Win How To Be Alone: If You Want To, And Even If You Dont Constructed By Lane Moore Digital Copy

received an advanced readers copy of this book, but all opinions aremy own, How to Be Alone is the soon to be released book by Lane Moore, If you havent heard of her yet, Im confident one day soon you will, Lane Moore is a comedian, musician, writer, and host of Tinder Live,

Though technically How to Be Alone is an autobiography, its more than that, Lane Moores book is touching, witty, and relatable, It discusses inadequacy, loneliness, longing for love, and finding your place in the world both on a personal and interpersonal level,

Told throughpersonal essays, Lane dives deep into her most personal thoughts and experiences, From practically raising herself, living in her car, making the ballsy move to NYC, and reconstructing her heart after a series of toxic relationships, she bares it all, To put it simply, this girl has been through some sht, But instead of letting that control the way she lives her life and sees the world, she uses humor, music, and writing to create a different picture,

Read my full review here: sitelink comb This review originally appeared in Bitch Magazine:
Dear Lane,

Initially, I was skeptical about reading your memoir How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Dont.
“How to be alone” my lady brain snarked, “How to be in a relationship that lasts longer than six months

is what I need, ” Ive been single for most of my adult life, and Ive attended a lot of therapy about it, Despite the fact that there weremillion unmarried people in the United States in, its still hard to be a single woman, There are more financial, emotional, and social costs to living outside of a relationship than is usually discussed with any nuance, empathy, or compassion, Im an expert on the single lady experience: Ive read many booksand wrote oneabout the subject,

Ive ranted in the pages of Bitch about the singleladyindustrial complex, led by Steve fucking Harvey, that advises Black women on how we can become more worthy of companionship.
Despite my cynicism, I got out of my own wayand let your amazing story break my heart wide open, How To Be Alones vulnerability, humor, and naked emotion was profoundly healing, and reading it was one of the first times I recognized myself in nonfiction, When you describe yourself as a “reallife Matilda: surrounded by biological family, who, in constantly rotating ways, couldnt be bothered,” I was astonished that weve both been orphaned in the same way, “alone in a way you can never quite describe to people.
” Im the youngest child of a single mom with a history of mental illness, My brother Jose died a couple of years before I was born, so I was partially named for him,

My mother unraveled as she grieved, which left her unable to parent me or my siblings, By the time she died six years ago, Id forgiven her, though it still hurts to have been unmothered, I parented her and myself while my siblings were cared for by others, I met my father when I was, but he was too inconsistent, wounded, and distant, We tried to understand each other, but too much time had already passed, He died by suicide in,

When I officially became an orphan, I thought that it could be a new beginning for me, It was and it wasnt, There arent many books that explore how to be alone that arent about waiting or preparing to become part of a couple because capitalist patriarchy normalizes and valorizes heterosexual romantic relationships.
Thats partly why I wrote Single amp Happy: The Party of Ones in, But Sasha Cagens Quirkyalone, a book that centers people whod rather be single than settle for the wrong relationship, is probably the best thing Ive read about learning to enjoy solitude.
Its hard not to be in a relationship, especially this time of year when holiday gatherings typically involve people with families and significant others,

Like you, I have always felt a little weird about finding a soulmate, so I deeply related to your explanation for why relationships are so hard for people like us: “Theres a specific sort of obsession with love that youre bound to find yourself having once youve realized, on any level, that you dont have a family the way youre supposed to,” you write.
“Theres a need in there to be normal, to be wanted, to belong to anyone, anywhere, as soon as humanly possible, that lends itself to loving superromantic shit of all kinds.
” Your book offered me catharsis as someone who struggles with anxious attachment as a result of surviving childhood trauma,

It made me turn questions that I used to direct at potential partners toward myself, How had I not understood before that I pick unsafe people to love and attach to Where would I have ever learned a healthier way One of the most beautiful things about your book is that it complicates narratives around family, belonging, and loneliness.
It shatters stigmas and silences with humor while naming deep, codependent patterns in all kinds of relationships, Most books about being single arent usually as entertaining and instructive as yours because they react to a canon of nonfiction rooted in heterosexist patriarchy,

Your book is so important because you assert that you can belong to yourself first or even always if you want toand you can learn to view friends as family instead of becoming fixated on not having the traditional family.
You write about wanting to belong to someone so badly that you let yourself become a doormat, You stopped having needs in order to become the perfect partner, Yes. Even when my parents were absent, I was still attached to the idea that their struggles were a form of love, It took a long time to write a different story for myself, But now, I think I can,

One year, I ghosted on a Thanksgiving gathering for orphans, and I was relieved to read that Im not alone in this experience, You perfectly describe the unconscious torture our beloveds inflict on us by inviting us to these holiday soirées:

“Its so hard to tell people, Yeah, the holidays kind of bum me out because my best friend as a kid was a caterpillar I kept in a muffintin liner in my room.
You end up feeling like you dont have a place in the world because your genuine, deeply felt and often beyondpainful feelings about your nontraditional family situation get swept under the rug in favor of easier, more normal frustrations with otherwise good families.
”

I have always felt lonely at “orphan” Thanksgivings, and as an introvert, I resent being surrounded by strangers, usually in pairs or otherwise unavailable, on a day of national significance.
The question I am always negotiating, even after years of therapy, is whether its valid to just skip these functions instead of trying to make them work, Holiday gatherings will always be hard if you havent had a “normal” experience, but practicing different ways to make them feel better is worth a shot, Reading How to Be Alone is like having real talk with the friend who loves you too much to lie to you, That friend will light the path back to yourself when you get seduced by your own darkness,

The most epic, incredible, soaring parts of your story, are the places where youre tender, and funny, but also so harrowingly sad and devastated, Your commitment to survival is more than a notion its a balm, an affirmation, an eternal love note, and a sacred love manifestation that starts as a whisper and rises into the atmosphere.
How to be Alone gave me closure, What a gift it is to know that theres another person in the world whos so brave and true to her spirit that she survived the hardest parts of being alive.
Instead of sinking into despair or madness being waylaid by bitterness or tragedy or turning the grueling and terrifying dark of isolation against yourself, youve transmuted it into a fire so bright that it blazes brilliantly, with a classic, universal humanity.
James Baldwin said, “You think your heartbreak is unprecedented in the world, and then you read, ” How To Be Alone is like that,

Lane, you deserve every single fucking good thing that happens to you, Thank you for reminding those of us who have survived hard things that we do, too,

With gratitude, admiration, and love,

Joshunda It's funny that this book is called How To Be Alone, because reading it made me feel for the first time in a long time that I'm not alone.


The vulnerability, insight and humor Lane shows in telling even the most painful parts of her story takes strength and courage, I related to so much of this book, I don't even know where to begin, but I've highlighted a ton of it to go back to when I need a boost.
Like Lane, I've always used tv and movies to help make sense of the world and bring comfort to me when I couldn't find it anywhere else, I can't tell you how refreshing it is to see someone who wears their heart on their sleeve like I do,

I wish I'd had this book when I was a teenager, but I'm so glad it's in the world now, I really believe in the important of being a mirror for others, to show people they're not the only ones who think or feel the way they do, and this is exactly what Lane does in this book.
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