Get Your Hands On Rock Needs River: A Memoir About A Very Open Adoption Articulated By Vanessa McGrady Provided As Textbook

disappointed that this was my first completed read of the year! I am glad that it was a free read via Amazon's Kindle First program because I cannot imagine wanting to spend money on this fluff piece.


The book blurb suggests a "funny" and "witty" story of a mother'syear wait to adopt and then the surprise twist of taking her baby's birth parents into her home when they end up homeless.
It takes FIVE CHAPTERS to actually get to the "adoption" part of the storythose five chapters are an absolutely boring, selfabsorbed account of the author's life wandering from city to city and a weirdly specific list of exboyfriends, their names, a short recount of her relationship with each man, and a final explanation on why the relationship didn't last.
Background details of the author for a memoir is fine, but this part meandered for way too long and didn't actually add anything to the story.
Talking about her shaky relationship with her parents and how that affected her own parenting years later is relevant and I wish she'd spent more time on that instead of on her former random relationships.


After she takes her baby's birth parents into her house we see she is compassionate, I think she really is, but she basically throws job applications and money at the young couple and can't figure out why "nothing ever comes of it.
" Clearly there's something more going on in the lives of this young couple that is keeping them from truly getting the help they need but unfortunately there's never really any explanation of what it could be.
Frustratingly, towards the end of the book the author sits down for an interview with the couple after they've

moved to another state and she spends a paragraph talking about how they revealed feeling totally sidelined in the adoption and were treated badly by the adoption agency, hospital workers, and other people involved.
And that's it! Just a paragraph! Here is where I feel like we could have gotten more into the lives of these birth parents and maybe explored bias in the system and laws or procedures that favor either birth or adoptive parents and shed more light on the issues the birth parents dealt with and how that may have affected their trust in all charitable agencies years later, but no.


The actual story part of this memoir would have been better as a magazine article or essay, There is so much rambling, irrelevant information in this book that really feels like it's there just to bring it up to the right page count to be published as a book.
I wouldn't read it again, Not a fan

Rather than being a real story about open adoption, this was more the progressive feminist diatribe of a narcissist.
All relationships revolved around the author and her point of view, I found it disturbing. Alright guys this is going to be a lot of ranting, so buckle up! It might be a bumpy ride,

This book was touted as
"Vanessas love letter to her daughter, one that illuminates the universal need for connection and the heroines journey to find her tribe"
and
"A touching memoir about a mother who welcomes more than a new daughter into her home"

This ended up being
: A parade of the author's ex boyfriends, in semirelation of how the uathor decided she wanted to become a mother.

: Learning about the adoption system, and adoptiong her daughter, Thsi is where we meet both the daughter, Grace, and Grace's bio parents, Bridgett and Bill,
: Bridgett and Bill move into Vanessa
: Reflections on Bridgett and Bill moving in and out of their lives,
: Vanessa decides to write about the adoption experience, We learn more about Bill and Bridgett, Vanessa has musings, anecdotes, and reflections on adoption,

Eek. This ended up being a garbled mess of a story, The adoption part didn't even start until over halfway through the book, and I wanted so much more out of it, The author and adoptive mother seemed kindhearted, but in a very face value way, So many passive aggressive anecdotes here and there, She is selfadmittedly flawed, but man I don't think she really "gets it", She is obviously privileged stating in one sentence "my clunky leather Frye boots finding their footing along the smooth river rocks" essentially bragging about her nice boots then complaining that Bill sold the stroller that the hospital gave them foron craigslist.
even through they NO LONGER HAD A BABY/ a need for a stroller, So privileged without even realizing it,

Also she basically judges everyone else, and their stories, She knows the flaws in people, but then gets mad at them when they don't change, She "welcomes" Bill and Bridgett in, but then gets mad at them when they don't appreciate or change to her lifestyle choices, One thing that really upset me is that she stated as a fact that "Open adoption is better, anyway, for the mental health of all involved.
". Yes, there has been research done that open adoption can be helpful for the parties involved but to call yourself "better" because you did it No.
That is not ok.

To give the author credit, she is obviously well researched, educated, and has some insightful bits, The ending reflections I felt was the best part, and there were some nuggets of actual vulnerability here and there but for the most part: this was a superficial storytelling of selfjustification.
GNAB Rock Needs River is an intriguing memoir about Vanessa McGrady's very open adoption of her daughter Grace, And as traumatic as it was, as all 'transplants' are, the honest and very transparent way this adoption went has to be better than secretive way most adoptions in my day were handled.
So many questions that adoptees need answers to are literally just facts of life,

It can't have been easy for any of the adults in this memoir to be this frank and open about their feelings concerning the adoption.
I am grateful that they were able to share those emotions such a life altering decision would naturally arise, It would be interesting to see something from Grace's perspective as she grows up, but this memoir alone was enough to make me a believer in open adoptions.


I received a free electronic copy of this novel Februaryth,from Netgalley, Vanessa McGrady, and Little A Publishers in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you all for sharing your hard work with me,

pub date Feb,
Little A Publishers,Stars

I don't know what I was expecting from this book about an open adoption, I think I was just being nosey and wanted to see how everyone reacted.


I don't think this is exactly what was promised in the blurb, but I really enjoyed it, It left me thinking about everyone involved in an open adoption, their back stories etc, I think its clear that this is a biased portrayal of the situation as it is written from the point of view of the adoptive mother, and her interpretations of how everyone feels/behaves and the other parents have their negative qualities put out there whilst she can hide her own.
At times this can be uncomfortable but it made me think, I came across this book as a free download from Amazon Prime, I almost bailed justpages in mostly due to swearing but decided to stick with it because it was describing a life and circumstances foreign to my own life and circumstances.
While somewhat interesting, I found the writing and pacing weak, The author tries to be open and vulnerable, but her self analysis more often swings towards justification and rationalization than true awareness, Some of her life mottos are completely different from the type of motto Id want in my own life,.Stars
I didnt seek out this book, I got it free from Amazon and read it because one of my goals is to read more nonfiction, I didnt love the writing in the book and felt like the writer couldnt decide between being conversational and formal, But I did like the story and enjoyed hearing finally, . . it took a while!! how she came to adopt her daughter, Im not sure Im a strong enough person to handle the open adoption the way she did and certainly admire her strength and unconditional love for her daughter!! Vanessas story is exceptional but its her writing that pulls you in close and keeps you there.
I opened the book expecting to read a few pages to see what I was getting into and closed it three hours later on the last page.
Amazon Kindle First for January

I picked this as I was hoping for some insight into open adoption of which I have no experience or understanding.
If thats what you are looking for forget it with this book, It was aboutin before adoption was even mentioned as it was more memoir of a not especially interesting life as Vanessa went from partner to partner.
I felt empathy with her miscarriages as Ive been there myself and I applaud people who give a loving home to adopted children, However, the remainingwas at times a rambling story which covered a number of issues and IMO not enough on the open adoption, I also think its way too early to judge what effect Graces biological parents have on her as they flit in and out of her life.
To describe them as flaky is to do them a favour, Who can say what the impact will be by the time Grace enters the difficult world of teenage years

I was really disappointed and I feel the blurb is misleading.
.