Gain Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers The Wisdom Of French Parenting Formulated By Pamela Druckerman Conveyed As Interactive EBook

known as "French children don't throw food", One of the best parenting books I've ever read, and entertaining as well! I actually took notes and have been trying some things out.
I love the author's attitude and I can see a lot of logic in many of the French ideas, But regardless, I really enjoyed reading the story of this family!
Loved!! A nondry parenting book! Obsessed, Channeling my inner French woman with this bebe! Let me start by saying that I could write a doctoral thesis on this book.
You know, if I were a lot smarter and still in school and hadn't had to look up how to spell "thesis".


Let's also start from a premise in which I have no children, The four small people wandering around my home are a tribe of nomads and they are just passing through so I have no dog in this fight regarding the best way to raise children.
Because I don't have four of them so my self worth isn't riding on the outcome of this debate,

If it is safe to assume that an American journalist married to a European journalist and living in Paris while writing her book on comparative cultural attitudes toward marital infidelity would lean to the left of the political center then you would not be surprised to find her writing a book that celebrates the parenting styles of the the French while eschewing those of Americans.
So, what is surprising is the part where Druckerman takes to task the more "liberal" aspects of American attitudes toward child rearing and promotes what appears to be a more conservative paradigm.


What is also surprising is that for a book whose title and cover give the appearance of being a light hearted frolic through the streets of Paris this is actually a thoroughly researched book that covers a range of parenting topics from basic nutrition to Rousseau to "poop sausage".
Which, frankly, is a progression that makes perfect sense to me,

I loved this book in spite of its many criticisms of what was my personal devotion to the Dr.
Sears School of Attachment Parenting and in spite of its celebration of the working mother, a lifestyle of which I know nothing and a topic which I find to be complicated and uncomfortable to discuss.
There is no mention of homeschooling,

I think I was so open to it not because I'm typically open to criticism but because Druckerman has a rare ability to criticize a thing without belittling it.
This is not to say that she doesn't take sides or see superiority in one thing over another, She doesn't appear reasonable by remaining neutral, She just takes the ego and emotion out of her argument, It really is that simple if not that easy, I also appreciated that she made clear that when she talked of American and French methods of parenting she was referring to IDEALS and not always to the practical application of said ideals.


Even though I was an attachment parenting groupie when I had infants, I quickly dismissed the Sears approach to toddlers and older children.
Without knowing it, I had adopted a French way of parenting with a heavy dose of German Luftwaffe commander, I agree that children require and desire clearly demarcated and enforced boundaries, I don't think kids should hit their parents this is apparently not a hanging offense in the Druckerman home and I do insist that "I get to decide" on the rules for my home.
I do not believe in praising mediocre work of any kind and rarely gush over anything my children do, I don't think children have fragile egos that can be crushed that easily and am more concerned that false praise is no more than erecting a rickety scaffolding around their sense of selfworth.
In that way and in many others, I agree with the French ideal of parenting,

But there are contradictions, While much is made of the French obsession with eating and serving the best quality and freshest food, they appear to see no issues with giving their infants one of the most processed foods known to man: infant formula.
Over the years, I've softened my position on the need to breast feed but I don't think it serves the debate well to pretend that infant formula is a "whole food".
The contradiction is not resolved because it really can't be,

The criticism of American nuttiness when it comes to overachievement and obsessive microparenting is important, Does it seem funny that a home school mom would be critical of "helicopter parents" It might, But maybe not if you watched our day, My children tend to work independently, I give the lesson and walk away, I don't hover. I don't follow them at the park narrating their play, In fact, if they come over to my bench my reaction tends to be, depending upon my mood, mildly dismissive to openly hostile.
Park time is for them to go play away from me and for me to sit and read without interruption.
I agree with those in the book who think parents spend too much time organizing and interfering in their children's minute to minute existence while somehow remaining tremendously aloof from what their children are being taught in school.


And there are other contradictions and criticisms, You'll have to find them for yourself, You won't be sorry. It is truly as funny and engaging as it is thought provoking and you don't have to come out on one side or the other.



Let me first say, that I am not a parent, Nor do I intend to become a parent in the near future, I would like to have children within the next four or five years, but am in no rush within that time frame.
So I know how odd it might seem for a nonparent to read a parenting book,

The reason I decided to read this book is based, in large part, on my own fear of parenthood.
In a recent discussion with my mother she was horrified to learn that I had lived most of my life with a fear of having children.
I had heard over and over that having a child meant the end of your life as you know it and of course, to a degree that is true.
This fear even carried over when one of my best friends announced she was pregnant, I had heard for years that having children meant you stopped being you, and started being a mother.
You stopped having friends, because you didn't have time to do or be anything other than a mother, You lost the intimacy with your partner, You ceased to be an individual and became an ideal, And, if you decided to have a life away from your children you were selfish, you weren't living your life with your children as the center of your universe.
Wave goodbye to sleep, you won't do it for a few years, Tantrums at any given time Perfectly normal, no matter how embarrassing,

These ideas were supported by media which describe mothers who are tired, haggard, in illfitting and unattractive clothes and ratsnest hair, who deny their husbands intimacy, are unable to enjoy a meal with friends, and can't even shower or use the restroom uninterrupted.
This is a terrifying, dreary picture for a young girl though excellent birth control, And one my mother swears she never meant to paint, But nonetheless, as a woman now becoming interested in having a family, shaking off this picture of the American mother was hard.
Would I be giving up everything I love and am to create a tiny human who would in turn make me miserable American mommywar parenting says yes.
But Druckerman, who obviously grew up with a similar picture of motherhood, learned that the French said no, The French are, by and large, as horrified by this picture as I am,

And that is why I read this book, because of the comfort it gave me in realizing that I'm not alone in thinking the current state of mommymartyrdom is insane and unhealthy.
I read this book in three days, and came away from it with a sense of relief, I don't have to give up a strong relationship with my partner for the sake of my children, in fact it's quite the opposite.
Your marriage should be a priority, As one French woman says "You can't choose your children, but you chose your husband, "

I always felt the need to defend my personal ideas on parenting, after all I'm not a mother, so what could I know But in a twist of validation I read that my ideas aren't so far fetched, that they are common practice in France.
Don't cater to your child's every whim at dinner, expect them to eat what you eat That's not barbaric as some online mommy forums would say, it's much more healthy than allowing children to limit their palates this is a fear of mine as my partner has become an adult with severely limited food tolerance based on a childhood of being fed separate "kids" food.
Don't rush to them immediately during the night at the slightest whimper Why, some American parenting experts call this abandonment and negligence.
Carve out a space that is just for you and your partner, such as your bed Certain "attachment parenting" guru's call this cruel, advocating for a baby that clings to you at all times.


This book was a wonderful, refreshing reassurance that it is totally possible to have a life where you are you, not only a mother.
Where you are a spouse, a friend, and most importantly an individual, And by continuing to be exactly who you are, only adding another element to the mix that is uniquely you, your children won't be horrible screwups.
In fact, they might even prefer it, I loved this book and most of the advice, I do think think that 'the pause' is enacted way too early and, although I agree with a feeding schedule, four times a day isn't enough for an infant in my opinion.
I love how the French teach their children the importance of Bonjour, Merci, Au Revior, as well as how they introduce them to food and get them involved in the kitchen.
Some of the reviewers lambasted the author for depicting the parenting styles of upperclass Parisians as 'out of touch' with how the French really raise their children but so what If that's what she's depicted then it should be considered as a peek into the lives of upperclass Parisians.
It doesn't make the information presented any less interesting or valuable, At any rate, I couldn't put this book down, and I have lots of take aways that I'll use in the future.
Ein Kollege hat mir schon vor einiger Zeit dieses Buch wärmstens empfohlen, es sei DER Erziehungsratgeber für werdende Eltern und er schwört auf die Erziehungstipps aus Paris.


Dem kann ich in einigen Punkten nicht zustimmen, denn eigentlich ist das kein Erziehungsratgeber, die Autorin berichtet in einer Mischung aus persönlichen Anekdoten und wissenschaftlichen Forschungsergebnissen davon, wie unterschiedlich Kindererziehung in Frankreich und Amerika gehandhabt wird.
Wer sich aber tatsächliche Erziehungstipps erwartet, wird sie in diesem Roman nicht finden, es gibt zwar schon einige Punkte, in denen recht konkret beschrieben wird, wie französische Familien mit Erziehungsfragen umgehen, der Großteil bleibt aber vage.

Die meisten Ansätze sind auch nicht unbedingt neu müssen sie auch nicht sein oder besonders französisch.
Eine große Ausnahme bildet da das Essverhalten, Kindern ab einem gewissen Alter wird scheinbar zu jeder Mahlzeit ein mehrgängiges Menü angeboten, es gibt kein besonderes Essen für Kinder, sie bekommen, was die Eltern essen, und müssen von allem probieren, bevor sie es ablehnen dürfen.

Andere Punkte wie "Nein heißt nein", "Ich habe das Sagen" und "Wenn ein Baby schreit, soll man es nicht sofort hochheben, sondern es zuerst beobachten, um herauszufinden, warum es schreit" sind Grundregeln zahlreicher Erziehungsansätze.


Obwohl das bis hierher vielleicht recht kritisch und negativ klang, bin ich ganz froh, das Buch gelesen zu haben und konnte durchaus einzelne Dinge mitnehmen.
Ich glaube, dass es lohnenswert ist, sich über die angesprochenen Punkte Gedanken zu machen, sich zu überlegen, wie man wohl selbst in den einzelnen Situationen handeln würde.
Kein Erziehungsratgeber sollte auf Punkt und Komma befolgt werden und so ist das auch hier, Die Autorin beschreibt Situationen, in denen sie Probleme hatte, und erzählt dann, wie französische und amerikanische Eltern damit umgeben würden.
Obwohl mich im Grunde der französische Ansatz mehr anspricht, gibt es oft sicher einen Mittelweg zwischen den beiden Extremen.
I failed to appreciate much of what this book had to offer based on many poorly backed assumptions and one substantial thought flaw.
The author mentions that she believes the French public services don't explain the differences in parenting that she sees, One could easily argue that if many American parents didn't have to worry about child care costs, preschool, college tuition or health insurance their parenting styles would be vastly different.


There are far too many references to one extreme example of American parenting gone wrong and far too many examples of a few observations of French parenting gone right.


I do think there is a generational phenomenon of helicopter parenting and Mommy martyrdom however, I don't think that defines America's parenting practice as a whole.
While I appreciate the mentioned French notion of fostering autonomy, I don't believe it was an earth shattering new parenting philosophy or approach.
I laughed through the explanation of fostering autonomy by allowing children one swear word, one that has been used and said by many generations: "caca boudin" translated to caca sausage.
Apparently, if I let my boys run around the house saying "shit", as it is only to be done in private, they are gaining important lessons in self worth and autonomy.
Ummmmm, ok.

There does seem to be a cultural difference in the construction of parenting guilt, Likely fueled by a judgmental and competitive American society where moms are judged on every decision or choice: natural birth or epidural, breastfeed or bottle.
The author argues that the judgement comes from having multiple different parenting philosophies and attempting to validate your choices, French parenting is made easier by one cultural approach, Americans believe faster development is a sign of better parenting, while the French all believe in exposure and joy, No rush. Again, yes, there are parents who overschedule, over indulge, over parent, but I fail to see that as an entire American phenomenon.


The discussion about body image maddened me, American women feel the need to sacrifice their body for their children, unable to resist the temptation to overindulge, While French women, adhere to their strict diets, pop out the kid, and bounce back immediately, Blah blah blah.

Many of the French women work, as it is made much easier by state preschools and child care.
The teachers are well trained and schooled, parents often resume their prebaby lives but do so with a new member.
Again, I fail to see how the author can say this doesn't affect the difference in parenting styles,

I think the book as a whole sparks interesting conversation, I just wish it hadn't been

written in unfounded blanket statements.
.