is one of those books that is so hard to describe yet alone rate, So many different types of emotions run through you, all of them unwelcome, All in one, you get so wrapped up in the story until the very end,
Seventeenyearold Amelia Gannon just "Gannon" to her friends is invisible to almost everyone in her life, To her parents, to her teacherseven her best friend, who is more interested in bumming cigarettes than bonding, Some days the only way Gannon knows she is real is by carving bloody lines into the flesh of her stomach, Then she meets Michael Brooks, and for the first time, she feels like she is being seen to the core of her being.
Obnoxious, controlling, damaged, and addictive, he inserts himself into her life until all her scars are exposed, Each moment together is a passionate, painful relief, But as the relationship deepens, Gannon starts to feel as if she's standing at the foot of a dam about to burst, She's given up everything and everyone in her life for him, but somehow nothing is enough for Brooksuntil he poses the ultimate test.
This book first sparked my interest because I knew Amelia Gannon, better known as Gannon, would be one of those superficial idiot girls.
In so many books you have to read about some airhead blondie who doesn't know left from right yet alone her own feelings.
So you could say Gannon was a breath of fresh air, All in all, Gannon was a likeable character, She was a great combination of antisocial without coming off as a complete bitch, Gannon is very reserved due to her crazy family, Although she is reserved, she finds the fine line between being completely shut off without spilling her secrets to the first person who shows her affection.
The thing I loved more then anything about Gannon is how true she stayed to herself throughout the whole book, Where most authors try to change the character to showcase evolution, many fail for the reason that the character than ends up beyond recognition.
Desir stayed to true to who Gannon was from the very beginning, but not to the point where she stayed the same, Through time Gannon changed to adjust the situation that she was in, however remained true to her beliefs, Congratulations Desir, you have impressed me,
Now let's talk boys, or should I say boy, Desir did a number with how Brooks appearance was ported, and I loved it, Finally we weren't given some mysterious dark haired guy with long serious glares that oozed passion and lust, Don't get me wrong I love those guys too but even in appearance Brooks had depth, With the blue hair to the tall lean boy, he was simple yet so complex, I have to admit though I had my doubts about him the first time, He just seemed like an over eager kid who messed up his life and is determined to somehow drag people into his mess.
I was proved wrong however, Soon I learned that he has more depth then I knew, Brooks progressed throughout the book into the perfect combination for Gannon, He was a risk taker that made Gannon's life fun and never dull, yet produced a comfort for her even though Gannon barely realized it.
Throughout time though characters changed, While I love them to stay true to themselves I understand when some have to change, In this case Brooks had to change after everything that happened, Do I approve of the new Brooks Hell to the no, Do I think it was necessary Very much so, Brooks turning into a over protective and paranoid man was not something I hated or enjoyed, I loved that Brooks changed because in the given circumstance anyone would, However, paranoid and over protective are not good boyfriend qualities, so it's also a slight bummer,
Gannon stayed with Brooks after everything that happened, I loved that she persevered and fought off the temptation that was purely selfish, Had Gannon left she would have only though about Brooks and how much she regretted it and missed him, Had it happened I may have stopped reading, However, Gannon stayed and chose to risk it all for the boy with blue hair, So again, congratulation Desir.
This book was so raw with emotion it was hard not become one with Gannon, Throughout the book the relationship between Gannon and Brooks developed so brilliantly that you felt the NEED she had for him, Both characters were portrayed beautifully, to the point where I felt connected to Gannon and her story,
Many other elements of this story was great too! Gannon's best friend, Ali, was a great support but not to the point where it was over done.
Gannon's coworkers were also sympathetic, Dennis was a great "dad" rolefiller and Ricardo was a great "brother" rolefiller, Both cared about Gannon and tried to help her through everything, All the characters were a great balance in Gannon's life and it was portrayed perfectly,
Gannon's family is crazy, but an over exaggerated version of crazy, It's a situation where It's completely unbelievable and so over done, Desir tries, and fails, to come up with a family drama that would mess up Gannon's life enough, She did that part successfully, however I feel she tried too hard, The brothers were all unbelievably snobby and demanding, to the point past belief, Great idea, bad execution.
Over all I was extremely impressed with this book, close to a perfect rating but not quiet there, As I said that I did not find the family believable or even the slightest bit noticeable, I just didn't care for them or about them, That's the biggest crime an author can do, when the reader doesn't care to love or hate a character,
Another big let down was how predictable the book became, don't get me wrong I loved it, but it was hard not to predict everything that was going to happen, All the suspense and anticipation was ruined by the ability to predict everything that was going to happen,
All in all, if it weren't for that ending the rating would be lower, The end was the one thing I wasn't able to predict, I debated weather it would happen or not but I was doubting the author, Desir proved me doubts wrong and thank god she did, The ending makes sense because this is a raw and possessive story, there cannot be a happy ending, Desir did a beautiful job ending the book as well as the character while staying true to the story and characters, Sheer brilliance, thus earning her many extra points,
It was raw and compelling with a difficult subject mature that many authors don't do well, Desir however made this story come alive to a point where you could feel of of Gannon's pain and suffering, you didn't feel like an outsider while reading it but instead you were Gannon.
I don't always rate books I DNF, but I do when I feel like I've got a handle on how the rest of the story will go.
That's the case here. I stopped at page, bored with the MC, The stuff with her brothers was so over the top it was unbelievable, I flipped through the rest, and then read the epilogue, I don't think I missed anything, what the fuck. what the fuck. I want to DNF this so hard
when you start reading things like " The blade of the utility knife slid out and my heart thumped faster.
I reached to touch his nipple ring and he moved his mouth to my stomach, He licked a small circle around my belly button and then replaced his tongue with the blade, The first cut barely grazed me, but I moaned, ", you know it's time to stop,
i never liked the romance anyway, brooks was creepy and possessive af, and the girl was actually really into thatshades of grey much talk abt a toxic relationship.
Overall, I really enjoyed this read, I had no idea what exactly I was getting into picking this one up, and it definitely surprised me in a good way.
The most enjoyable aspect of this book for me was the rawness of Gannon and Brooks, This book is without a doubt the edgiest YA I have ever read, and I love that Desir embraced that side of her novel.
She definitely didn't shy away from dealing with real issues and difficult emotions, some of which were often as painful to read as they were for Gannon to go through.
That being said, the reason I did not give this oneis because personally, I couldn't fully connect to Gannon.
I completely understand her character type and the justification for her actions however, in my opinion, as someone who is essentially the polar opposite to Gannon, I often couldn't understand her conflicted emotions.
To explain, the narration makes it very apparent that Desir did her homework writing Gannon and creating a wellrounded selfharm individual kudos to you, Desir, she is very wellwritten.
Because of that, as someone who has never experienced what she is feeling, I found it hard to connect to her on that level at times.
Of course, I was still able to empathize, but because Gannon is barely able to describe what she is feeling, I was often unable to sympathize.
Additionally, while I accept the ending and praise Desir for not turning it into a fairy tale happilyeverafter!, there are a few story elements I'm left with that I wish had been addressed or expounded upon.
In an effort to avoid spoilers, there is one character in particular that I am left with more questions than answers for, and a part of me wants to know the rest of their story as they were totally absent from the last few chapters.
To anyone looking to take a break from stereotypical contemporary YA and instead to jump on an emotional roller coaster, I certainly recommend giving this book a try!.
stars
Full review here gtsitelink com
If you read the synopsis, you saw that this book is compared to the story/movie, Sid amp Nancy, If you arent familiar with that story, let me warn you, . .
there is no HEA!
What happens when one destructive person gets together with another destructive person If you expecting that they magically heal each other, think again.
And refer to my warning,
The two main characters in this book are not strong, They have been dealt rough lives, Amelia Gannon she goes by the name Gannon is growing up in a house where her three adoptive brothers are a complete nightmare.
Her Mom, who struggles to keep control, and fails miserably, has no time left for her daughter, And her Dad choose to pretend nothing is wrong, So no one notices that she turns to cutting as a form of relief,
Then there is Michael Brooks, He brings some relief to Gannons miserable home life, But is he a good influence NO! Case in point, the first time they meet, he is huffing,
I couldnt always figure out Michaels intentions or motives, Sometimes he used peer pressure to get Gannon to do things, while at other times, he tries to protect her, such as trying to get her to quit smoking menthols and addiction in other areas.
But while he tries to limit her addictions, he has his own obsessive issues, particularly involving Gannon herself, She seems to be his only calm force in his life, and his actions are a bit impulsive in regards to her,
I wont give it away, but the book title does come to play in a very sad way, Remember how I mentioned there would be no HEA Even though I knew that going in, I was still gutted by the ending.
“Ive come for you, Because no one else could make you bleed like me, ”
With that said, while my heart hurt after reading this, my bones didnt, If youve ever read a Jessica Sorensen book, you know what Im talking about, Everything seems to hurt after I read those books, But this story, while very sad as two characters lives spin into a darker world, didnt impact me as deeply, maybe because the narrator weaved in mild humor throughout, making fun of the sorry state of her life.
Overall, although the story is well written and, sadly, a realistic account of addictive personalities, I wanted some sort resolution, I understand a HEA would have been out of place with the rest of the story, but as I read about these two sad souls, I would liked if there were some lessons learned.
Some sort of epiphany that Amelia had about her life, But I guess that peace doesnt always come,
An ARC was received for an honest review, .