Grab Loving Bravely: Twenty Lessons Of Self-Discovery To Help You Get The Love You Want Conveyed By Alexandra H. Solomon Accessible As Digital

This was good and I'm glad I read it, but it was hard to get through, Spoiler Alert: you can't bring your full, authentic self to relationships if you don't recognize all the garbage feelings you carry around about love and security.
I appreciated that this book isn't about letting go of your baggage, but rather recognizing how it manifests in ways that are unfair to others.


I will say that I have a new realization about how my own insecurities tend to manifest and with that new awareness, I'm able to walk through my issues and mitigate behaviors that could have been destructive before.
So I'd say the Loving Bravely's advice is solid, I

started this book last March at the rec of a Relationship therapist dude I matched with on Hinge.
I didn't find the content as applicable at the time because I wasn't in a relationship, but now that I am I decided to pick it up again! It had some good content but for me, nothing earth shattering or too insightful.
It's a book to take notes during but I did not do that, In order to truly love another, we have to know ourselves and then segue that selfawareness into practice in our relationships.
Solomon collects of a wealth of research from social scientists, some of whom are also practicing clinicians.
The chapters are brief but full of research, real couples stories, Solomons wisdom, and close with exercises designed to boost selfknowledge and loving practice in your relationship.
Exploring family of origin patterns, shortchanging our loved ones with minimized presence due to technology, effective boundaries that are neither too rigid nor loose, mindfulness, and practicing responses instead of reactions are some of the chapters.
Solomon clusters the lessons around four main principles: selfreflection, selfawareness, selfexpression, and selfexpansion, The central process for selfawareness in Loving Bravely is NameConnectChoose, After identifying and giving voice to the truth in our experiences, we must connect to their deeper and central emotional nuances.
Having paused and reflected, we then give space to the story and the emotion, and we are then in a position to choose our response.
We can make a choice in how we will use our selfknowledge to you guessed it! love bravely and authentically with ourselves and with another.
When we can truly be ourselves in the world and state our needs and desires and can hold space for another, we truly love ourselves and we can truly love another person.
One appendix providing an overview of trauma and another devoted to help readers locate a therapist round out the volume.
Readers bar of their relational selfawareness will move rapidly toward the sky after this book,

To access my other reviews of relationship resources, please visit my website, sitelinkwww, thecouplessyllabus. com I loaded this book into my kindle a few months back, but never planned on reading it.
Somehow I was prompted to open this book a few nights back, I don't read selfhelp books as much these days as I would more often turn to Christian books to provide a biblical perspective on life.
I do not fully subscribe to all the points stated in the book due to the absence of the Christian POV.
Even so, I still found some parts of the book useful, Written by a psychologist and Professor, this book provides a professional standpoint on how to look after our own emotional and psychological wellbeing before committing to a relationship.


I sped read through this book in two nights and skipped through quite a number of anecdotes shared by the author which can be quite longwinded.
Despite so, I was able to grasp the key concepts quite easily, The author organised the book intosections andchapters, and each chapter had key points that were easily digestible.
I found the chapters on establishing healthy boundaries, valuing presence and building the cushion especially helpful,

types of boundarieshealthy boundary connected amp protectedporous boundary connected but not protectedrigid boundary protected but not connected.


Porous boundaries r dangerous bc you may come across as too intrusive giving unneeded unwanted feedback.
Or you may feel overly responsible to 'fix' things,
Rigid boundaries r problematic bc you may be blocking yourselves from the input of others, Or you are holding back from selfexpression and to give voice to your feelings,
Healthy boundaries are great in the sense that we connect with others while holding on to ourselves to express our opinions and perspectives while respecting the views and voices of others.


I also liked the segment on how we spend our time the 'essential'daily activities that provides us 'mental nutrients'.
Focus time to be goal orientedPlaytime to be spontaneous and creativeConnecting time to connect self to others/ naturephysical time exercisereflection timedown time to rechargesleep time.
The idea is that everyone requires a diff balance of these activities, and it is important to understand which areas of life we are neglecting and how to shift our priorities to address these areas.


What I appreciated about the book is the actionable advice provided at the end of every chapter.
There would be a list of questions for us to ponder over that can guide our reflections and conversations.
Eg. To understand your past the author suggests that we note down aspects of your family life that felt precious, beneficial and valuable to you when you were growing up.
As well as aspects that were destructive and hurtful, Such a list will reveal the beliefs, values that you want to carry on in your own life as well as what you would want to leave behind.

Another eg. to build our forgiveness muscles will be too write down your process of forgiving someone what was helpful what got in the way And also t o write down what we were taught about forgiveness while growing up.


There were also tips on communicating especially in times of conflict, Instead of using accusatory 'you' statements that may invite defensiveness , the author suggests using 'I' or 'We' statements.
gt When you are triggered by the other party, try not to say 'you make me feel.
'. But instead, use an XYZ statement when you did X, in situation Y, I feel Z, This holds the other party accountable for his or her actions, provides more context, while allowing you to articulate your feelings.

gt Instead of asking 'why did you, . . ', frame it in 'what kept you from, . . '
gtInstead of being directive and said 'you should/shouldnt have, . . ', give voice to what you want by saying 'I would love for you to XXX'

Also, it is important to listen to UNDERSTAND rather than listen to respond.
Our default setting tends to be formulating our response while the other person talks, But most often, the other party seeks our understanding amp compassion, NOTE TO SELF: to suspend my ego's desires to explain, defend and clarify in other to make space for the exp of another person.
I never thought that I would read a book about relationship, It has just never crossed my mind, I think those things come naturally, from the heart, Then recently when I have read and got to know more about emotions, about psychology, . etc I came to a realization that there must be a way to detangle this "love" topic, it's not decided by a random coincidence yet there is a way to understand yourself better to know how to come to terms with your real emotions which are formed up by data amp chemicals, love yourself in the right way and have the courage to put yourself in human relationship and connections doesnt need to be intimate relationship only.
And just like it's mentioned in the beginning of the book, my rudimental fault just like many others, we also need to learn and get guidance on this, just like when we study any important subjects in life.


Even though the focus will be on "couple relationship", I do learn a few about myself with this insightful book.
Especially, the highlight of this is the exercise aka practical guide you can find at the end of each chapter.


The only thing that I am not fully convinced about this book is its causal relationship.
I guess it's the favorable way of therapy, Brilliant book to read on learning lessons of self discovery and how to awaken your life using self awareness, embrace life truths, soul and soulmates, self expression and forgiveness.
it explores and challenges the discovery of love, even down to how to find Mr Right using key skills.
The book delves into the various ways in which love can be reaffirmed and conflicts can be resolved.
It teaches interesting concepts and puts a new perspective on dealing with a number of relational issues.


The book however says that it is not limited to romantic relationships, but there are certain chapters, and concepts that only fit romantic intimacy, which can be excluding.


I do however, appreciate the activities at the end of each chapter that allow one to internalise the learnings.
This was amazing! Absolutely what I needed at this point in myyears of life, Solomon does not give us tips or "surefire ways" to get someone, But instead helps light the path of selfdiscovery and invites us to walk down with it,
Each of thechapters is filled with good information, all tackling problems of love and offering solutions as well as selfreflection so we can find our own answers.


Thank you Alexandra for writing this book, incredibly insightful and helpful,
I feel more hopeful than ever about my general and intimate relationships than I ever have.
What A GOOD recommendation. I loved every lesson from how to love yourself, to how your relationship about love stems from your first family relationships.
There is a section that gives you questions to ask your parents about their relationship and I'm looking forward to doing that.
I enjoyed the section about being present and how to fit technology in with that, I highly recommend this book to people in relationships or single, I feel like it will help me accept my family for who they are and allow me to give them space to share their history and insight.
I interviewed the author for an article and found her theories and techniques so interesting that I wanted to read her book.
This book did not disappoint,

My favorite technique which Im trying to use in all relationships is to not attach a story to a behavior.
It had really helped me to see things differently, be less angry and have better relationships with people.
I highly recommend this book, Loving Bravely features twenty lessons that guide you stepbystep through selfexploration in order to understand the role you play in maintaining a loving relationship.
In other words, it helps you shift from the search for Mr, or Ms. Right to being Mr. or Ms. Right. Each lesson includes a reading passage, some thoughts to ponder and some action steps to take to learn more about yourself and how you can be in a healthy and loving relationship.


I'd recommend this book to anyone who enjoys selfhelp books, especially in the relational field.
A lot of valuable lessons in this book,

I received an advance reading copy from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.
All opinions are my own, .