no contact," or work out solutions in how to interact with them, For instance, if you work with or for someone like this, you may not be able to simply leave, It's also important to hold yourself accountable, and this is another issue with Ms, Arabi, who thinks that this constitutes "victimblaming, " Codependency is sometimes created by attachment hunger stemming from unresolved childhood trauma, sometimes from an abusive partner, But it IS a problem, One that the codependent themselves must address and heal or remain a victim and vulnerable to people who seek to exploit them for various unsanitary purposes,

Selfaccountability is NOT abusive, But this book is. It will feed all the wrong people namely the gullible, or codependent, or covertly narcissistic, as most of these types of books do, This book is an angry book, and it is a partly hateful book, It disguises itself as selfhelp, but really, it's simply nonsense, Unscientific, ironically very narcissistic nonsense, .