Examine Anna Et Le French Kiss Fabricated By Stephanie Perkins Presented In Ebook

really liked this book, It was cute and OH so funny, Anna is hilarious, and so is St, Clair I always forget how to write his first name, All in all, it was a great book :, Just four because the story didn't really catch me until the last third of the book, and I don't know, I expected a LOT more romance, I really was looking for adorable lots of romance and I only got it AT THE END.
When I was four, I fell off a tree, I hit the ground face first, What I didn't know was that there was a very small, sharp root sticking out of the ground at the base of the tree.
It went through my cheek, I went to the ER but had to wait untilam because it was a busy night, I sat there for hours in that ER with a hole in my cheek, When the doctor finally saw me he thought that since it was a busy night and there were so many people in the ER that he would just sew up my cheek without having to wait for an anesthetic.
And he did. He sewed my cheek back together with no pain relief, I have never experienced pain like that again in my life, Until now. Anna and the French Kiss was more painful than that night in hospital, It is a lifeless, desolate, lump of a novel, Its only purpose in this world is as a gauge by which we measure bad novels, This is the bottom of the gauge and Twilight is at the top,

Anna is the stupidest person I've ever come across in fiction, She is a self confessed film buff and hopes to one day become America's leading film critic, She obviously must know A LOT about film then eh sigh She's a supposed film buff but yet knows nothing of Paris.
PARIS. The home of fucking film, At one point in the novel she is genuinely SURPRISED that Paris has cinemas, FUCKING CINEMAS. How can she be so incredibly ignorant of the place where film was fucking invented and know literally nothing of French cinema BUT YET call herself a fan of film Ridiculous.
She eventually actually goes to the cinema a couple of times but lo and behold what does she watch American films, She in the home of film and she watches American films, I can't deal with this girl,

Oh but let us for one second talk about the love interest, Mr. My Name Is So French It's Borderline Racist Étienne St, Clair. He is literally every "male love interest" YA cliche rolled into one festering tumour of a character, He's American BUT has a British accent, he has messy hair BUT his room is meticulously clean, he's book smart, smells nice and is probably the Second Coming of Christ.
He is UNBEARABLE. He's like Augustus Water but this guy doesn't have the common courtesy to die at the end, How rude.

I hated everything about this novel, It felt unresearched, rushed, and in places, dumbeddown, It is written in a style that I can only describe as "unemployed Sex and the City screen writer", I wish this novel came with a warning, "Keep out of reach of children, and teenagers, and adults, dogs, garden gnomes, your grandmother, school janitors, priests, gibbons, and especially anybody who lives in Paris because this novel is an insult to their city".


I'll finish with a quote from one of my favourite film critics Roger Ebert who gets a mention in this novel and I'm pretty sure he's turning in his grave because of it.
I'll manipulate the quote a bit but the sentiment still prevails,
"This book doesn't scrape the bottom of the barrel, This book isn't the bottom of the barrel, This book isn't below the bottom of the barrel, This book doesn't deserve to be mentioned in the same sentence with barrels, "

“I cheated on her every day, In my mind, I thought of you in ways I shouldnt have, again and again, She was nothing compared to you, Ive never felt this way about anybody before”

What's the saying Once a cheater, always a cheater Oh, the fucking hypocrisy.




There were many things I wanted to do to Anna Oliphant throughout this book, Some of them involve a bottle of choloroform, a shovel, and an unmarked grave, Mostly, I just want to bring Anna in front of the US Congress as an example of how the US educational system has grievously failed our students.
To be frank, Anna Oliphant is a motherfucking idiot,

Yeah, I guess you could say this is a sweet romance, but it's not the good sort of sweet, It's the "Oh my god, why did I eat that entire package of Oreos I DON'T EVEN LIKE OREOS!" sort of sweet.
It's sickening, and best in small doses, and I still feel like I need an internal cleanse after spreading the reading of this book over several days.
The good thing about it is that this book isn't the sitelinksugarfree type of sweet, so there were no anal explosions.
It wasn't the worst contemporary I've ever read, but this book was tremendously annoying and I simply do not understand the hype.
I know many of people enjoyed it, and I can see why, Anna is the sort of character that grows on you, much like mildew, or herpes, Once you get used to having it, it doesn't really bother you much anymore,

I'm not opposed to romance, I love romance, but I read this book hoping to be swept away by a romance, Instead, I was sucked into a whirlwind of idiocy,

Oh, the Stupidity!!:

The only French word I know is oui, which means “yes,” and only recently did I learn its spelled oui and not wee.

People like Anna Oliphant is the reason why everyone hates Americans, Anna is, and she is a moron, She is the epitome of the stupid, ignorant, egocentric American, For fuck's sakes, she thinks there are motherfucking mimes on every fucking corner in France, She thinks that people go watch mimes as an everyday pastime!

Im going to be sick, Im going to vomit that weird eggplant tapenade I had for dinner, and everyone wil hear, and no one will invite me to watch the mimes escape from their invisible boxes, or whatever it is people do here in their spare time.

I'm sorry, but I'm inclined to judge anyone who doesn't know that oui is spelled oui and not wee.
It's one of those foreign words that isn't even fucking foreign because it's so fucking common, Oui is yes in French, Si is yes in Spanish, It's one of those words that's so fucking commonly used that you have to be a complete birdbrain not to know!

Anna is terrified of anything foreign, although to me, France really isn't that foreign or exotic, but I didn't grow up in Atlanta.
Is Atlanta really that assfucking backward Is Atlanta really completely isolated from

the rest of the world, despite being one of the biggest cities in the US Anna's words.
Do they not have paninis in Atlanta

“Where have you been all my life” I ask the beautiful panini.
“How is it possible Ive never had a sandwich like this before”

Not only is she ignorant, she has no survival skills.
Anna is in Paris, attending a school for Americans, Fucking everyone speaks English, the French teachers speak English, Anna is terrified of getting food in the cafeteria and avoids the cafeteria for weeks because she doesn't know how to order food.


Let me tell you a brilliant way of ordering food, in any language, You smile, you make eye contact at the desired food, you point, you nod, It's motherfucking universal.

I hate to say it, but if you're a pretty girl, you can get anyone's help most likely a guy, but often another girl, too just by looking cute and helpless and tilting your head at an angle guilty as charged.
It ain't feminist, but it works when one is desperate, and the fact that Anna doesn't have the fucking common sense to do this instead of hiding in her room for weeks like a motherfucking pussy doesn't bring her up in my estimation.
I'm not judging Anna for being shy, Anna is not shy. I was a shy, shy teenager, Anna is incompetent. There is a difference between incompetency and shyness,

After weeks and weeks of going to classes, of learning French, . . Anna doesn't know how to fucking spell "please" in French,

Mer is next in line, and I transcribe her speech phonetically,

Oon ploss see voo play,

That's suppsed to be une place, s'il vous plaît,

Her impression of Paris is one with like, blah blah Marie Antoinette and that really short dude, like, I think his name is Napoleon You know, like, the one on the horse in that painting by that dude And oh my god, the Moulin Rouge, and that cute little movie with the little girl in the yellow thingy! Madeline!

And this is a chick who wants to be a film critic when she grows up.

My dream is to study film theory in California, I want to be our nations greatest female film critic,

Although judging from the way she thinks, I think she's more suited to a career writing for the tabloids, the type with the sort of "PRESIDENT OBAMA CAUGHT IN INTERPLANETARY ORGY ALONG WITH PUTIN AND MERKEL" headline rather than as a film critic.

I wonder if Matt is a better kisser now that he has someone more experienced to practice on, He was probably a bad kisser because of me,

Oh, no.

Im a bad kisser, I am, I must be,

Someday Ill be awarded a statue shaped like a pair of lips, and itll be engraved with the words WORLDS WORST KISSER.
And Matt will give a speech about how he only dated me because he was desperate, but I didnt put out, so I was a waste of time because Cherrie Milliken liked him all along and she totally puts out.


Oh God. Does Toph think Im a bad kisser

Anna, Anna, ANNA!!!!!: So beautiful without knowing it!! So perfect! So adorably fucking clumsy! She even looks gorgeous when she falls flat on her fucking face!

"Youre beautiful.
”

I trip and fall down on the sidewalk,

I look away as he takes my hand and helps me up, “Im fine. Fine!” I say, brushing the grit from my palms, Oh my God, I AM a freak,

“Youve seen the way men look at you, right” he continues,

“If theyre looking, its because I keep making a fool of myself, ”

I've seen this before, And it ain't cute. Spare me the whole adorkable thing, I don't like Zooey Deschanel, and I don't like Anna, It just looks like she's trying too fucking hard, and the cute but ohsoclumsy trope is just so fucking overplayed right now.
I wash my hands of it,

It's not blatant, but the relationships between the girls in this book are meant to portray Anna as the good one, the best one, the most adorakablest girly girl in the whole wide fucking world.
Rashmi is "Rash. " Cute. I don't think so. Mer is just a little chubby, Volleyball player chubby, but it's ok Amanda the slut, Amanda the bitch, And Anna. Anna is just so good because you know, she feels really bad that Etienne likes her, so she does everything she can to make Mer not jealous.
It's not Mer's fault that she's not good enough for Etienne! And boy, Saint Anna keeps reminding us that she's a good person!



And poor Ellie.
Poor Ellie, Etienne's girlfriend. But surely, it's ok for Etienne to cheat on Ellie with Anna if she looks like a slut, right

Slutty nurse.
I dont believe it. Tiny white buttonup dress, red crosses across the nipples, Cleavage city.

CHEATING IS OK IF YOUR GIRLFRIEND IS A BITCH: That's the message that this book sends, Oh, that Ellie. That stupid, stuck up Ellie, Ellie who thinks she is better than everyone else, Surely it's fine if Etienne seeks comfort elsewhere if his girlfriend is a cold fish, a stuck up snot, right No, I don't fucking think so, How about you break up with her FIRST Just because a girl is a jerk doesn't mean she deserves to be cheated on.
I do not appreciate the way this book sends the message that it's morally acceptable to cheat on a girlfriend who neglects you! But it's morally acceptable to cheat on her if you feeeeeeeeeeeeel bad about it, right Fuck this shit.


THE CHEATING: And yes, it is cheating, What do you call this

"I said you were beautiful, I slept in your bed!”
“You never made a move! You had a girlfriend!”
“No matter what a terrible boyfriend I was, I wouldnt actually cheat on her.
But I thought youd know, With me being there, I thought youd know, ”

Ok. Etienne has a girlfriend, Ellie, Etienne holds hands with Anna, He is still with Ellie,

Its nice holding hands, Comfortable.

I wish friends held hands more often, like the children I see on the streets sometimes, Im not sure why we have to grow up and get embarrassed about it,

You know why Because you wouldn't like it if Etienne held hands with another girl if he was dating YOU.
Fucking hypocrite.

Friends don't sleep in each others' beds,

I mean I didnt SLEEP sleep with him, Obviously. But I slept with him,

I slept with a boy! I burrow back down into my sheets and grin,

And that boy has a girlfriend, And then you do it again, While he still has a girlfriend, While you have an almostboyfriend,

You make eye contact and blush at each other in a theatre, While he has a girlfriend,

You kiss each other, While he has a girlfriend, While you have an almostboyfriend,

You flirt with each other, While he has a girlfriend, While you have an almostboyfriend,



I don't see this relationship lasting very long, .

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