advices a man can get This is the only self help book you need, Find 'The Best of Chesterfield's Letters', I revisit it more often than I have any other book, Practical, brilliant, timeless. This isin topbooks of all times for me, Not originally intended for publication, the celebrated and controversial correspondences between Lord Chesterfield and his son Philip, dating from, were praised in their day as a complete manual of education, and despised by Samuel Johnson for teaching "the morals of a whore and the
manners of a dancingmaster.
" Reflecting the political craft of a leading statesman and the urbane wit of a man who associated with Pope, Addison, and Swift, Lord Chesterfield's Letters reveal the author's political cynicism, his views on good breeding, and instruction to his son in etiquette and
the worldly arts.
The only annotated selection of this breadth available in paperback, these entertaining letters illuminate the fascinating aspects of eighteenthcentury life and manners, Amazing book packed with father's genuine affection to his son, practical advice, medieval etiquettes, andth century politics, Many of the ideas in this book can be considered obsolete but in general the eerie feeling that your fathers loves you and wants you to be successful can be felt while reading this book.
Kind of sad. Goes to show that smart parents can have mediocre children and no amount of advice will help, Suaviter in modo, fortiter in re,
Trying to educate your son through letters is not exactly my kind of parenting but taking in consideration this happened in the XVIII century is a great opportunity to understand and compare the modus vivendi and unfortunately I discovered that civilisation didn't made much progress in the last three hundred of years.
The education starts from "Sapere est principium et fons" Knowledge is the foundation and the source in order to obtain "suaviter in modo, fortiter in re" gentle in manner, strong in performance and it goes thru all the classics and off course the peculiarities of that century in Europe.
I should have read it when I was in my's, maybe i would "Amoto quaeramus seria ludo" pursue serious matters, put aside play at an earlier stage in life.
This was a reread for me of the book from a series I read back inin andhalfth Century survey, I guess I'll give it that date,
My object is to have you fit to live which, if you are not, I do not desire that you should live at all,
When we meet at Spa, next July, we must have a great many serious conversations in which I will pour out all my experience of the world, and which, I hope, you will trust to, more than to your own young notions of men and things.
You will, in time, discover most of them to have been erroneous and, if you follow them long, you will perceive your error too late but if you will be led by a guide, who, you are sure, does not mean to mislead you, you will unite two things, seldom united, in the same person the vivacity and spirit of youth, with the caution and experience of age.
You know I have often told you, that my affection for you was not a weak, womanish one and, far from blinding me, is makes me but more quick sighted, as to your faults those it is not only my right, but my duty, to tell you of and it is your duty and your interest to correct them.
To His Son,
I therefore most earnestly desire, for your own sake, . . at least six hours every morning, uninterruptedly, may be inviolably sacred to your studies,
For it signifies nothing to read a thing once, if one does not mind and remember it, To His Son,
To know the thoughts of others is of use, because it suggests thoughts to ones self, and helps one to form a judgement but to repeat other peoples thoughts, without considering whether they are right or wrong, is the talent only of a parrot, or at most a player.
To his Son, Thursday
There is no surer sign in the world of a little, weak mind, than inattention, Whatever is worth doing at all, is worth doing well and nothing can be well done without attention, To His Son,
I have often, of late, reflected what an unhappy man I must now have been, if I had not acquired in my youth some fund and taste of learning.
What could I have done with myself at this age, without them I must, as many ignorant people do, have destroyed my health and faculties by sotting away the evenings or, by wasting them frivolously in the tattle of womens company, must have exposed myself to the ridicule and contempt of those very women or, lastly, I must have hanged muyself, as a man once did, for weariness of putting on and pulling off his shoes and stockings every day.
My books, and only my books, are now left me: and I daily find what Cicero says or learning to be true: Haec studia says he adolescentiam alunt, senectutem oblectant, secundas res ornant, adversis persugium ac solatium præbent delectant domi, non impediunt foris pernoctant nobiscum, peregrinantur, rusticantur/.
To His Son,
I am, at this time, acquainted with many elderly people, who have all passed their whole lives in the great world, but with such levity and inattention, that they know no more of it now, than they did at fifteen.
To His Son,
Remember to make a great difference between companions and friends for a very complaisant and agreeable companion may, and often does, prove a very improper and a very dangerous friend.
To His Son,
Have a real reserve with almost everybody and have a seeming reserve with almost nobody for it is very disagreeable to seem reserved, and very dangerous not to be so.
To His Son,
Never think of entertaining people with your own personal concerns or private affairs though they are interesting to you they are tedious and impertinent to everybody else besides that, one cannot keep ones own private affairs too secret.
To His Son,
Having mentioned laughing, I must particularly warn you against it: and I could heartily wish, that you may often be seen to smile, but never heard to laugh while you live.
Frequent and loud laughter is the characteristic of folly and in manners it is the manner in which the mob express their silly joy at silly things and they call it being merry.
In my mind, there is nothing so illiberal, and so illbred, as audible laughter, True wit, or sense, never yet made anybody laugh they are above it: They please the mind, and give a cheerfulness to the countenance, But it is low buffoonery, or silly accidents, that always excite laughter and that is what people of sense and breeding should show themselves above, . . a plain proof, in my mind, how low and unbecoming a thing laughter is: not to mention the disagreeable noise that it makes, and the shocking distortion of the face that it occasions.
But it is by no means so with the mind, which, at your age particularly, requires great and constant care, and some physic, Every quarter of an hour, well or ill employed, will do it essential and lasting good or harm, It requires, also, a great deal of exercise, to bring it to a state of
health and vigour,
People are, in general, what they are made, by education and company, from fifteen to fiveandtwenty soncisder well, therefore, the importance of your next eight or nine years your whole depends upon them.
Were most historical events traced up to their true causes, I fear we should not find them much more noble or disinterested than Luther's disappointed avarice and therefore I look with some contempt upon those refining and sagacious historians, who ascribe all, even the most common events, to some deep political cause whereas mankind is made up of inconsistencies, and no man acts invariably up to his predominant character.
The wisest man sometimes acts weakly, and the weakest sometimes wisely, Our jarring passions, our variable humors, nay, our greater or lesser degree of health and spirits, produce such contradictions in our conduct, that, I believe, those are the oftenest mistaken, who ascribe our actions to the most seemingly obvious motives and I am convinced, that a light supper, a good night's sleep, and a fine morning, have sometimes made a hero of the same man, who, by an indigestion, a restless night, and rainy morning, would, have proved a coward.
Our best conjectures, therefore, as to the true springs of actions, are but very uncertain and the actions themselves are all that we must pretend to know from history, That Caesar was murdered by twentythree conspirators, I make no doubt: but very much doubt that their love of liberty, and of their country, was their sole, or even principal motive and I dare say that, if the truth were known, we should find that many other motives at least concurred, even in the great Brutus himself.
I have always observed that the most learned people, that is, those who have read the most Latin, write the worst and that distinguishes the Latin of gentleman scholar from that of a pedant.
A gentleman has, probably, read no other Latin than that of the Augustan age and therefore can write no other, whereas the pedant has read much more bad Latin than good, and consequently writes so too.
He looks upon the best classical books, as books for schoolboys, and consequently below him but pores over fragments of obscure authors, treasures up the obsolete words which he meets with there, and uses them upon all occasions to show his reading at the expense of his judgment.
The height of abilities, is to have volto sciolto and pensieri stretti that is, a frank, open, and ingenuous exterior, with a prudent and reserved interior,
Loud laughter is the mirth of the mob, who are only pleased with silly things for true wit or good sense never excited a laugh, since the creation of the world.
Form yourself, with regard to others, upon what you feel pleases you in them,
Do not mistake, and think that these graces which I so often and so earnestly recommend to you, should only accompany important transactions, and be worn only 'les jours de gala' no, they should, if possible, accompany every, the least thing you do or say for, if you neglect them in little things, they will leave you in great ones.
I should, for instance, be extremely concerned to see you even drink a cup of coffee ungracefully, and slop yourself with it, by your awkward manner of holding it,
I am also very well pleased to hear that you have such a knowledge of, and taste for curious books and scarce and valuable tracts, This is a kind of knowledge which very well becomes a man of sound and solid learning, but which only exposes a man of slight and superficial reading therefore, pray make the substance and matter of such books your first object, and their titlepages, indexes, letter, and binding, but your second.
It is the characteristic of a man of parts and good judgment to know, and give that degree of attention that each object deserves, Whereas little minds mistake little objects for great ones, and lavish away upon the former that time and attention which only the latter deserve,
In my opinion, a warm and lively genius, with a cool constitution, is the perfection of human nature,
Due attention to the inside of books, and due contempt for the outside, is the proper relation between a man of sense and his books,
but remember, in economy, as well as in every other part of life, to have the proper attention to proper objects, and the proper contempt for little ones.
A strong mind sees things in their true proportions a weak one views them through a magnifying medium, which, like the microscope, makes an elephant of a flea: magnifies all little objects, but cannot receive great ones.
A man of sense soon discovers, because he carefully observes, where, and how long, he is welcome and takes care to leave the company, at least as soon as he is wished out of it.
Fools never perceive where they are either illtimed or illplaced,
Englishman. Well, then, good night to you you have no objection, I hope, to my being drunk tonight, which I certainly will be,
Stanhope. Not in the least nor to your being sick tomorrow, which you as certainly will be and so good night, too,
Leave them to their ignorance and to their dirty, disgraceful vices, They will severely feel the effects of them, when it will be too late, Without the comfortable refuge of learning, and with all the sickness and pains of a ruined stomach, and a rotten carcass, if they happen to arrive at old age, it is an uneasy and ignominious one.
Proverbial expressions and trite sayings and the flowers of the rhetoric of a vulgar man,
The world is taken by the outside of things, and we must take the world as it is you or I cannot set it right,
Words are the dress of thoughts which should no more be presented in rags, tatters, and dirt, than your person should,
Few men can be men of pleasure, every man may be a rake,
As for Operas, they are essentially too absurd and extravagant to mention,
But I am now privileged by my age to taste and think for myself, and not to care what other people think of me in those respects an advantage which youth, among its many advantages, hath not.
It must occasionally and outwardly conform, to a certain degree, to establish tastes, fashions, and decisions, A young man may, with a becoming modesty, dissent, in private companies, from public opinions and prejudices: but he must not attack them with warmth, nor magisterially set up his own sentiments against them.
Endeavor to hear, and know all opinions receive them with complaisance form your own with coolness, and give it with modesty,
However, I bear my misfortune better than I believe most other people would whether from reason, philosophy, or constitution, I will not pretend to decide, If I have no very cheerful, at least I have no melancholy moments, Books employ most of my hours agreeably and some few objects, within my own narrow circle, excite my attention enough to preserve me from ennui, To Solomon Dayrolles,
I go very little into company, being very little fit for any,
This is the season of wellbred lies indiscriminately told by all to all, To Solomon Dayrolles,
I remember so long ago as when I was at Cambridge, whenever I read pieces of eloquence and indeed they were my chief study whether ancient or modern, I used to write down the shining passages, and then translate them, as well and as elegantly as ever I could if Latin or French, into English if English, into French.
This, which I practiced for some years, not only improved and formed my style, but imprinted in my mind and memory the best thoughts of the best authors,
Human nature is the same everywhere, the modes only are different, To His Godson and Heir, to be delivered after his own death,